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 Oct 2014 -a
MalaiDaisies
I don't remember the exact moment when the lines between friendship and love became blurred, when I started losing myself inside these lines.
All I know is that you are all I can think about, day and night. I breathe you, I taste nothing but you, I want you.
But I need you more than that.
It's this incessant need, the way the moon needs the sun, fire water, salvation destruction. And this need scares me. As I am a bird of flight, never to be tied down by any one rock.
But now I want to be held by you. I dream of being in your arms, lost in your smile. You have changed me, love.
That's why I need to forget you, to dispel you from my system, shatter your image in my head, so that you no longer are my inner song but another broken lyric.
I'm saving myself.
Building these walls again.
Running away.
Because I can't wait for you anymore, Shane.
I'm sorry.
 Oct 2014 -a
nova hunt
you're like a drug
and i can't seem to get a fix.

you keep talking
but all i do is stare.

stare and think about everything;
why don't you love me?

i see that patch of skin
below your ear and on your neck
and it takes everything in me
not to kiss you.

your hands,
they aren't soft
but it's like they're made for me.

you're like a drug
and i can't seem to get a fix.
it's late at night okay don't judge me
 Oct 2014 -a
A
Boulders and balloons
 Oct 2014 -a
A
Depression is like having a boulder tied to your ankle
and jumping in an ocean,
Slowly sinking to the bottom until you finally
Decide to give up and let yourself drown.

Anti depressants are like three helium balloons
tied to my wrist,
expected to stop me from being consumed
By the raging water in the sea.
 Oct 2014 -a
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have yet to find the exact
size, length, width, weight, height,
of my rusted trusty nail, which I lost.
Painted golden brown
and rough on the edges,
that old man pinned my door to the wall.
Now it's left hanging in the open
dangling in the wind
swaying with the broken rain,
my home
vulnerable,
a feasty treat,
like the first time Hansel and Gretel saw the witch's house.

I'm not afraid of the
teeth baring wolves
bloodcurdling hounds with red eyes
massive 10 foot hungry bears
that tower over you with outstretched paws
holding a steak knife and fork
its brown fur a bib.
No

I'm afraid of my house
zipping up its backpack
filled with all the canned goods
fresh water canteens from the well
and all the matches and firewood in the cellar
taking off during the night
when the moon is at its darkest,
leaving I,
to do the only thing left:
To pay the bright orange flames
to entertain me as
my wads of money lit up the
darkest night of the century
all because I couldn't replace my

*most dear, loved, precious
nail.
 Oct 2014 -a
Hank Van Well Jr
If I had one last breath to breathe
I'd use it to say I love you
If I had one last sight to see
I'd make sure it was your smile
If I had one last sound to hear
I'd want it to be you telling me you love me
If I had one thing left on earth to taste
I'd want it to be your lips
If I had one thing left in the world to touch....
I'd want to die in your arms...
 Oct 2014 -a
Kenshō
Heavy
 Oct 2014 -a
Kenshō
They dart with illusioned purpose,
I alone, am distant and far.

They speak on trivial affairs,
I alone, speak not of the obvious.

They delude intelligence,
I alone, can say no more.

What it is I feel,
Never could be construed.

I can offer no consolation
for those tied and unwilling.

This blind expansion of
unnamable multiverse
weighs heavy, might I say.
.
 Oct 2014 -a
SMN
Fake smiles
 Oct 2014 -a
SMN
I’m tired of faking smiles
even more tired of you believing them
believing they are true
how can you not see underneath
you were taught to see it
and still you can’t
I’m disappointed
I need you to see me
to see and help me
please
open your eyes
look into mine
look beneath
beneath my fake glimpse
I’m not smiling anymore
Am I?

*(s.m)
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