when i fall asleep at night
i dream of the color of your eyes
and how your hands won’t ever hold mine
i dream of your voice and your laugh
i loved your laugh, it was so full of life

i try to remember our happy times
sometimes i think of you too much and
i start to sink in the pain for the space
that will no longer be filled with your face
like how i won’t get to say
good morning to you anymore
or to tell you how much i hate your guts
and you’d say you love me anyway
and maybe at that moment
you would’ve loved me even more

i feel so lost without you here
i don’t like admitting i won’t ever
get to call you again on the phone
or even the way i felt when i
wanted to punch you in the face
for every word you spoke

at least it was real
at least i could get mad at you
now all i can do is wish you were here
so i could feel your warm embrace
just always remember, please remember
i love you so, i love you so

i miss the way you looked at me
like i was your everything and more
and though you turned my world upside down
you’re the one who made it whole
now my heart’s left behind
and though it’s beating
i don’t feel alive

i miss your hand in mine
i miss all your lies
i miss the nights you’d make me cry
but it was alright, because you were still alive
and that made everything fine

To be left behind
Alone
On the shores of one’s life

Deserted
Lost
As the ships of fortune
Roll away beyond reach

To perceive
Even the smallest things
As a source of terror

To shrink
From the very light of day
Yearning for the escapology
Of black night hours

To let roll
Tears of desperation
As one recognises
One is nothing
But a broken being

How strange to be
So isolated
So alone
In this whirlpool
Of *******
Black
Tar

If only describing
The sentiment of inadequacy
Could disable its grip
And free one
From its power

The cold winter months  
Take hold
Of my entire being
As I stare at emptiness within me
Longing for escape

Bruised words spill
Over my page
In tribute to
The crisis hours