in the end,
   even Odo gave in
to the desire
  to rejoin the
      great link

as soon as i
can
<get a grip>
i'll stop
mistaking you
for
someone who cares.

i've had
    mouth spaghetti
now
i can never
go back.

i mean,
***** just landed.
don't even know
how
i got here.

it looks complicated,

but it is all in
the coming | joining
   together,
s i m p l e.

whatever it is
that you think
you are doing,
it is likely
you are doing
the opposite.

pink plastic
batteries
wet spit
a black wing
  on the pavement

a light that went out
water that drips

a blinking clock

I'm seeing all these
people having
a sad
about the
women's march.

yikes. thought you guys were tough.

didn't know that a knitted kitty kat hat was so terrifying and offensive to people who don't believe in political correctness. So sad!

see i'm good at
      backing off
falling right off
quiet
quiet
quiet

suddenly,
  i s e e
that there may be
a possibili ty
that it's me
that will
d e c i d e.
me that
*quits.

lies i tell myself
when the truth
is shaped of sorrow
i will be fine
i will be fine
i will be fine.

it is incredibly h a r d
to see the blocks
in your own t h i n k i n g

(indigo)

sister is about to blow.
tolerance of ******* has
    h i t
an all-time
l
o
w.

i'm fairly certain
that when i sit perfectly still
on a rock
no one can see me.

i'm getting good at
becoming the rock,
staring daggers into the
trees and sky,
trying to figure out
what they are up to.

as far as i can tell,
trees don't feel bad
about stretching toward the sun;
they don't feel like *******
reaching for what they need most.

they don't even move.
they make themselves home
and get stronger and stronger;
and even if they get knocked down
they are beautiful
little birds hopping,
critters scampering and
golden light stretching.

once i sat on a rock
and stared daggers into the creek.
huge pieces of ice would
suddenly break off
and join the rush of water,
always moving,
that crazy sun
a ball of gas in the sky
making the ice in the creek melt.

i really don't know what to do with myself
other than watch this
drama unfold;
sit still on rocks
and watch, and wait.

and i always leave in a
fit of fleeting glory;
where i temporarily,
for a tiny instant
see myself
as a thing of the earth
turning into something
magnificent and powerful...

and then it is gone.

and i think about
how silly my life is
how i try so hard
to give myself
an interesting story to write.

what do
     y o u
want to
c o n n e c t
to?

in constant tumbling thought
what i desire
is so clear...
so simple...
so pure.

but in the heaviness
of the earth
all i feel is
the impossibility
of all things
precious to me...
  slipping through my grasp

no one touches
the downstairs
down there
down hairs.

why have you
brought me
to this place?
it is unknown to me
but still,
i flail around
like an utter fool
for you  
searching for
the rhythm
looking for
the way through.

there are all these
people
just going around
passing through
my life
thinking they are
n o t h i n g
   or maybe fleeting
or forgotten
when they have
no idea
that they
are life itself,
and to me
are each
so unfathomably unique
and beautiful,
that the mere
thought of them
sustains me.

it’s a good thing
i don’t need you anymore

because you wouldn’t be here
anyway.

i want
to whisper things
to you
in the night
   in the dark
      warm under covers

i want
to make you smile

i want
to tell you
all of the things
of my heart
and have them
be safe with you

i want
to hold
all of things of your heart
  safe in my mind
     protected forever
         behind my eyes

for you,
love is a common thing.
you practically trip over it.

for me,
it is rare.

human,
do not project yourself
onto the other.
do not look at the other
and say to yourself,
"well if i were her,
i would..."

you are a better human
when you project yourself
into the other
when you lose yourself
and become them
you will see
  the way forward.

if you’ve never felt
absolutely
    e x c r u c i a t i n g
maddening
         \breathless\
pleasure...
      then i’m not sure
what exactly
  you are doing with your life.

things
s l o w
d
  o
    w
       n
suddenly
*in the violet-white
sheen
f l o a t i n g
on the air.

every time
i approach
| peak | a w a r e n e s s |
of this thing
this life
this reality...

fuzziness focused
by the
aperture of my mind and -

the universe conspires
to push.
      me.    
  back.
        down.

i imagine us,
my friends
my family
in need of asylum
the unthinkable happening to us
and wondering the lengths
we would go to for
each other
and no imaginary government boundary
could keep me from
trying to save my family.
i try to imagine
my niece and nephew getting
separated from my brother and sister
put into an old Wal-Mart with
fluorescent lights and
metal cages
surrounded by strangers
with no comfort or stability
that comes from being with
those who love you enough
to risk everything to
save you.
but my mind will not allow it.
it is too unjust
too disturbing
and I don’t know how to
wake myself from this nightmare.