Nick warned me of my overconfidence as I said the words
"Pass me your panic, Matthieu, that's what I'm here for"
Apparently I was calling on too much from the Frenchman
More than Nick believed me capable of bearing
But his words were too late to spur any moment of deliberation
-not that consideration would ever cross my mind

In just a few sentences exchanged between us alone
I spotted a glimpse of something in Matthieu's eyes
Naturally, I pulled at the gleaming thread, the traces unravelling within my hands
But the shimmer I saw, was merely a reflection
What i held was cold, a lump of misery and surrender
This man had given in to a sadness so toxic it had nestled itself into his very core

And I took it
Telling him to relax for this night, i have your back
But, Nick was right in his warnings, this burden is the heaviest I've yet carried
Though, I can bear it, and I choose to wear it
This is my duty, Matthieu, and yours is another
You are meant for light, heart and joy
Keep walking to your destiny, the happy man.

I am still trying to find words that will effect you
I left my corpse-like projection in that space
Playbacks at night, illustrating fulfilled sordid desires of your necromancy  
Even when the show is over I feel your presence
Clinging to me and my surroundings
You egotistical ghosts
I guess you're expecting a rerun
Yet still, I strive to enlighten you to true happiness.

I've yet to question my selfless acts
Despite the wounds you have cut, the scars do not deter my cause
The thickening skin strengthens me
But calls upon more, and the voices have grown by numbers incalculable
Every night I am haunted
You leeches feast on me in gluttony
Draining me of whatever it is that feeds your lust.
Are you satisfied yet?

I stopped giving but I still give it all
I said goodbye with no intention of leaving at all
I just bid farewell to the person I was waiting for
Who would see me and know me
Unlike this person blinding themselves from what they saw

I just hoped that maybe one day would come
To light the darkness with the morning sun
Perhaps then I would be able to see
That the person I hoped to be speaking to
Was actually listening to me

I felt contented for a while
And I admit that I felt reason to smile
Yet that lonely feeling that so briefly subsided
Appeared from behind your cloud
And the truth once again with me collided

I hope it is finally understood
What I could not say even if I knew I should
But maybe you'll accept that the time will not come
That your footprint will never even start to fill
Those that were there when time had not yet begun

I don't find myself usually
So I choose to be lost alone
Thinking no one wants to be in the company
Of someone who's attention is not their own

But now I have finally discovered
A person I want at my side
Who doesn't need to be by my attention smothered
And helps me search for what is in hide

They care not for contact of my eyes that wander
For they know I listen still
Nor do they try to my purpose plunder
And think not to question my will

They stole it
And they're not giving it back
Like children they parade their toy for all to see
But selfishly keep it to themselves

They're tricksters
Fooling people to believe they share their stolen prize
Like the sandman they bestow fictional fantasies
But demand humanity in exchange.

They're parasites
Unable to find satisfaction in their timeless space
Like gluttons they lure craved emotions and feast
But never do they lose hunger.

They're killers
Deserting me here in loneliness unable to keep you near
Like poison they have ruined an ability man once mastered nobly
But in cruelty, they do not destroy it.

They're nothing
Envious of form, feeling and life that we once cherished
Like addicts they devote all of their nothingness to watch us
But they're too far to save.

They're not able to love
Bitter about my love for him they wage a war that I don't want to fight
Like vampires they try to drain me until I am one of them
But they will not succeed.

I've been too involved in the war
So much I've managed to drive you away from me
Making you forget who I am
Only showing you who is within me as if that is all I am
But I'm still me

I'm still that girl you fell in love with
Who still remembers you saving her in times of need
The girl that you helped become a woman
Who you helped to realize her destiny
I'm still her, I'm still me

I became that being who I embody
And I know now I did it wrong
Because instead we should in fact be one
Our hearts uniting allowing my love to  grow even greater
Giving strength to me and you

I was a fool, I can see it now
Fighting for us by fighting against you
When it is what is within you and no part of you with whom my war should be waged
And in harming you I scar what we are

I silence their words that escape your lips
Yet in silencing you are unable to denounce thy father
Star  crossed lovers, we hold the power to break this spell
So I apologise for my actions so recent
My Romeo, I give you once more my true loves kiss

Sometimes I choose to be away
But fear not for my love for you continues to grow
I do not mean insult nor to provoke doubt
I am here still
Wearing your name across my heart

You may wonder what keeps me away
But don't ponder for long
As the mind is a treacherous thinker
You may read my words
Watch over me if you wish

But be aware in your watching
Don't close your eyes too long when you blink
And get caught by their conjured illusions
Nor look to mirrors in search of my image
As their reflections betray your eyes

Don't stare
Don't be hypnotized by the moving pictures
Don't watch the movements of light
Nor of shadow for neither reveal clear images of honesty
But do, do look to your heart for it is the true looking glass

Curiosity killed the cat, is that so?
Yet the cat has still eight lives at hand
Day after day I pounce mindfully into the almost fantastical battlefield they created
That is so cunningly masked as it polar opposite
An endless field of love they advertise so temptingly

Yes eight lives with eyes newborn
That forever preserve my immortal memory-
Lessons learnt. Morals understood. Choices made
My feline eyes see in my darkness
Their glow shines a constant glowing light exposing your disguises
Yes, my transient companions
I see you

I've fooled myself all along
My written word, although genuine was manipulated
My honesty, used as a disguise for my trickery
Unknowingly I was becoming a prisoner of my mind.

I've been waiting all this time
My corpse like body silent and still
Boredom crept in, and impatience questioned
What am I waiting for.

I should know now that thoughts, however positive, have no effect
As momentary pleasures traps others
I had trapped myself in that prison with my own thoughts
I am good, I have good intentions.


Yes, my own mind had me cheated
I see now as I sit empty handed, rotting in my place
Empty hands, yes here are hands that can touch and hold
Time to stop thinking, use these hands and grab eternal pleasure.

Yesterday I was consumed in manic thought
Trapped amongst the ruins of the kingdom lost
Spiraling without direction in turbulent cyclones of an even greater hurricane
I've ridden so many possessed winds before
But these gusts were more than tumultuous airy waves
They were furious fireballs scorching past my cool skin
So fast I could not make out their purpose
I could not decipher the reason I was so lost in these thoughts
But I didn't want to escape this storm
I wanted to weather it

You watched me from the observatory
And although you read the forecast as clearly as I
You refrained from offering shelter, even if my refusal was certain
I grabbed at the lettered sparks trailing the flames flying past
And collected incomplete sentences that burnt into my cupped hands
Enough to fill the blanks and grasp a vague understanding
Enough to finally speak what was heavy on my mind
To break the silence of feeling your loud eyes upon my troubled thought
And to voice words you already knew were coming

We listened to a song the previous day
Lyrics already  retained gave way for her spoken words to be remembered
And I remembered them, and in mind they echoed calling my attention
Encouraging my comprehension to  call upon understanding
To push speculation in order to pull out thought in a single thread
My mindful spinning wheel kept turning as the threads emerged
And rolled of my tongue in woven sentences
Yet you didn't pick up the ends to help me fold my tapestry of fate
Truthfully it grew and your unmoving feet bore down upon it
You had to go before you trampled all of our future

Yes my love I am still awake.
Yes indeed, I am in the same routine
Yes, you're right, I haven't eaten enough
Yes I've finished the bag
And yes, I have bought another

You're wrong in saying that I am trapped
You're cruel to criticize without even advice
You're ignorant to think that I am weak
You're cowardly not to stand by my side
Because its you who are imprisoned

I am strong enough to fight your battles as well as mine
I have enough faith to keep focused on my true goal
I have ample love to give me infinite sustenance
I believe completely and that should give you reason
I have my poison at my own accord

The  roots of our trees as locked together
Our branches shade both of our souls
Nests are built on our joint branches
To cradle infants we are yet to home
You're bark is darkening
Your stump growing frail
Come back home and realize your love
Don't **** the key to humanity's resurrection

You branded me unfaithful when all I had was my faith
Accused me of not loving you when all I have is love to give
You blamed me for being idle when all I've done is fight the war
And you believe you left me because I'd changed when all I've done is matured

Your fingers pointed at me so often whilst your words judged only you
And called out my so called wrongdoings whilst all your doings were wrong
You ran away from where I am now yet it is I who remains ahead
You believe you left me but all you did was fall behind

You did all the things you denied and denied all the things I did
You took the love I gave completely but rejected it all the same
You cut my wounds whilst healing them and never let my blood run dry
And here I stand still bleeding with nothing but love to give

I'm baffled at your confidence
I would have thought such cunning equaled in intelligence
You prove me wrong yet again
By assuming your words similar in advancement to manipulation

Your arguments have not progressed
As my ability to weave in and out of conversation traps
Like a robot your speech is limited
Triggered by topic of interaction

Your inability to compute my well devised arguments renders you repetitive
"You speak in riddles"Is a line heard much too often
As are those clever attacks questioning my mental stability
But they're too often, my dear, too much you *question your own

I always knew my presence in your world would be brief
Yet I still am not only human, but a woman too
And by nature, emotions kicked in instinctively
Feeding the seeds of love with thoughts of possibility and potential
The words clouding my eyes and blinding me from my cause
And for that moment all I saw was you.

Your fear and focus jump started with these foreign feelings
Dragging you back and shrouding you in insecurity
Bombarding you with doubt without reason
Knocking you back down from where you had been before
Your fall, cutting me painfully deep was somehow as much a relief
For you were not ready to fight as I was already fighting.

I know your hands better than my own
Their touch, their script, their sensation
My skin an open book to be filled by your words alone
Words of care and incomparable adoration
Their form is unsolid
Yet their touch I can feel
Their movements in silence
Yet the silence I hear
The ink fades upon my skin
As soon as the words are written
I strive to catch the fading script
Before they are gone and forgotten

Just by chance the taxi drove a little too far
Merely by impulse I decided to go inside
The fluorescent entrance was conveniently right in front on me
why not called temptation and my feet obeyed

Just in curiosity I strolled down unnecessary aisles
Simply by nature I left my soul bare
Swarms of negativity and hummings of positivity flew through me
so what my faithful reassurance comforted me

Just as always I returned insult with compliment
Eyes as ever looking deeper than fantasy
And then I saw her, shredded clothes and body worn
look closer winds whispered from a land unseen

Just in loyalty my eyes studied this woman
And in love I recognized purity that I strive to wield
The evil whisperers are hypocrites in their claiming her *****
and wrong they are too for all I see is light

I used to think I would always be
Free to love whoever I please
And I thought my loving you
Was a choice made at my own ease

But now i see when we meet again
The bars around keeping me within
I would have been alone by myself
But I was given no choice inside the prison you locked me in

And now you come whispering words through the bars
Leaving without turning 'cos I'll never escape
So much care you had to get me in
Now there's no rush 'cos you know I'll always wait

I watched a video today
About a boy of 17 meeting his fate too soon
The doctors said the cause was cancer
And millions mourned his passing
But close your eyes, and bring about your smile
He was not just a boy
He was a light
A star burning, outshining so many
His glow rippling continuously
A breeze cooling and bringing joy to all
He never wanted payment
He never needed thanks.

Bitterness possesses so many,
Crowds gathered and teamed their jealousy
So much that it grew uncontrollably
Overflowing into his well kept gardens
But he was good
He did not kick them off his land
Instead he swept them to one side
Possibly in hope that they may appreciate the sun once more.
But, their poisons gathered in darkness and shadow
And only few were gently released in the softness of his breath.
Others remained attacking his lungs
Yet still he smiled.

The papers spoke of tragedy
I too, have felt the loss
But dropped small gifts behind him through his journey
That echo infinitely as streams, gracing all.
His words of kindness
His smile so infectious.
His fight without fighting.
His currents still travel, as tides never tire
I felt his glow wash upon me and say to you this-
I strive to shine as bright as you did,
And with your glow clasped tightly in my hands, I know,
One day, I will.