They forgot to tell you it's not always easy,
that just because the ocean seems so
calm at night
doesn't mean it doesn't ache
for morning.
They forgot to tell you it takes time,
that weeks may feel like hours
and months may feel like years.
That it only grows deeper in patience
and stronger in absence.
They forgot to tell you it speaks louder
in silence than it ever could in words,
that it listens closer when my hands
talk to yours,
that it lives inside your bones,
and not inside your heart.
They forgot to tell you it makes you
weak at the knees,
and strong in the head.
That it can fill every broken crack,
and heal every open wound.
They forgot to tell you it will leave scars.
They forgot to tell you that you can
give it all away without ever having
it given back to you.
They forgot to tell you that is okay.
They forgot to tell you that memories
don't fade away.
They forgot to tell you that it hurts.
They forgot to tell you what it means.
I'm here to tell you that it's worth it.
I'm here to tell you that you're worth it.

Its hard not to stare
after being so close
the rush of heat that courses through me after a touch
Its hard being in the absence of abstinence.
Looking at the one next to me, I can feel my eyes changing.
You have my attention, and his is fading.
Knowing its wrong
touching you in the shadow looking for an excuse to feel right.
How can we have these ties, that bind both our hands so tight.
I think about our bodies
So elegantly intertwined
I think about the sinking feeling
of leaving another behind.
What is it to be human
and how do we move forward.
Cannot find love in lies
and I do not want to watch it die.
I hold the knife.

And I wish you would know that
I know how you feel.
How I know what you've been through.
And how I've been through it
Too.
Because then we might talk,
Shattering unscratched glass with the first sentence,
"What did you get for Number Seven?"
You would say, "Negative eleven, just factor..."
Maybe one day you'd text me and
Ask what the homework was
Because our teacher didn't tell you
From when you were sick.
And eventually, after tons of small talk,
After "How's the weather?"
Got old,
I could finally tell you
That I know.
I'd tell you that
I'm here, not the fake kind of here,
Which sounds like,
"I-know-and-I'm-here-and-you-can-talk-to-me-goodbye-forever­."
Not like that.
But the kind of here
That asks what ****** about your day,
And sends you links to cat videos,
And the kind of here
That texts you at two in the morning
And asks if you're alright
And doesn't take yes for an answer.

not really a poem idk*

His arms or yours
His mouth or yours
His bed or yours
His heart or yours

The thing is with him it doesn't feel right
I know it could, but I'm not ready
I'm not ready to be with someone just yet

He doesn't hurt.  I think it's weird.  I don't want someone that's going to ignore their feelings.. I don't want someone that isn't able to show me love

I don't want to be with someone where he can't commit.  I trust him, I do. I know he doesn't want to hurt me and I don't want to hurt him.

-

You, my old love
I miss you, I really do
Sometimes I lie down in bed and imagine you next to me, but then you disappear
I remember then that you're not mine anymore, the boy I've came to love is gone.  
I'm not willing to give you another chance either

You're curled up in bed by yourself, then there's that girl that you let use you. I don't know why, I thought you were better than that

-

The old us
We were great, we were amazing. But then life got in the way.  I loved you so much. I would do anything for you.  As much as I miss you I'm moving on too.. And leaving you behind.
You're always going to be with me.  In the way I talk, in the way I kiss, in the way I hold hands, in the way I cuddle, in the way I curl my arms around another boy.. You're always going to be here with me. You taught me so much.

-  

As I'm lying in bed with him I start to cry.  He says to let it out, to cry.  He hugs me and comforts me.  As much as it feels wrong it does feel right...? I like him but I'm not ready for anything more

He's sweet to me and I'm sweet to him
He respects me, I respect him
He's there for me and I'm there for him

The way he kisses is different, not wrong
Just different from the way we used to kiss..

I'm torn I don't know what's best for me

So I'm going to keep my distance from these two until I'm sure what I want

I don't want to get under a boy to get over you.
I'm better than that and I'm strong
All I want is to be happy
When I am, I'll be back
And stronger than ever

"i miss you" you say, but do you even know me?
we were friends for so long, but that's ancient history.
life's not about nostalgia or reliving our past,
it's all about now, moving forward and fast.
the moment is fleeting, so let's just move on,
i'll always love those green eyes and your favorite song,
but we've been holding on to those memories for way too long.

"i miss you" i say, as i think of all that we shared,
but what i really miss is having someone who cared.
i don't know who you are, our connection is gone
what we miss are the people we were before it went wrong.
i remember each tear that i shed and the lies that i told,
i remember that it was you who i used to hold,
and i remember that together we learned how to be bold.

"i love you" you said, but could you say that now?
do you remember the night in your bed when you made that vow?
you said we'd be friends forever, but that's a big word.
we still hadn't learned that you have to scream to be heard.
and we still shared everything, from secrets to food,
we whispered about your sister with the bad attitude,
we didn't know that within the year, our friendship would conclude.

"i love you" i said, and now i don't know who you are.
i miss the nights in your yard spent watching the stars.
you brought light to my life when i could only see dark,
i thought my fire was out, but you brought back my spark.
i tried to move on in every way that i knew,
but it's hard to forget the girl who helped you through,
i think that some part of me will always love you.

we've said our goodbyes again and again,
but it's so hard to let go of your very best friend.
you taught me the meaning of having a family,
and taught me about love beneath an oak tree.
we were just kids, had no idea of the aftermath of our actions,
we forged a friendship full of unnecessary attachments,
but now we have to grow up, there's no room for distractions.

"just try to move on" you whispered, leaving me in the dust,
"i don't know if i can" i said, "you're the only one i can trust."
but you left anyways, and now i know that it's not your fault;
we did what we could, but our love was brought to a halt.
so i'm taking your advice, i'm moving on,
everything that we shared is suddenly gone,
i shed my last tears over you last night in your old lawn.

"i love you" you said, and i know that you meant it.
"i miss you" you said, and i'll never forget it.
you've left your fair share of scars on my broken heart,
but now that i've let myself cry, the healing can start.
you never meant to do me any harm,
but oh, how i miss your smiles and charm,
and i still can remember being wrapped in your arms.

no words that i write can ever compare,
i'll always remember everything that we've shared.
but it's been a few years, and now i have to say goodbye,
there's no point holding on to our song and your green eyes.
i promise i'll keep every secret you spoke,
and i'll keep on laughing at all of our jokes,
so i guess this is goodbye to you and our summers under that oak.

I am a meal
At the mouth of an ocean
Disappearing along with the tide
Arms and legs devoured by teeth
The enormous blue giant inside

I struggle to regain footing
As I'm rapidly carried away
The icy waves an electric shock
Stealing me with their sway

In the distance, the shore
She stretches astray
dissolved into deep
and sparkling waves

However, out here
the water is soothing
I’m floating on liquid sky
My mind is clear
my body numb,
my panic, I’ve forgotten why

I let myself slip into the darkness,
like sheets on summer nights
Sweetly surrendering to the sea
Forgive me, I quit the fight