There is something within me
A light that no one can see
But everyone can feel
It burns immortal inside me
It fills and takes form of my body
Its light shining through my pores
Its warmth pulsing out through me
As if a drumroll to who I'm yet to be
As if the beating of a heart in time with my own
There is someone within me

I hate the way you laugh at me
When you witness my insecurity
Knowing how much I love you gives you freedom
And unfathomable security

I hate the way you went away
When you could have easily stayed
And how you pretend you never see my ghost
Being victim to cruel games played

I hate how much I love, sometimes
And lying here on the earth
Sinking deeper with every foot upon me
I need you to pull me up and show my worth

I love you more than words can say
And I survive from futures I dream
But that doesn't mean the games you play
Go unnoticed, unfelt or unseen.

We didn't speak yesterday
And last night you didn't pass me your usual wishes
Sending sweet dreams at a normal hour of rest
Normally I would go about my routine just as I always do
Secure and unaffected by your absence

But last night was different
Instead of using distractions to ward off thoughts of doubt
I used them to stop myself from thinking about you
I was scared from the night before
When I assumed that I could speak to you

I guess I was wrong
No, from your response and wooden reactions, I know I was wrong
The love I have for you misled me
Let me believe that we, deep in love, are free
And free to talk about things unspoken

Please don't turn away
Don't let the fear get to you and the love be forgotten
Don't sacrifice us, because of what they might say
Baby, I'm sorry if my words put you in a difficult position
Stay with me, I need your hands to cover my mouth

I'm borrowing the hand of God for a moment
-don't worry, I'll give it straight back when I'm done
I just need to make an adjustment
My body needs attending
My mouth to be precise
-don't worry, it will remain as it is
I just want to be able to close it completely
And silence words from escaping through breath
-don't worry, my voice won't be muted
Ill just fasten a zip to open and close
So that I can stop Urge from stealing conversation
And placing the words in unwanting ears
I was just seeking understanding
Instead, negative reactions overcrowded listeners' faces
But I kept on trying to lure response
-Unsuccessful every time, as Effort occurred absent
Having fled before giving me choice to give it up
So, don't worry anymore
I would rather not be met with discomfort
-maybe, when unease leaves enough space upon your face
I will once again ask to borrow that same hand
-don't worry, I won't change anything else
But instead, I will remove what I sewed down before
And allow those words to ride on breath
Giving seat for lips travel to a smile
Where it leaves its seat and steps off the carrying words
Passing Happiness, the next passenger, as it gets on from the smile
Taking the free seat, and starting its journey
Stopping at destinations of many and all
Offering its seat to every spirit in need of lifting
And sharing itself, for everyone to enjoy.

Birds seem to mock me
Laughing at me more than I laugh at myself
In Chinese whisper they sing their songs
One to the other
Tree to tree
Carried through the air until finally reaching my ears
By which point their sweet songs have become more of a taunting laugh
The wind dilutes the cruel words
As it carries their words it blows away all it can
The breeze brushes away many poisonous letters
But there's only so much nature can do
While still remaining natural
One word always survives the journey
But that's still another injury for me to bear
Another effort made to ignore it
As it hit me and nests within my mind
The blow is soften by the winds, upon which it travelled
As it breaks I feel it wash upon my skin
Reminding me to breathe
To stretch myself to the borders of my skin
And feel the air filling
Lifting life back to its feet, standing before me
I see you once again
And I'll start living again.

I apologize for shining so brightly
It was not done to insult, nor to feed ego
I fueled the fires, too much
I wanted to blind myself-
To consume the darkness with my radiating glow
But the light meant to injure my eyes hurt your eyes too
I didn't realize you were there
Sharing my eyes and bearing my wounds
I know now
And I do fear you still, don't fret

You were always there, burning in the scorching heat
Never making yourself or your pain known
But I know now
You made sure of it yesterday
When you finally approached me
With all the evil darkness you could muster in the flames
You clouded my light and trapped me in dream
Holding me and blocking the doors to awakening
Making sure I witnessed your presence and anger
And it worked, don't fret

The terror was nothing I could ever conjure in dream
And despite loss of breath and quickening of heart
That nightmare showed  your power
And your lines that should not be crossed
But I am humbled, and grateful for that
And I see my blessings of friends and strangers who watch over me
When I looked to the clouds in desperation I found them
With the sun shining gloriously
Its rays hit the back of heads making halos
And highlighting their words...don't fret

I wont burn so brightly anymore
My fuel is low from excessive use
But, though my light alone is dimmed
There is no more darkness to brighten
Because, I know my angels are always there
Their light forever glowing with mine
I won't fret

My head is heavier than usual tonight
My hands occupied
But they're holding yours, and I appreciate the comfort
My back is strained by the unbearable weight of weightless ghosts
Who without asking, choose it to carry them, and their burdens additionally
And stealing strength to support my own

I have no other space available to store sustenance and life support
So I  mimic a tribeswoman, by making use of my head
-but, it's not water I balance-
No, instead it carries small tokens collected from friendly strangers
Who throw in their chips, to be later exchanged for currency of no value

My head is not the ideal surface
Being round and uneven, it leaves little option
I have to balance them, one on top of the other
Struggling to stack them evenly, and keep them in place

My steps create  turbulence
I feel as if I'm in a boat riding a raging sea
I feel the stack sway with my movements- as if being thrown around by ferocious waves
I yearn for this never ending storm to clear
To once again sail the calm tides

With an overflowing head, and overbearing load
Strength is spread and lessened in ability
Composure has to be forced, and my deceit shows in each step
This game of Jenga is hard to keep in play

Its a gamble, which, as all bets do, appears fair
But we know, the house always wins
With little birds watching your every move
Keeping their distance, their songs convincing ego to do the ***** work instead

The guards sit back behind closed doors,
Watching their screens and waiting for their plans to come into action
All the while, pushing thoughts of winning from daydream to an idea realistic
Unnaturally high paranoia is a fortunate misfortune
Encouraging natural instinct to flee, rather than fight

I abandon seat before it is even warmed
And move take whatever winnings I have
Not risking a double cross from Lady Luck, at my left
And be stripped of much more than the chips on the table

I walk to the wall of cashiers, my mind in sprint
The counters have gold ledged windows,  as if they are framing works of art
My playful mind and artistic eye envision paintings in their stead
And I find that the motionless figures inside add believability to my imagination

Keeping fingers tight on their gold has them hypnotised
The picture stilled from the concentration exerted
I know now to avoid these cashiers
And in honesty, it is fear not knowledge that keeps my distance

You never know what could happen if you disrupt the masterpiece