The wind is howling outside, they say.

I wouldn't know,

it's not cold in here with you,

and I couldn't hear the wind,

not with this perfect music playing.

You can't just let it be can you?
Just when we are letting go,
you have to leave one more
everlasting blow.

Even hunched under a mountain of blankets

I'm still cold

Sometimes I feel like maybe dreams can come true.

Then I remember that's a dream as well.

"Let me take your burden for you"*

I lift my trusting eyes to the one who has always helped me

The plea is answered, and the weight is lifted.

Each day, the thoughts and feelings pile up,

the pain, the joy....everything.

Now it is released and I can let go..

to start anew

*"Thank you, Poetry, for always helping to carry my heavy loads."

You know when you're missing someone that's far away?
Well, with you, it's that same kind of thing...

Only you're tantalizingly close.

Please don't lose me in the crowd


*...like so many have before you...

Crunchy leaves lay on the guitar
as the music drifts off in the wind

This time there will be no fighting

no sudden outbursts that will lead to days of silence.

Just dealing with crap and leaving people guessing.

I'm still waiting for a response

that I'll never get.

Another two hours....

just two more hours left

to try to keep my eyes open

and maybe sleep well knowing everything is done.

another two hours...

another $20......

another 120 minutes that could've be spent in sleep

another 7,200 seconds the could've been spent finishing homework.

Are you angry with me?

Or are you just being stubborn?

Are you just waiting for me to say something specific?

Or not wanting to hear anything?


There's to many questions with you

to many uncertainties

and not enough answers.

A another story

a different beginning

The same outcome.

Someday I'll be completely rid of all these feelings.

they just create problems that aren't there.

All these characters lose their different shapes and meanings.

Is there really any point in this?

Nothing is left anymore

every last tear has fallen

every last punch or slap has been landed.

All those cries, shouts of frustration are done echoing.

My ears are left ringing from the sudden sounds of silence.

What do you do when there's nothing left

and no one will listen to you

no matter what you say

how you say it

or how loud you are.

True meanings cease to exist

                            as you do

Tears disappear into the earth
                            
                            freezing in the ground

As you are

If I were ever to go to a maquerade,
I wouldn't wear a mask.

Why should I?

I wear one everyday.

I can hear your tears from here
I know you try to muffle the cries

But I can still hear them
no matter where I am in the world

*Why won't you let me help?

All these rain drops

are just my tears



*f
   a
l
    l
i
   n
g

   d
o
   w
n

Stop thinking of feelings.....

i slip away...


music is my drug

"I want a relationship"
you said
"Same has always been for me"
I replied.

What has happened since then?
How was it that we fell apart

When just weeks ago you said
"How are we going to make it through college?"

How did that happen?
When we didn't even last a year?

How can a love so strong
a love we both risked for

Have been blown away
with a single breath?

Nothing i do can reflect my true feelings deep inside

I don't want to fall in love
just to say goodbye

Tonight I'm missing nothing...

but my life, my best friend

it's a theme all to common.

first we ran to each other

then together...

before i knew it you were to fast

and i was always running...

running after you.

But now i've given up


                          and
                            you
                              keep
                                running

I'll do anything to stay at school.

Run my **** off,
swim 'til I'm numb,
help save the earth (like I give a ****)
or learn about stuff I'll never need to know.

Any thing is better then what awaits me at home.

Is it better to go on
heart breaking that you aren't here?

Or have a perfect five minute conversation with you
That just leaves me wishing i said more
and heart broken that it'll be a long time
before I see you again?

You know what.....
Ima stop crawling on my knees
just to talk to you.

If I'm worth it to you,
you'll come find me.
And if that's the case...

You better hope I didn't forget you.

At one point,
tears aren't worth it anymore.

And you're left with that feeling,
that you're missing something.

For a moment,
i thought you actually remembered

or maybe even cared

but that tiny crack in the wall that let in the sun's rays

is sealed with your angry words.

And i am left,

yet again

trying to find my way out of this
dark,
wet,
never-ending maze

as the tears stream down my face

the winter is cominG...

soon yOur birthday will be here

remember the gift i gave yOu last year?

you probably Don't have it anymore

rememBer how last year when i went away for vacation

we would chat at least twice a daY...

you said so oftEn how much you missed me

i missed home because oF you

and yOu only.....

you said you had a present for when i retuRned

i nEver got it

i guess it wasn't loVe, and these things just fall apart

and as this year rolls around without you herE

i know i'll be missing eveRything i thought we had

I'm watching everything fall around me

and this time

*I don't care

I don't need some perfect, rich, famous singer to tell me
that you don't have to be perfect,
skinny,
pretty,
popular.

Cause they have it all, so what does their word mean?

You know it's completely over

when you've given up even trying

It's nights like these-

When tears fall from my eyes
with the water from the shower head

and my mind drifts every few seconds
with thoughts of what we were

-that I realize I've been living in denial

I laugh along
just because at one point

I would of actually been laughing.
But now it just kills...

because while he's being his old self with you,
he won't even talk to me.

I used to listen to softly playing music as i went to sleep.

Now I just fall asleep at the keyboard

waiting for an email from you

I'm falling behind
and I can't keep up.

Everyone else is leaping ahead
while I'm just trying to find my balance.

A breeze knocks me down again
but everyone else embraces it.

what's wrong with me?



maybe it's better i just give up

Why am I even awake?

There's no one to talk to

nothing to say.

Except stare at the screen

hoping for a reply from you