It all started when I gave him life
A life in a world filled with passion and hate
With a burning desire to rip any mans' heart apart
He was so delicate and transparent
I got lost in his heart filled smiles and innocent laugh
His bright green eyes put a patch over my broken heart
A heart that was once ripped apart
I promised myself I wouldn't let a monster rip him apart
I will protect him with whats left of my heart
Even if it tears me apart

Now he is a little older and its breaking my heart
He's starting to see the passion and hate that drives this place
He's ever so slowly taking apart my heart
All I have ever tried to do was sew him together when he fell apart
I tried my hardest to protect his heart
But the monsters are playing with his heart
Its tearing me apart

My old heart aches for his love
I gave him everything
Now he wont even talk to me
The monsters got to his heart
Once a monster enters your heart it never leaves
Which is ripping me apart because
I tore him apart

Long blonde hair and blue eyes
A smile that once completed me
All the silly things I did to make her smile back at me
I did everything I could to make her happy
Even after she left me

I will never forget my first ****
She was young and filled with joy
She wore her heart on her sleeve
It was short and sweet
I looked into her big marble like eyes
Then I told her I no longer loved her
Her eyes turned cold
Everything about us flashed before her eyes
Her body became weak and fragile
One blink followed by a grimace of pain consumed her smile
Her faced sunk into her hands
She whispered to herself I knew I wasn't good enough
I sat there witnessing a beautiful woman self destruct
Looked like a tornado was consuming her thoughts
All I wanted was to hear her talk
There we sat in silence while she balled her eyes out
I stared blankly into her soul
Realizing the damage I've done
While a sense of relief washed over me
Then she looked up at me and was saying anything that came to her mind
Why.... I love you.... please give me a chance
I sat there feeling loved but I knew I couldn't help her anymore
That's when I said I'm sorry and walked away

How did I get here?
I woke up in a chair on a concrete slab
That appeared to be surrounded by a field of grass as far as the eye can see
There were few trees in the distance
It was a cool summer morning with sun rays piercing through the light fog
Then I noticed women I didn't recognized sitting across from me
She had very short brown hair almost looked like she was wearing a bandanna of brown
Her hair was thin and wispy just like the features on her face
Her eyes were dark but she had loveliest smile
For some reason I was really comfortable sitting across from this stranger
We started talking and we had the greatest conversation we were just talking about life and shared a few laughs
We were both drinking some tea
I had a pink mug
She had an easter blue one
She talked with so much life in her voice although you could tell she was in so much pain but at peace with her current state it was honestly hard to watch
I don't remember how the conversation got to what she said next
She looked me dead in the eye with her tear filled eyes and said, "I don't think you realize how happy you make my daughter." I haven't seen her carry herself so lightly since she was my little girl.......

She is a wildflower
Dancing in the wind so blissfully
Rays of sunshine caressing her so delicately
Drawing out her brightest hues of Blues and yellows with a touch of white
She's gorgeous and doesn't even know
She's been stepped on so often she would do anything to be picked so her mind can
Be put at ease and give her inner peace
Even with her bent steam and missing leafs
Everyone fails to see her inner beauty
The strength she posses to stand tall
Is truly a sight to see
Even during the worse of storms where
her roots are drowning in a suffocating
Flood of hopelessness and fear of losing herself
She finds a way to dance in the rain

She has a big heart
She lives in a world of lust
Its torn her apart

Dear Whoever You Are,

You will look in my eyes and see the mountains I have conquered
You will see how broken I had to be gain the fire you see
Yes I am the furthest thing from perfect
I am a work in progress
I am such a child right now
I thought I could find you at the bottom of a bottle
I tried searching for you for so long I began to hate myself
It literally just made me bitter and frustrated
I almost convinced myself I could drown my demons
But thank god for showing me the light was inside me all along
So I am trying my hardest to get the light from inside me outside

I am back to being me and no longer a shell of myself
I started working out so I can protect you
I am doing well in school so I can provide for you
I am accepting my past so I can be ready for our future
I have stop drinking so I can be there for you
I escaped a job that just caused me anxiety
I can finally sleep instead of being strung out on caffeine
I believe I am finally doing all the things I need to do
I am moving forward and no longer looking backwards

So please whatever you are doing right now don't stop moving forward
Every time you feel like you cant go any further just do it
I am begging you to take that next step
I don't care if it leads you into trouble
Because at least you are moving forward
Every step forward is another step towards us being together

                                                       ­                                                      Sincerely,
                                                      ­                                          Alexander Leino