i
only
consist
of
nostalgia,
empathy
and
fear

the strings
that are my mind
are coming undone
without you
here.
fraying at the edges
slipping between
my fingers,
try as i might
to grip them.
there's no hope
for me,
my strings are
coming undone
just like
yours did.

You left.
That should
have been expected
Because who has
Ever stayed for me.

I know that I
Can be difficult,
I wont use my bruises
As an excuse for myself
Because I have none.

But forgetting
Your name
Wont be easy.
It is on the lips
Of all my lovers,
It is the pressure
That makes diamonds,
It is the tectonic plates
Against my temples
Like a hangover.

You are in everything
That I am.
I hate that I cannot
Hate you.

Time will weather
Me away until
I am no longer rigid
At the mention of your name.

And I will forgive myself
For pushing you away.

I came to terms with the fact that
You're never coming back.
So when I sit in my car alone
And smell you
I can't bear the unknown.

I did everything I could
And told myself
Beyond everything
That you understood.

So that night I never heard from you
And that night you didn't
Look at me
I did everything in my power
To tell myself that there was never
An us of ours.

I can't listen to certain songs anymore
And that feeling of being unwanted
Is like never before,
And sleep used to be my escape
But now the darkness I see
Is like the darkness I saw in your room
So no matter where I go
Or what I do
I'm always followed by
The thought of you.

I breathe you,
I remember you,
I smell you,
Its beyond me why I still sweat you.

But I did everything..
I did everything.
I did everything I could,
And beyond it all,
I always told myself you understood.

I supposed I loved him
Because he could tell me I was beautiful
without ever opening his mouth.