Today I remembered the weekend we made cupcakes. Batter dotted our skin, and we kissed it off each others faces.

I remember falling asleep on your basement couch, curled against your beating chest. We watched movies the way a nicotine addict smoked cigarettes. Our relationship a reflection of blue-light on our faces.

I wish we'd been as innocent as the cartoons we watched in my bedroom. Instead we crumbled like corporations in Fight Club. The irony is a bitter taste in the back of my throat.

All for nothing I fell asleep in my hospital bed. Clinging to thoughts of you to send me to dreamland, until the day I found, that I'm much more prone to nightmares.

It was then I realized our love story was a tragedy. That maybe all love stories were.

I hear your voice pound through my head
Even though you're barely dead
Here and gone like summer heat
Your voice still rocks me fast asleep
Take my dreams to a safer place
Where I can touch your lovely face
Where I can embrace you one moment more
I still remember when you walked out the door
If I'd had known that was the last
I would have never let you pass
But now you're gone and I'm alone
Still waiting for you call,
My eyes haven't left the phone

A chronic sickness,
So sick in the head.
Lost in my hate,
Getting pleasure from dread.
What you have done to me, 
I am so grateful.
Made me cold, disconnected, 
This feeling, so sweet.
Before I was weak, in every eye and heart.
With just a few words I was torn apart.
With what you've done I'm not right in the head,
My feelings are pushed into something else, 
Lust, anger, and numbness instead.
Thank you for making me mad.
So completely insane.
Life seems so much better, 
Without a functioning brain...

I'd love to love you
and hold
your hand.
We could
pick sunflowers and
I'd put them
in your hair
while you made faces
at the sun.
We'd crunch
through orange leaves
and rub red
noses together
to keep
warm.
I'd make you
hot chocolate
and wrap you up
in my heaviest
quilt under the stars,
and in the
morning
we'd find ourselves
wound up
tightly
and so very content.
But only if you'd
let me love you.