I see you in alleyways
and in the sunshine in his hair
I beg for the grace to forget you
but that would only be too fair.

you held me like the empty promises
that slid through the cracks
you said I clung too closely
before you broke my back

the air glides beautifully
between your teeth,
to kiss the sighs right off
your lips, trace the carvings of
your cheek.

i never knew love
could feel so young
hidden touches under blankets
falling asleep with
the rising sun.

i never knew you
would be the one
to fix these broken pieces
to heal each scar with
just your touch

I still see my hands coming off the railing. I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.

1.You are the mistress. ****** had been there long before you and courses through his veins. She has his heart.

2. Kiss his scars and show his yours. He spends so much time intoxicating his faults that it is easy for him to think he is the only one that is flawed.

3.Don’t be offended when he offers to help you shoot up. He wants to share a part of himself with you. It will always be a part of him.

4.When borrowing his coat, check the pockets for spare needles.

5.****** will always be the most intimate experience for him. *** will become basically non existent.

6.You will need to buy him new belts often.

7.Get the number of his dealer. They usually have an adrenaline shot handy for when he overdoses. Also, he will usually know the location of your boyfriend that has been missing for three days.

8.When calling 911, speak clearly. It is hard to tell the dispatcher that he is not breathing when you’re having trouble doing that yourself.

9.They won’t let you ride in the ambulance with him.

10.Time freezes in the hospital waiting room.

11.Don’t take it personally when he yells at you for not letting him die.

12.Try not to cry when he tells the nurses to escort you out.

13.His parents know you tried your best. They did too.

14.He will beg for you to come back. And you have every right to walk away. You did not fail him, you are just deciding not to let him destroy you.

15.You will still love him. You will wake to the thought of him and fall asleep whispering his name. Every time your phone goes off, you will hope that it’s him even though you blocked his number months ago. You will still feel his hold on you. And every time you’re alone, crying in your room you will remember that you chose not to be with him.
But that’s okay. You chose yourself.

I’ve been watching, breathing in your skin
Breathing in the shadow that is left
Breathing in the words left hanging
in the stars above the river. Above the drunken
teenagers stumbling over feet and syllables.
There you left, counting the stars on my own
Counting the steps you take away from home.
Feeling the pull as you strayed from me
Feeling the threads break oh-so easily.
But when I saw you, I didn’t know your face
Your voice had changed. The girl had changed.
She clung where I held, and kissed the lips that were mine
Kissed a smile that I’ve never seen before.
So I will no longer be watching, holding your bones
I will no longer be lurking, waiting for you to come home.

Time has shown that this is our set road
There is hope when doors are not closed
When your words are kissed in the air that I breathe
and your ghost knows only to follow me.
I am tired of always trying to win.
I am tired of you not letting me in.
And I should crawl inside and pull your words right out.
You should tell the truth but you don’t know how.
Swept under the rug as each problem arose.
To feel your body but your touch is so cold.
To taste your mind in your gritted teeth
To steal your eyes and see what you think of me.

But I hold my own skin
to remind me not to let you in.
And I swallow my own tears
to remind me not to let you win.
And I erase those three years
to remind me that I have to live.
And there is no pain in my heart
Because I no longer fear the dark.