Do you ever feel like you're drowning
with anchors tied to your feet
and you just feel so lost in this world of hatred
and there aren't enough words to speak
up to the authority and give them all you've got
but you've been turned down so many
and your stomach's bunched in a knot
as you hold back your tears and your eyes welt up
thinking to yourself what am i really made of

and i wish i was skinnier,
i wish i was strong enough to not eat
but i also wish i loved myself ,
or had someone to love me.

They say it all gets better
and tell me its going to be okay
but what if its not.
and i know it won't be today,
or tomorrow, the day after, and the next
and then i think to myself
what will i have left.
i want to change so badly
but I'm scared as hell
because you always hear them say
you have got to love yourself.
but society is so ****** and contradictory
how can i love myself, if i can't truly be me.

and i wish i was skinnier,
i wish i was strong enough to not eat
but i also wish i loved myself ,
or had someone to love me.

so please do me this,
and promise me dearly
that you will love me for me,
and not for what i should be.
because i will love you for who you are
not for who you aren't
and i swear to the moon and back
you'll always know where my heart is.

i feel so empty…

and i don't want to move…

  i just want to sleep…



forever...

jump into my car
do not fasten your seat belt
roll down your window

turn up my music
sing as loud as you can
and start dancing in your seat

scream at the top of your lungs
feel the wind through your hair
and take a deep breath

as i step on the gas
forget about my brakes
and let go of the wheel

let the acceleration take you in
and keep count of the breaths you take

take notice of your heart
pounding through your chest,
and the wings of the butterflies
in your stomach.

listen to your thoughts
remember what is important
who is important.

and take one last look at where you are
what you are doing
who you are with
and who you are...

...as we crash.

ten years.
it has been ten years.
and it will be decades more.

your voice is a distant song,
your smile a faint dream.

the sound of your laughter is inaudible,
and your sense, your touch cannot be remembered

photographs are snapshots of our lives
capturing such a profound tiny moment of time
that often goes unnoticed,

until you come across it somewhere along the line
and realize how significant and unappreciated it once was

until you know that they are not coming back
that they cannot come back

and their smell
their smile
their laugh,
their touch,
is gone

and until you long to hear them sing you to sleep
and pray for them to hug you,
and wish that they can just be there,
even for just one second..

you find that missing them is not enough,
it will never be enough.

I have always said
we were meant to
say goodbye..

That one day,
it would come down to it
and I would just leave,
so neither of us would
hurt anymore..

That one day,
it would become just
to hard to bear..

That one day,
you would wake up
and not even know
I was gone..

I have always said
we were meant to
say goodbye..

I just did not
think it would be
this soon..

Nor did I expect
you would be the
one to say it..

With every thought, with every curse,
you only seem to make it worse.

Yet I keep coming back, no matter what i see,
and there you were staring back at me.

To look in your eyes and feel pure bliss
It was as if the stars finally answered my wish.

Seeing me cry, and watching me smile.
But i can only wonder if you would just stay a while.

I have told you once, I will not say it again
But how can i be sure, this time, you will still be my friend.

                           Around the corner and to my heart,
                           And here we stand, worlds apart.
                           A sea across will make its stand.
                           With all that is lost, yet here I am.
                           A whole year's worth of losing it all.
                           And finally it is your turn to catch me
                           when I fall.

I can feel the rain coming,
feel the thunder rolling in
feel lightning's anticipation.

I hear the wind's warning,
and her eery way of sending me away.
but I want to stay.

and though she calls for shelter,
the grey looming whips of clouds
are comforting to me.

so I wait.
I wait for them to start the storm
that always calms me.

to feel the beauty of the rain.
to hear beauty in the roaring.
to see flashes of beauty in the sky.

every bit is wondrous,
and together they create disaster,
they cause destruction.

but the aftermath is peace,
it is silence,
it is a new beginning.

and that is what makes it so, perfect.