he took my hand
carried me to where the cold
hugged my ribcage and
sang through my lungs.

our fears on our backs
to godly heights, there
the world turned at our feet.
The sun kissed your cheek.

our bodies melted into the snow
and the trees reached over,
cradling our shut eyes
and heavy breathing.

whisper me your sorrows
and I’ll kiss each one
from your lips. Your smile
is far too beautiful to hide.

The bed is cold, my love
Space drifting farther along with time
Your breath only bites my skin
Of where your lips have been.

But your touch burns red in streaks
Kiss pollutes me with this disease
Of codependence on absence.

Your voice is different now, a change in pace
As I run out in hopes to save the last remnant of me.
The masks are on, words are drawn
Into our backs.

Too close to what I love the most
He told me to stand on my own two feet
When he broke every bone.
Cornered and scared, I could only dare
To find my way out.
To find myself again.

It’s so cold out there,
You closed the doors.
Taste of what I’ll never have
To leave me wanting more.
All I needed was warmth:
A smile, a touch.
But you said
I loved you too much.

I want those ocean eyes to glisten
like crystals in the sun
take my hand down alleyways
right where we begun
I want to be shiny and new
so not to lose you.

I've been painting a smile
I've been hiding behind a mask
I don't know what I'm running from
but that I was running fast
for nothing to settle
for nothing to repeat

all my life has been halted by
the fear of meeting peoples eyes
the fear of meeting the mirror
don't hold me close to hold me back
I've been searching for this meaning that I lack
and I can't find it in your eyes.

trust me, don't start a conversation
don't fill your head with expectations
I'm teenage angst waiting to break free
don't hold me, don't say I love you
don't start now and make me want you
when I don't even want myself.

silhouettes and silken sheets
biting skin while climbing trees
we held the candle for too long
made a wish, held my breath
and now...it's gone.

august nights call my name
familiar voice but the face is not the same
he held my hand, told me sweet things
I closed my eyes while it was happening
friendly touch with the coldest sting...

he had soft skin and the kindest touch
flames caught fire, I loved him too much
said I was suffocating him
but I couldn't breathe without him.

he had a different face, hid behind a mask
stupid girl, stop chasing the past
it only comes back to hurt you
no one can hurt me like you do.

I swear I've seen your face before
he had ocean eyes and a deadly smile
that made a heart stop--stop and bleed for a while
but ****, that smile.

count the years that you held me close
broke my neck when I trusted you the most
you had the loveliest lies...
water fills my lungs
as you hold me down
said I was suffocating him
when it was the other way around.

he was a man of relief.
feet calloused by each mile
that he ran in circles
to escape his own reflection.
he shattered all that shines
and then wondered why
there was no light.

his secrets were the currency of trust
and I was bankrupt.
what I would do to crawl down his throat
and drag the words out.
to be the cigarette laced in his fingers,
tracing his lips ever so softly.
to breathe me in, use me.
let me be your high.

inject me and allow me to bring you
the purest peace that you will ever know.
let me in.

The bullet cracks your teeth, your tongue burns against
the hot metal, cooled down by detached touches and
mute denial. I have never felt such pain as when you painted
my cheeks with your fingertips. The blood still stains your hands.

I hear autumn calling me and I wish to go her way, however
though miles away your hands still hold my waist, asking me
to stay. My mother always said the devil was near.
I never expected him to have such blue eyes.

No amount of bourbon could erase the scars your
lips left behind. No matter how many words pile
on top of each other, your voice remains clear.
And even when I sunk into my old habit, he wasn’t you.

September has always been kind to me.
But this year seems so cold. The miles stretch
me thin. I feel myself drowning, they are saying I can only save myself.
But I still find myself here, drinking the sea.

clouded lungs, charcoaled black from swallowing storms
lightning dances through my veins, hot and cold
scars that map my body tell of where I'm from
but not they make no sense because the way is gone

I'm the shadow, stay in corners, dancing in the night
and I keep my words in my head to be closer to the fight
confronted every day, but their faces never stay
their knives are in my back but I feel no pain

there is so much pain...

I am the means to my own end
people offer tears but there's no use for them
time is speeding up, turns out the gun was held in my own hand

take me back, make this disappear
I'd do anything just to get out of here
but time is speeding up and I am stuck holding the gun