is it something sparked
something found
or is it just
a passing thought
a fleeting urge

a rumbled hope
a trembled touch
a lost soul
in need of love

or is it a dream
of wickedness
a hunger
from desires flesh
to explore the forbidden
sins of lust

The world is a stage and life is a tragedy / and a comedy and a romance gone bad / and a love gone right until it has gotten away from us / and it’s ugly and cruel and its strange and beautiful and it twists and it turns / and we all got something burning inside of us /and we all got something to cry about / and we all got something to regret / and we all got something to smile about / and we all got something to sing about / but we move along like background actors afraid of center stage / afraid to feel all of our lonely rage / afraid of what will the audience think / afraid of stumbling on our lines afraid of tripping over our own heart beats / so afraid of dying in the limelight that we hold our breath and close our eyes and sleep without dreaming / and stay out of the spotlight and stay off in the wings / and what is it we’re living for by not playing the parts of ourselves / nothing but a shadow of who we could be / when will we all realize we can make our hearts into something bigger than a fist / that our heart can do something more than just beat / that we got the whole universe inside of us / and all we got to do is let it spill out / we don’t have to wait for our turn to be heard / we don’t need the permission of the director / we don’t need the applause of the audience / this is our life / this our stage / we got our own light dying to get out of us / we got gasoline running through our veins and we’re ready to burn from the inside out / and keep on burning and keep on burning and keep on burning / and dance along the fires of eternity / we don’t have to hold back who we really are / no matter how awkward or weird we may seem to be / there’s a beauty only found in those who find comfort in being strange / we don’t have to give in to normalcy / we don’t have to be complicit to the script of human cruelty / we don’t have to play soldiers in the war of wealth and greed / we don’t have to play the blind to the homeless and hungry / we don’t have to pretend to not hear the cry’s for help from those stricken with poverty / we don’t have to play the part of the enemies enemy / we can rewrite the script  /we can turn the world around and stand in solidarity and find our way to unity / we can stand center stage arm in arm and let no one move us / we can tear down the facade / and open up the cage our minds have been living in / and fly free and fly too high and kiss the sun as we burn hotter and brighter and not melt into nothingness / and nothing can bring us down when we make our hearts into something bigger than a fist / when we open it and let all this love spill out and let all this love come rushing back in / simply by just opening our hands and reaching out to one another / sister to sister to brother to brother to mother to father to daughter to son to friend / and to stranger / and write everyday with compassion and kindness and empathy / and throw away the old script of human misery / and all take a bow / after we have made our hearts into something bigger than a fist

remember the winter
you kissed my heart
and left your lips there
as if they had gotten stuck
to something cold

they stayed there through the spring
and we watched something warm bloom
something that felt like hope
and tasted like love
but we both knew it wasn't
we knew we were just easing the pain
of our existence  
offering soft comforts
between short pauses of misery

it was nice though
like a promise we meant to keep
like something sharp
dancing between our tongues
like a sweet truth hiding
somewhere in the soft middle
of the lie

maybe it could have been something
something more that is
something more than casual deceit
something more like warmth
and less like numb
maybe it could have been
as real as it felt
that is
if we had wanted to feel it

it wasn't bad though
not really
to remember what love could be
if we weren't always
getting our lips stuck
to something cold
if we weren't so attached
to the winters we keep
in every season of our hearts

There is something haunting
  in the leaves
in the colors of autumn
  and in the birth of spring
a ghost of longing
  floating in the warmth
    and comfort of a breeze

love felt but never spoken
  
how I trembled
  just to be near
   how I tremble
    now to remember
what might have been
  such a foolish dream
and the monster still sleeps
  
     still sleeps

      still dreams

We are allowing ourselves to be manipulated
by a false narrative of structured thought
that strips us of our natural intuition
to find joy and happiness
in the basic and simple things in life
We are born creative and loving and kind
and that is slowly stolen from us
as we are pushed through an educational system
that programs us into a belief system
of follow a path of repetition to find success in life
We are branded with an artificial
definition of intelligence
these are the important facts
and these are childish whims and hobbies
Do this and don’t do that....

work play
work work play
work work work play
work work work work work play
work work work work work work work work
work work work work work work hard enough
and maybe one day save enough money
and then you can afford a small vacation
and then back to work work work...

know the facts
past the test
find a job and repeat the same thing
over and over and over....
then some where along the line
find someone who is comfortable
with having the bare minimum
of what you are allowed
to believe we deserve
date
****
marry
buy a house
a car
reproduce
and push those offspring
through the same structure of repetition

When and where along the line
did we become so numb and negligent
to think that this is a life worth living for
worth fighting for
and at our very worst moments in history...
worth dying for?  
Nothing about this
is a natural way of living

We are prisoners to a vocabulary
of useless ideologies
that we have built around our own minds...

the caged bird sings
only because we allow it
to see enough of the blue sky
to dream of flight and freedom
and then while it sleeps
we secretly trim its wings
so it can never venture past
the bars of the only home
it has and will ever know...

and this is what we have given up
and continue to give up
our ability to dream
is our ability to do better
to be better
and yet we settle for a life of something less...

What if we are nothing more
than the delirium of a dream
some figment of undigested madness
in the bowels of a god
dying from starvation
in the belly of a worm
as it writhes from dehydration
baking helplessly in the sun

so dangerously close to oblivion
yet so obliviously unaware
sleeping through our lives
to avoid the pain of the disappointment
of not living out our dreams

and what if it is so easy
as opening our eyes
to see what it is
that we could be
if we dared ourselves
to step beyond our potential
and reach past
what we thought
was beyond our reach

What if?

What if we could become
something more beautiful than love

He woke before the sun crept through the drapes and the curtains and the moon were still light blue against the black sky and his bed and blankets were warm but below the surface temperature of his skin was a cold that held winter hostage in his bones and his eyes were open but his heart refused to budge beyond the bare minimum of beating to keep itself alive and he tried to move his legs but they were in favor of his hearts control and the hours passed and he found himself twisting and stumbling through the boredom of his hands and spent too much time being self indulgent in self gratification and the sun had been spilling across his bed and his sheets hours before he found himself in a brief moment of unsatisfying ecstasy that did little more than leave a small stain of self loathing on his skin and his sheets...

It was past noon by the time he found himself doing as little as possible while sitting on his living room couch eating his breakfast/lunch staring at the blank screen of his television he was too tired and too lazy to bother to turn on.   Trapped inside his fingers and his sketch pads and note pads where dreams and ideas of great ambition and the weekend was fading into another three days of regret, things he meant to work on, things he meant to research, people he meant to call and meet with, would be put off for another week or two or months or years or till death did him part from living.

He sat mostly motionless, stuck between napping and a desperate want to do something... anything... and one o’clock became three o’clock became thirty-eight minutes past four....

and eventually he cracked open his typewriter and his heart went quite long enough to hear its own beating and then it helped him move his fingers and let his mind wander and dream and tell stories of mice and gods and moons and loneliness...

and it wasn’t much, but for at least a few hours between now and his death he could feel his heart began to warm his bones and release the winter that had been held hostage within them... the day was not won or lost and there would be more days of struggle and more days of failure and occasional days of success of effort and that was his price of being, his payment for living through the bad to get a little good, change was not an easy battle when battling things unknown but he would try more and more and in the end did not hope to win but he did hope to live beyond just the motion of doing so, to live with the effort of purpose of doing something more than nothing at all

How am I suppose to read the warning signs
when I am emotionally illiterate
what I'm trying to say is
that I have never learned
how to deal well with heartache  

I know how it feels to have a weightless heart
when ever thing is measured by gold
my ribcage has a collection of nothing
but rusted pennies
sitting at the end of a bottomless dread

wishes that come true
sometimes have a way
of exploding like a dandelion

days of good intentions
can tumble unexpectedly
no matter how well
they are stacked together

the future is never certain
everything has an expiration date
wether it is printed in black ink
or a secret only the wind
and the leaves know  
it could be something as warm as death
or as cold as betrayal
or something far simpler
than we make it out to be

our own stupidity comes to mind
our careless behavior motivated by ego
and the ego does as much damage
when under inflated
as it does when it burst from its own pride

months and years of silence and solitude
has turned loneliness
into a comfortable home
a safe haven
free from the fear of things going wrong
a place I have no need to regret
the things never said
the people I never said those things to

and somewhere between memory and fantasy
things that once may have been
and things that never were
there is a strange place
that feels happy enough
what is love other than a feeling
a feeling of comfort
of warmth
of dreams
what makes it more or less real
if the heart is fooled
why not play the fool

something real imagined
imagining something real
if I whisper a name
I do not know in my sleep
or dream of kissing a name
I fear to speak
what would be the difference
when I wake in an empty bed
surround by the cool comfort of silence
if the feeling remains the same

maybe if I had read the warning sign
I would have known that
I don’t deal well with heartache

No more gracious way to live
Than dying for love with every breath
Inhale and exhale my life away
For no other reason
Than killing my heart
For this beautiful death
Given freely
To your oceans blue
Your songs of gold
Your smile painted
On the face of the sun
Lightning the way
Lighting the way
To my souls
Sweet suicide
Always yours
Always yours
In this final breath
This living
This dying
This loving
For loving you
Through this beautiful death

Are you a dream come true
Or a noose around my neck


Im going to go dancing with a revolver in my mouth and razors strapped to my wrists and if I'm lucky I won't be waking up in the morning

Why give us hearts to love with
  but not the wisdom to take care of them?

write me down in a tragedy
tie me up with metaphor
devour me with pleasures sin
****** me with lust
steal my last breath of love

would you be
the queen of muses
would I be
the fool of kings

what am I doing here
lost within the stars
I can only imagine
as your eyes

what secrets could I find
in the garden of your night
is there more than
forbidden fruit
hanging from the vines

would the sweetness
quench my thirst
or would I need more
and more
until I found
my tongue tied
my teeth rotted
my mouth dry
still hungering
still wanting
one more taste

what am I doing here
lost in a tragedy
tangled in metaphor
staggering between
pleasure and sin
murdered by lust
while stealing from love

Black waves full of death and decay
Wash over the last scraps
Of my withered heart
Still faintly beating
Still beliving
In the fairy tale
Before forevers end
Fingers scrapped clean of their skin
Scratching out words in blood
Bones exposed to the sand
Still writting of love
Still beliving
In the days
Before forevers end
Soul trapped to the rage of the wind
Hope being stripped from my ghost
Love longing to hear the thunder of bullets being hammered
Still fighting to breath
Still feeling
That the only fairy tale
Worth beliving
Is the one
Without forevers end

My monsters still sleeping
  of an angel he's  still dreaming
And I hope he never wakes
  and is witness to my mistake
How I never tried to hold your
  hand
How I never tried to tatse your lips
How I never tried to be bold  and
  tell you what secrets my heart
    did hide
I wish I could take my monsters
   place and live inside his dream
And have him take over mine and
  maybe then he could tell of all the
    things I had buried deep
And say the words I could never speak

She wore her lips in perfect shades
of red and sin
and stood there in dreams
of crushed black velvet and lust
and had him tied down
with soft silk pink ribbons of love and desire
and he his heart beat hard against his chest
and she slide her hand between his ribs
and plucked it out
and held it between their mouths
and asked in a hushed whisper
of words that hung
from the stars of a prayer

“What is this for...  
if not to dream...
if not to live...
if not to love?”

and she smiled wearily and weakly
and then placed his heart in his hand
and said to him

“see... it’s still warm...
still alive...
you are not dead....
not beyond hope...”

and with the sound of wind and wings
she was gone
and the soft velvet dream
faded to cold dark black
and he was alone
with his heart in his hand
still beating
still warm
and he put it in his mouth
and swallowed it
along with his pride and his shame
and closed his eyes
ready for the pain and the tears
that would be waiting for him
as death is inevitably in life
so is waking from dreams
and his time with dream
was now at an end

And when we kissed she stole everything that was good from me.  She stole it straight from my breath, straight from my blood, straight from my soul and I gave it up freely

If there is any gold in my words
It is only because I stole it from the mines of your heart
If there is any beauty to my thoughts
It is because they came from my dreams of your light
No more reason to live
When I've died here in this most beautiful death
My heart forever yours in this single moment of eternities breath
Inhaled
Exhaled
Infinity passed and frozen in place
Never more alive for the dying
Never more inspired from the loving
Never more anyones
Than I am yours

Stop the clock
Stop the noise
Stop the world
  from turning
Out another useless
  day
Stop the sands
Stop the sea
Stop the tides
  from claiming
Fate as its eternal
  toy
Stop the madness
Stop the ******
Stop the machine
  from grinding
Its outdated gears
  of war
Stop...
Now hug your
  children
Call your parents
Reach out to
  your friends
Life's a fight
Worth fighting
Even if we
Lose it
In the
End
...

How do we save a world that doesn't know it needs to be saved from itself or even worse just doesn't ******* care to be, a world full of people who are more comfortable with the idea of living with fear and hate in their hearts than the thought of looking at the world through kind and compassionate eyes, people clinging to old ideas passed down for generations and the latest religious fade and diluted dreams of national pride were no one is really purely this or that but all a bunch of mutts whose grandparents ****** on all the different continents but since their parents ****** under some specific flag they want to believe their better than some one else because their parents ****** under some other flag and it gets all jumbled up and none of it really matters because the only reason any of us are here was because we got lucky when we won that first race of our lives after shooting out of our dads **** into our moms ****** and that little miracle should be enough for us all to go around high giving each other our whole ******* lives even if it was just blind luck because lets face it we had no idea what was going on when that happened but somehow we lose sight of how strange and bewildering and beautiful the creation of each one of us was and how lucky we are to be here and between the then and the now we somehow let the precious gift of time go to waste on things that have little to do with what life should be and somehow as we have the opportunity to make the world a better place, a more peaceful place, we are doing the exact opposite, we have the chance to learn from one another and about each other on a higher and easier scale than ever before but instead of communicating with thoughts and ideas and dreams we let fear drive us forward and we continue to spread hate with lies and bullets and bombs and wars and there isn't any need for any of it but we stay complicit and turn the other way and we avert our eyes from the homeless and the hungry and the abused and the abandoned and we make ourselves feel less guilty by blaming the victim without bothering to hear their story because if we stopped to listen and stopped to look and see who they really are we might realize that they are more similar than different and that their lives matter as much as our own and we are all just a bad throw of the dice from life taking a turn for the worst and we forget that nothing in life is guaranteed, not its length, not its quality, not the good vs the bad, none of it, but we walk around as if death is on our side and we have all the time in the world and the world is crumbling before our eyes and we are at a war with stupidity and somehow we are ******* losing and all you need to do is look at the big orange baboon "running" America and the horrific people he's surround himself with and the hateful **** being spewed out of the mouths of some of his supporters... its nothing short of heartbreaking, I mean really ******* heartbreaking, from the tiki-torch carrying polo shirt khaki pant wearing white supremacist, who are easy to joke about but non the less dangerous, to the random people yelling at anyone who just happens to look foreign in a public parking lot, not knowing that their parents ****** under the same flag and in fact they have ever right to be here but you know why know the facts when its easier to hate and its all just too much to believe but here we are moving backwards instead of forward and I sure as hell don't know how to save a world that doesn't know it needs to be saved or doesn't want to be saved but for what it's worth I'm not going anywhere and I'm here for you or anyone else who needs to be seen or heard or loved because the ship might be going down but we were all born swimmers or we wouldn't be here in the first place so lets swim and remember how strange and bewildering and beautiful it is to be here and make the most of what little time we have left because a day or a year or decades will all pass in the blink of an eye and if we can't put out the fires let the ****** world burn and dance in the glow of the flames

Strange dreamers
Mad lovers
Crossing oceans
Stealing stars
Drinking moonlight
Killing suns
Making night
Forever ours
Silent screaming
Painful dreaming
Aching feeling
Too far
Too deep
Two hearts
Beat...
Beat..
Beating
Bleeding
Needing
Strange love
Mad dreams
Too much
Not enough
The never
Ever
Never
Is forever
Ever
Never
Mad love
Dreaming
Dreaming
Strange love

Women of strange passion
Wearing suicide for fashion
Braclet of scars adorning wrist
Poison flowing where blood should dance
Womb full of pills devoid of life
Nothing stirring in soulless eyes
In silent stares I hear them cry
Why does love so often die
While wearing fashions of suicide

Strangers
We're all strangers
No matter how long
We know each other
Love each other
Wether its days or weeks or years
Of loving and fighting and *******
Spending our days of cold silence
And warm whispers together
Lonely nights in the same bed
And desperate longing when apart
Where just strangers
All of us
Married for years
Or stumbling through that first night
Of awkward first kisses and trembling hands
Strangers pretending to know more
And love more than we truthfully know how
Moaning names through the night and grumbling the daylight away
Just for that dreadful moment of false peace and happiness

None of us knowing anymore about anyone else than we know about ourselves
And we know nothing of ourselves
Faking the word
Pretending to feel

Unless you get lucky... not many do.  But theres a few rare gems out there that know  
The mad, the lunatics, those who refused the pill and choose the sickness
Those that would rather live ten million life times of anguish and torment just so they could feel one perfect moment of pure beauty and truth
Those seeking out the strange ones amongst the strangers
Those who do not pretend but know the how and dance with the why and its madness
Those that write their names across the clouds of heaven in stars blood
Those who kiss the angels and dance with demons
Those that have found each other life after life
Those who have swam through black holes
And walked on the surface of the sun just for that one moment to be together
That moment of beautiful  painful truth of love shared
Tangling body and heart and soul
Where they both become the singular heart beat of love resonating throughout the universe.  A sound that makes even the horizon of eternity shudder with pleasure.
I only knew strangers most of my life
A few strange ones here and there
And we had our moments
Of beauty and truth
But never a strange one like this
No nothing like this
In this one
I found that one perfect moment
That once in a lifetime love
And falling
And have fallen
To this mad mad love
For her
It is the honey gods are made of

Where does the time go
as we sit and slowly fade
from who we were
and turn away
from who we could have been
as we become nothing
of good use
to any notion
of something of goodwill

we weather the weather
by standing still
as the earth moves beneath our feet
and only dare to dream
in penny wishes
while sleeping in the waters
that drown us as we lay still

time is neither here or there
not past
not future
barely present
an illusion of eternity
a trick of light and shadow
a thief of life
a lie of death
nothing is gone
and nothing lasts forever

who am I missing
where have I been

tell me
was our love real
or was our first kiss
no more or less than our last
nothing but a dream
a fevered moment of eternity
an illusion born
from a broken hearts loneliness

I can feel the dusk of autumn
in the creaking of my bones
I have been lucky in this life
both good and bad

I have walked through days of pasture greens
I have sank in storms of dark and grey
I have felt heaven living in my heart
I have become both the void and the despair

I have been alone with nothing
but the night sky above my head  
and the cool earth beneath my feet
and never felt lonely

I have felt loneliness in it’s cruelest hour
while lost in the chatter of a crowded room
full of empty eyes
hovering above mouths
full of meaningless talk

and time slips by unnoticed
as we fade away
from who we were
becoming strangers
to our own shadows
and we turn away
from who we could have been

Such a beautiful mind
Such a delicate heart
Such a burning soul
What else could I do but fall
What else could I do but dream
Where else could I be than love
Such lovely eyes
Such fragile lips
Such a heavy soul
What else could I do but wish
What else could I do but want
Where else could I be than love
Such heavenly pictures
Such woeful verse
Such mad mad soul
What else could I do but long
What else could I do but cry
Where else could I be than love

one of these days before
there is no light left in my eyes
no movement in my chest
no air to exit my lungs
I will tell you how I fell  

maybe you already known

I will tell you how you made
my heart a happy place
with the time we spent
in the same rooms

how you turned earthly moments
into heavenly breaths
by showing me your heart
made out of sunshine

and how brightly and beautifully
your heart inspired my own
to know and feel love
beyond any I would have
dared hoped for
dreamt of
or possible imagined

how every moment with you
was a gift I could never
be grateful enough for
a debt beyond any
I could repay in this life

and that when
there is no light left in my eyes
no movement in my chest
no air to exit my lungs

that my heart will remember...

it will remember the light and beauty
of your sunshine heart
and all the love you inspired it
to know and feel

Sweet love won't you stay with me
Stay here in my bed where I'm lost dreaming
Stay here under my sheets where my body aches with longing
Stay here by my lips whispering your name into my pillow
Sweet love won't you stay with me
Stay in this day where I fall into you a little deeper
Stay as the stars come out and hear them sing in envy of your beauty
Stay under this moon with me and watch the sun go down as my admiration grows ever brighter
Sweet love won't you stay with me
Stay here in my heart that beats quicker for your name
Stay here by my side and in my arms full of desire
Stay here where my soul is yours consumed by your fires
Sweet, sweet love won't you stay

She taught the sun how to rise
how to warm the day
how to fill the day with light

she taught the birds how to fly
how to turn the breeze
into a song
how to spread joy through the world

she taught the moon how to smile
through the darkness
how to sing sweet soft lullabies
how to comfort our dreams

and she taught our hearts
how to beat
how to dance
how to live
and most importantly
how to love

Sometimes you just have to put your tears on the page
And let your love
Rage rage
Rage
True love has got to have that hurt
Just ask the universe
Why do you think
The moon is always
Cry cry
Crying
I never meant to fall
You never tried to steal
My heart
I fell though
Like sudden death
To madness
Loves sweet misery
Came and took
Me away
Above the clouds
Happy as a loon
Watching eternities sunrise
In those endless ocean eyes
My heart in your hands
To break
It happens
No blame
You never tried to steal it
It leapt into your hands
First chance it had
I don't blame it
I didn't trip over this edge
I jumped
I had too
Too beautiful and perfect
To let this chance pass
And I fell
Into this mad mad love
You can break it
I'll still be here
Heart or no heart
Madly in love
I won't leave you alone
I'll always be here
With you
Whenever you need me
I'll be at the end of the sea
Watching that eternal sunrise
In those endless ocean eyes

Tell me something worth knowing
tell me what does
your heart beat for
tell me stories of butterfly kisses
carrying love to the dark side
of the moon
tell me of oceans
that have no graveyards
of sunken ships or broken hearts
tell me of lips
that have spoken no lies
and kissed no truth
that tasted of poison
tell me the secrets hidden
in your blood and your bones
tell me how to find the road
that leads to the forever
my heart can call home

Tell me your secrets and I'll hold your hand
  and never let go
Tell me your fears and I will slay every demon
  until you're no longer afraid
Tell me your vices and I will indulge your every
  pleasure and sin
Tell me what to say next
Tell me if I should beg
Tell me if I should sing
Tell me if I should cry
Tell me is it time to let this dreaming
  die
But that is something I couldn't do
If you so command it
I would return with a false heart in my hand
And send this dream off to hide
And blossom and bloom
In a field of your flowers
In never never land

Tell me what does your heart see
when you say love
what do your dreams make
of this thing we call life
where are we going
where have we been
it’s not a matter of how long
but how well we have lived
what good is tomorrow
without doing something today
but an endless repetitive
reproduction of doing nothing
again and again
and time wasted is wasted
unless it is wasted wisely
with laughter and heartache
and whiskey and tears
and the kindness of strangers
tell me what does your heart say
lets build a better tomorrow
by starting something today

Tell me a story, you don't have to teach
  me how to fly
Just give me a reason  to why where
  all alive
I've looked through our history
  and I can't understand
All the suicides of such beautiful minds
What did they see or what did they know
To choose a bullet, a pill, or a rope
Instead of life, love and hope
So tell me a story...

Tell me Maya Lou
  How to be brave like you
Tell me Maya Lou
  Have you seen the news
Because I tell you Maya Lou
   It frightens me, this word
                                  this life
That shadow on the wall
  Just shot a man in the back
With hands up down the hall
It frightens me, the noise the hanmer made
  the life the bullet took away
The big man barks and bares his bullet
  teeth
The man laying on the ground
Watching his skin turn red
  Now a ghost on a big cloud
It frightens me, to see a life slip away
  without warrant or reason
Nothing has changed for Mother Goose
Throw another noose around the lions
  driving cars
     It looks too new
       It must not belong to you
It frightens me, wasn't he suppose to
   protect what he just destroyed
     turning a home into a house
       of joyless stone and wood
What magic or what charm
  can keep their lives safe
   from harm
There's a broken heart
   on my sleeve
For every life lost
For every tear shed
It's an ocean of grief
   and I can no longer
                            breath
Tell me Maya Lou
    I can hear you crying
                                   too
Tell me Maya Lou
   What would you say
      What would King dream
To keep the peace
  To calm the storm
To stop the bullets flying
  back and forth
   forth and back
Tell me Maya Lou
  where did we go wrong
    why is the world tearing
       itself open at the seams
It frightens me, the growing
  flames of hate burning both
    life and love
Tell me Maya Lou
  How to be brave like you
I tell you Maya Lou
Life frightens me...
  to tears
   to tears
Life frightens me...
     to tears