Breath in.
Breath out.
You're fine.
For now.
But how long can I stay hidden?
Soon they will find me.
I don't know how much longer I can bare this pain.
Its more than just emotional,
Its physical too.
But I have to hide it.
The bruises on my arms,
"I just fell."
The scratches and cuts on me,
"It was my cat."
Lies.
It was them.
My parents.

I'm lost.
I'm losing my friends.
My family is horrible.
I'm losing my mind,
Trying to fight these thoughts of suicide.
Note I said trying,
But really its more like failing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm tried of everything.
The lies,
The names screamed at me,
The hits I take.
I'm done with it all.
The only people I stayed for was my friends,
But I'm losing them.
I'm lost,
So very lost.

Words, thoughts
Tangled together in my mind,
Waiting for the one little push
That makes me fall off the edge.

You told me to be strong
And I'm trying to be strong.
But even the strongest diamond
Eventually **breaks.

You stole my heart
When you ran away.

You have made me break my promise
Not to cut again.

You broke me
And I cannot be fixed.

I don't know what to say.
I can't speak,
You have taken all my words.
I can't find the words to describe you
And how you make me feel.

There is only one thing I can say:
               I love you.

I have been weak.
I have been strong.
But sometimes,
You need to see blood.

How many times are you going to yell at me?
I didn't mean to.
I just was looking at the knife
And then the next thing I know,
You are here screaming at me as you bandage my bleeding arm.

How many times are you going to scream at me?
I didn't mean to.
I was born
And look at me, I was a mistake from the beginning.
And yet it still hurts when you scream at me
Because I know that you truly don't care about me
And you will leave me just like they did.

I have a stalker.
But the thing is,
I know who he is.

He is my 'friend.'
Or at least I thought he was.
Spencer...

Grab me.
Follow me.
Watch me.

I want to tell you stop,
But you won't listen.
You won't stop.

I wanted a guy who would finally say
I love you
And actually mean it.

I thought that you were that guy.

I'm drowning.
And no one cares enough to save me.

You say I'm insane.
You are right.
I am insane.
I am broken.
I am shattered.
I am absolutely insane.

I've run out of words to say,
The pain is taking over,
All I can do is feel,
And I can't speak at all.

Curled up in a ball,
Crying my heart out.
You said you would never hurt me,
But you did.

Trying to write my feelings away,
It's not working very well.
I can still feel the hurt.
I can still feel the pain.

A strong night breeze blows my hair away from my neck,
Exposing the scars on my neck.
The moon watches silently as its cold light glitters off my knife.
A cold breeze blows against my back,
Carrying the words "Hurry up and die."

A night breeze blows over my still and silent body,
Carrying a shrill scream.
A boy leans over my body, crying silently.
The stars combine to show my very last message to you.
'I love you. I'm sorry. I had to. Please don't hate me. Goodbye'

I wish that I could stop your
Suffering.
I wish that I could endure your
Pain for you.
I wish that I could build a
Place to protect you.
I wish that I knew that you
Love me as much as I love you.
Zach, what I wish most of all is
That I was with you.

Fade.
I'll fade away from your memory.

Don't worry.
You barely even remember me now.

I'm lost.
I don't know what to do.
People scream at me.
Tell me I'm worthless,
I'm a horrible person,
That I need to change.
But I can't.
I've tried and yet you still say these things
What am I doing wrong?
What can I do to become the person you can love?
What can I do to become the girl people won't hate?

No
One
Cares
That
I
Am
Slowly
Dying.

His words screamed louder than her demons,
But what she didn't know was that he would leave her
And let her demons destroy her.

I wish I knew a way to
Stop.

Thousands of
Missiles
Are aimed
At my heart,
But yours
Was the first to
Strike.

If you ask me why I have so many scars
I will tell you the truth.
I have been weak.
I have been strong.
But sometimes
You need to see blood.

My heart is racing
With fear
As I wait for the first hit.

I don't remember how this started
But
I do know how it will end.

After the last hit falls,
I will crawl defeated, to my room
And drown my sorrow in alcohol.

Helpless against you,
I can't do anything, but wait.
Wait for you to say something,
Wait for you to tell me that you still care.
But, I know that I am waiting on nothing.

What did I do to deserve you?
Are you blind or stupid or crazy for sticking around?

What did I do to deserve your love?
That's right, I don't deserve it.

What did I do to deserve your attention?
I don't deserve anything from you.

Please tell me what I did!
I need to find out.

What you never knew
Ultimately destroyed me
And my whole life.

What you never knew
Was that I am a monster
That can't be controlled.

What you never knew
Was how I torture myself
Trying to be good enough to be a daughter worthy of you.

When push comes to shove
You will know that you deserve what comes next.

When push comes to shove
You will know what you did to me was wrong.

When push comes to shove
You will remember all the pain you caused.

And when push comes to shove
You will know that you won't survive.

All because of what you did.

When this poem ends and is posted,
I will be gone.
When you feel my absence
Listen to the wind and hear my laughter.
Look up at the stars and know that I am happy.
When you feel the sun on your back know that I am there.
When you feel peaceful know that I am watching you.
When you feel like flying know that I am lending you wings.
Listen and you will hear my voice.
Look around and you will see me in everyday objects.

I will never truly leave.
So when you feel my absence
Listen
Look
And feel.

Where's the fairness in life now?
I loved you,
But you never loved me.
I needed you,
But you said "*******."

Why do you insist on saving me?
Can't you see that I can't be saved?

Why do you invade my thoughts?
I keep trying to push you out of my mind, but I can't.

Why can't you leave me alone?
I don't want to hurt you.

Why can't you just hate me like everyone else?
It would be easy to.

I am a poet because
I have seen many things.

I am a poet because
My voice has been silenced.

I am a poet because
Poetry is my voice.

I am a poet because
I am screaming, if only you would listen.

As I sit here,
The words pour out.
Shining, shimmering.
Decorating the page with beautifully painful words.
A deep, scarlet red.
The words soak into the page,
Leaving their imprint on the readers.
Letting the readers soak up the emotions off of the page.
The pain,
The happiness,
The joy,
The amazement.
The words are pouring out of me
And I hope that they can help someone.

You.
Oh, how I despise that word.
Because of what you did to me.

You poisoned me a thousand times.
All without me knowing.
Because I was in love with you.

You made me blind
From the rest of the world.
Because you played me for a fool.

You are a monster.

There was once I time I cherished being with you,
But then I realized what you really are.

You are a monster.

I'm waiting for the day you finally say why you put up with me
And **** me.

You are a monster.

I know that now,
But I still can't escape.

You said that she was too fat,
But you didn't know that she was starving herself.

You said that she had too many scars,
But you didn't know that she cut herself so maybe, just maybe, she could feel alive.

You told her to die,
But you didn't know that she would actually try to die.

You told me that I would never survive,
But survival is my middle name.

You told me that I was weak,
But I'm still here.

You told me that I was too broken to be fixed,
But I have someone who is fixing me.

You told me that I could never be loved,
But I have someone who loves me.

You told me that I could never love,
But I have someone that I love so much.

You told me that I don't have feelings,
But I have more than you.

Zora,
Zoe,
Zoey,
Zoe Zoe.
So many nicknames,
But no matter what you were called,
You were still one of the greatest dogs I ever owned.
When my grandparents called today to tell me that you were gone,
My heart shattered.
You were with me ever since I was little.
You protected me.
You played with me.
You helped me through hard times in my life.
Now you are gone,
And yes, some people will say "she's just a dog, get over it and stop crying,"
But you were my best friend.
I can't replace you
And I feel like I can't live without you,
But I know that somehow I will manage.
It will be hard,
But I know that your spirit is still with me.
Zora,
I'm sorry I couldn't be by your side when you died.
I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye face to face.
I knew your time was ending,
But it didn't stop my heart from breaking.
Yes, I know,
You're just a dog.
But to me, you are more than a dog.
You are my childhood playmate.
You are my best dog friend.
You are my rock.
Although I guess I should say was,
But you still are my best dog friend.
You always will be even though you are gone.
I love you, Zora.
I always will.