below me he sang a song
I can no longer sing along
a lover no more
he wants to ignore my hovering
as do I
a flight of stairs separated us
now it's everything else
I almost wish I had made some mistake
or he had smashed my heart to obliteration
because knowing we no longer
acknowledge each other
for no known reason
is like trying to move out of my own heart

like snow come spring
so stubborn
remaining in place
resisting change
clinging to the surface
when all thats needed is time to breathe
trying to grow but the buds are frozen cold
waiting for a chance to bloom
true colors covered with monotone blues

I say plants dance with the wind
you say they struggle to stay still

I can tell you this isn't fear
it's the constant feeling
that I don't belong here
not in this time
not with these people

everyone going through the motions
except for the fact that they aren't

only I play these solemn charades

I cannot hold a conversation
for these conversations hold no weight

more than willing to not shy away
there is simply nothing natural
about living this way

each face glued to what rests on
the palm
the lap
the wall

rarely other faces

why does this feel like my downfall?

I cannot see
my crescent eyes
draw lazy hallucinations
in front of me
it is simple
to ****** the deranged
from bottle to bottle
culprits may range
yet still valiant
and never faltering
at falsifying what is sane

actually
not too sure of what's gotten into me
because you and I no longer speak
nor do we ever see each other
still
even though there is no longer "we"
even though her & him & he & she
keep telling me to leave you be
to not make contact to set you free...

it's a little sick
that I keep these notes from you
now serving me sick little lies
on imaginary platters
to remind myself that it was real
and more importantly, it mattered

stop assuming you know

what others think
what others feel
what others need

start understanding

what you think
what you feel
what you need