There's an ocean
Sloshing around
Inside my head

With each step
I feel the waves
Lap my skull

My mind is
Warped like
A heavy bucket

Brunette waves
Used as
A handle

His hands
Grab handfuls
Yanking my hair

Steers me clear
Of sweet
Relief

Takes me
And my ocean
Anywhere

Has me
Tag along
Just in case

If salty rivers
Ever succeed
In their escape

He let's them flow
Indifferent of
My waterways

I feel I am a true educator
Standing in front of my class,
And the time slips away.

A teacher when I fake a smile
For the sake of my students;
Unwilling to cry in front of them.

An instructor at heart
When I am willing to
Show that I am human as well.

A teacher in vulnerability.
Personable in profession.
Tenderhearted in being.

Creating noise
out of silence.
Itchy ignorance
and fine lines.

Pretended poise.
Parental guidance:
Your deliverance.
Trying times.

Lay down by midnight.
Take my phone off of "silent";
Just in case he calls.

I had never met a man
Who kissed my insecurities,
Tended my distorted perceptions,
And traced lips across my scarred skin.

I was worthy to be lavished upon.
In your eyes, I was more than a trophy.
My figure was temptful but valued;
Every penny was well-spent.

You brought back what should have been.
My previously unmet expectations
Brought my hopes down;
Your gentleness built them back up again.

We may not have worked out...
But your pursuit taught me a lesson:
I am lovely and fine with being "incomplete"
Three adventurous months with you... were enough for me.

Walking through the flames,
Sabotaging your plans,
A smile on your face,
Proud to be a man.

Set the place ablaze
With callused bitter words,
Merry holidays -
Meant to be deferred.

Fed the fire impulsivity -
And hasty decisions.
Left me gasping for stability;
For smokeless oxygen.

Let the flames immerse
What was left of you and I.
Caught up in this curse
Of selfish goodbyes.

He's been wearing white
For the past few months
Trying to prove
That he is blameless

I like to think there's
A cast on his knee
Because he prayed for
Forgiveness... and me

I'm sure there's a frown
Painted on his face
Due to the lack of
What we used to be

Karma's out to knock
Him off of his throne
No sympathy when
He comes crashing down

And when he leaves just like the rest of them,
Do not let your tongue turn to thumbtacks

Stop trying to pierce the walls with your words
While you shuffle around the coatrack

When he moves thousands of miles away,
Cease to check in on him

Burn his t-shirt you took from his unmade bed
Watch your phone cascade into the depths

Do not wander his old town at night
Looking for the back of his head

Don't you dare knock on his previous roommate's door
Thinking he'll still be there

When he leaves on his "adventure"
Let the planes watch themselves

Let the clouds envelop the cool steel
Stop wondering if he's thousands of feet above

Do not pick up his cologne in the department store
His scent is no longer something you can crave

Do not search for air thick with his vapor
Leave behind his nicotine haze

Wake yourself from dreaming of his hands
Do not imagine his selfish desires

Erase intimate memories in his bed
Because his touch only caused fires

When he decides to leave you behind,
Let him

Then mend your wounds.

I knew she planned on staying.
When she unpacked her belongings.
Mia told me she wasn't playing.
This time, she would cause the falling.

She woke me up the first night,
After he ran away.
Mia's chapped lips whispered our old times,
She reminded me of tooth decay.

For the next few days, Mia was my shadow.
Her doe-eyes trailed my every course.
Waiting patiently for me to plateau,
Before attacking without remorse.

Mia told me she was mending my cuts,
My battered heart, and my sliced legs.
She was making me whole with every hiccup.
He may have left, but she was here to stay.

We held hands throughout the store.
She helped me buy my favorite treats.
Binging together before locking the door.
Purging never tasted so sweet.

Mia held my hair and my pink tongue.
Her fingernails made my throat bleed.
Convinced me secrecy made this fun.
Our kneeling prayers were a mystery.

She wiped my tears with her acidic hands,
And whispered how much she missed me.
Mia uttered how only she would understand
My longing and misery.

Recovery is painful
But my mother’s words are like daggers in my chest

Her dietary verses sound all too familiar
She looks at my body as if it were trash

We view my physique the same way, really
I’m either sick or complete flab

I feel myself slipping into old routine
(Although the scale says nothing different)

I feel her fingers rubbing against my wounds
During my daily weigh-in

It’s difficult to love the skin I’m in
When my mother frowns at a larger pair of pants

I did the math and realized I’m forty pounds above my lightest
I’m sure my mother wouldn’t care if I reached that weight again

Not even in the slightest

March feels wintry
On the first day of spring
I am an abductee.

Hades' hunger for sexuality
His underworld queen
Pomegranate seeds

When spring isn't spring
And the grass isn't green
I am Persephone

i'm five years younger in his presence
all tenderness and muffled sound
ten feet taller standing near him
pure confidence and mischief

he's adrenaline
a therapeutic freefall
pure heroine

i'm romantic and hopeless
a breezy summer evening
a soft caress

When she looks you up and down
Like the men you cross paths with on the street
Do not cast your eyes to the floor
Stand tall; despite the heat

When your mother tells you to keep your tiny jeans
In hopes of shedding weight like snakeskin
Cut the denim in strips
And place it all around her kitchen

When she throws your baked goods away
And replaces them with everything sugar-free
Send dozens of cupcakes to her doorstep
Then proceed to eat as a hyperbole

When your mother purchases running shoes and sports bras
Walk around the house in your under-things
Lounge in the bathtub with a bear claw
Do not let her control your way of being

Thoughts concerning you
Have been absent

You were a brief moment
In what once was

I told you to come back...
And you have

But I am not sure
Why you're here

You may have made
My knees weak

Your delicate touch
May linger still

We might have made plans
To sneak away for a weekend

But those short-lived weeks
Haven't haunted me

I don't know
Why you're here

And I'm not sure
You know either

I saw you in my sleep,
Dreaming of you mending
Stitching
Repairing the unraveled seams
Suturing the unkept promises
Sewing my ****** vessel
Back together
Watching as the needle and thread
Mesh with the blood and flesh

i've lined his sheets with
"tell me more"
"please don't go"
"lock the door"
and "pull me closer"

we've sewn
phrases, unintelligible noises, and whispers
into the mattress
one great cross-stitch
spread across the box spring

he's etched my skin with
"take your time"
"can i stay?"
"that doesn't rhyme"
and November Gray

we've read
excerpts, classics, and unfinished plots
among the sheets
words: a vehicle
to take us anywhere

It's been three weeks
Since you ripped my heart
Straight out of my chest

Yet you're walking the streets
With her on your arm -
Your new marvelous quest

While I do not consider
Myself to be picturesque,
Lovely, or striking

I am daintier
And not impressed
With your exquisite timing

She holds a pulse,
That is the truth
A sad one, at that

But she's merely an impulse
A spur of your youth
Which you will soon regret

I’ve worn your shirt for two days
I can't bring myself to take it off

It carries your scent
Reminding me of long nights tangled up with you

You hated the way the fabric clung to your body
Yet I loved how it hugged your broad shoulders

You loved to see it on me
And adored how the hem reached my knees

We exchanged that shirt
Back and forth, and back and forth

On your back during the day
And wrapped around my body at night

Enveloped in your bare arms and chest, asleep
With your shirt as my nightwear

Now, I sleep alone

But I continue to spend lazy days and sleepless nights
In your red t-shirt

My mother taught me
How to clean clothes
How to iron
How to fold

She showed me
How to clean the stains

I wish she would have
Showed me
How to take away
The stains made by you

The rips
The tears
The scars
And the blemishes made

In my memory
All because of you

I tried to collect those moments
Like I collected sunsets.
Trying to save them in the mason jars
Of my mind.

The upward curve of his lips;
Pink clouds.

Eyelashes on my cheek;
Deep purple hues.

Those seemingly perfect seconds
Here and gone again.
His brightest colors; my favorite flashes
Shown in a instant.

Tender touches;
Vivid orange.

Soft exhales;
Pale blue.

I remember pieces of his sunset;
Snapshots of mine.
Perched in jars on my window sill...
Absent of time.