I pour my heart out onto paper.
It’s safe there.

The taste of your tongue lingers on me
A taste of honey encrusted in gold
It shines and sparkles even in the dead of the night
Our muffled voices echo in these four walls

The room smelled of animal musk
A mix of heaven and sugar combined
Your taste supressed the heavenly bodies' light
and gave me light brighter than Sun.

My toxic mind is my escape
These days,
I confuse pain for anger

Anger for pain

I invest, but never earn
I ask myself: will I learn?
I already know.

My hopes turn to dust,
When death whispers no.
I wish... I become optomistic...
I tell myself don't.

Sometimes I feel as though I want to live
I can not hold on,
When there is no rope.

I have fallen down the wishing well...
I have fallen in a hole.

Vitriolics follow me and I,
Can not see my life through a bigger scope.

I look at all the stars and know
I am the daughter of the sun itself
I am not the center just the product
Of perfect hell.

I ask myself: will I always be afraid?

I look through my clear tears
They burn my eyes
I forgot about the oil & salt.

Soap could clean it up.
Yet I wonder, who cleans the soap when it is filth?

I want the dirt to disappear
I want to swipe away the dust
I want to rid myself of disgust,
For whatever I broke inside, me.

How can I forgive when you're the reason I do not want to live?

I have been dying

I would give in
I would crumple
At this point I am not even sure how,

I wallow and swallow down my pain.
I drain myself of all mistakes.
I still drown.

Right when I am on the brink of peace
My mind reminds me:
There is nothing I can do to escape
I am still in myself, at the end of the day.

Because starving doesn't hurt as bad
As looking in the mirror.

Because dragging a thin piece of metal
Across my skin, gives the pain a place to live.

Because when it's dark and I'm alone
There's no more voices to say "No."

Because I know it'll be hard for you
To understand- thats why I'll give you a hand.

Because I know how badly you want
To know me. But help me understand this-

Are you ready?

I sleep well when I’m high.
Anxiety fades, waves of thoughts ease.
My mind stays so blank sadness is out of the question.
I live well when I’m high.

your little voice
                    Over the wires came leaping
and i felt suddenly
dizzy
     With the jostling and shouting of merry flowers
wee skipping high-heeled flames
courtesied before my eyes
                             or twinkling over to my side
Looked up
with impertinently exquisite faces
floating hands were laid upon me
I was whirled and tossed into delicious dancing
up
Up
with the pale important
                          stars and the Humorous
                                                  moon
dear girl
How i was crazy how i cried when i heard
                                            over time
and tide and death
leaping
Sweetly
          your voice