In the broken kitchen chair he sits
Weeping the tears of a killer
Face buried into the palms of his grisly hands
He sobs uncontrollably for he knows what these hands have done
He cries as a child might having seen his parents murdered
Gasping and struggling to draw in a full breath
Snot running from his nose, curling over the stubble of his upper lip
With a clenched fist he wipes this away
Rage building in his veins, hatred, and remorse
His face grows red as he shakes uncontrollably with anger
Unsure of what to do with himself he rises quickly to his feet
His chair crashing back to the floor behind him
He paces the kitchen back and forth
Feet padding monotonously over checkered linoleum
Suddenly, abruptly, he stops, his gaze drifting to the counter top
As he catches sight of the skinless corpse he screams
A blood curdling scream that chills to the bone
Unable to bare the sight of his disembodied victim any longer
He barrels out of the kitchen
Crashing through doors, splinters of wood marking his trail
In the bathroom he now stands
Sulking in shame before a ***** mirror, staring down at his bare feet
Slowly, he raises his head, eyes squeezed shut
Fearing to find what he might see when he opens them
He pauses here for several moments, collecting his thoughts
Breathing deeply, hoarsely, sporadically huffing
Mustering all of his courage, he makes this final leap, opening his eyes
In the mirror before him he sees all too clearly himself
Wearing a skin that is not his own
Face, hands, feet, all that are exposed
His own pale skin standing out in bold contradiction
To the beautifully bronzed hollow man that he wears
His pale and bony knuckles crash repeatedly into the face of the mirror
Over and over again the thud and the crunch
Broken skin and shattered glass
Blood now smeared across what little reflective surface remains
At last he can see himself no more
Slumping down into a ball on the floor
He sits alone and rocks
The mere shell of a man remains
With dripping hands he tears away a patch of flesh from his thigh
Groping the floor blindly his hand closes over a shard of glass
He is now far too numb to feel pain, dead inside
Gripping tightly to the broken glass this broken man begins to write
Carving his apology into his thigh

In the broken kitchen chair he sits
Running his filet knife across the grindstone
The blade mustn't be dull for what he’s about to do
Across the kitchen hangs his days catch
Dangling from one large meat hook
Dripping, warm, fresh, and glassy eyed
Running the blade across his thumb
A future scar in his one of a kind prints
With bulging biceps his prey is lifted from its loft
Tossed carelessly onto the granite counter top
A dangling arm falls into the kitchen sink
The subtle sound of a ring is heard
As it hits the stainless steel basin
This jewelry is soon removed and set aside
With a felt tipped pen he outlines his procedure
Like a world class surgeon preparing to operate
He makes each incision with great care
A soft touch and a steady hand
Experience shows this isn't his first rodeo
Every cut running long and shallow
He grins like a child as warm blood flows over his digits
Setting down the tools of his trade
He takes a moment to admire his handiwork
The body before him lies ravaged
Professionally massacred, filleted is his trophy ****
Having fully enjoyed this beautiful sight
He reaches down gripping tightly onto two ***** of skin
By either side of the shoulders his fingers burrow under flesh
He begins to peel away
Within minutes the body is bare
On the counter lies nothing but muscle and bones
Tendons, sinew, organs that will never again function
Like a cadaver to be donated for medical research
He holds the hollow man up to the light for a better look
A perfect skin suit, warm, tanned, tinged in red
Cuddling it as a toddler might carry his blankey for comfort
He walks to the room adjacent the kitchen
At the tug of a blood soaked hand
The washing machines door swings open
Gingerly he sets the skin inside
Adding just a dash of fabric softener for good measure
He shuts the door and starts the cycle
Back to the kitchen he drudges
Washing the blood from his hands, his arms
Cleaning his knife, polishing the blade until it gleams in the light
Leaving the corpse where it lies he sits patiently and waits
As the wash is finished he removes the suit from the machine
Now clean, dripping, wet, marker gone
He places it in the dryer
Turning the **** to low heat, careful not to shrink his new outfit
He sets the dial to permanent press and pushes start

When did skinny become synonymous with happy?
I wish I could tell that girl that being 120 pounds
Won't make her any happier than she was at 140 pounds
And she'll still feel fat and ugly at 90
And nothing will ever change
I wish I could tell her that she is more
Than the number on the scale
But I know she wouldn't believe me
She's been raised to hate her body
Obsessed with protruding bones
That look like they're about the break through the flesh
Her vision blurs the image in the toilet bowl
She flushed down her salad and her dreams
Cause beauty tastes like ***** to her
She has the bullets in the gun
But she won't deliver the fatal blow
Just etches more tally marks in her skin
Because she wants to be perfect at the morgue
I can't think of a more slow and strategic suicide
I wonder
When did unhealthy mean beauty,
Our bodies become war zones,
When did skinny become synonymous with happy?
And most of all,
When did that girl become me?

There's a part of me
With fantasies of who I want to be
A part that wants to live my life,
Take risks,
Go anywhere, everywhere
Just to get away from here
Let go of my past
And my scars,
Start anew,
Learn new things and find what's true
Eat when I'm hungry
Then stop when I'm satisfied
Start a conversation with strangers,
Be a leader instead of a passenger
This is who I would love to be

But then there is who I really am
The part of me who's always ******
The girl who can't stop dwelling on the past
And is scared of the future
And she's not to fond of the present either
Always expecting another disaster
Who stays in bed all day
Only getting up to binge and purge
Who can't even do simple things without having an anxiety attack
Can't even use a phone, how ****** up is that?
Who'll never go anywhere
Because she can't escape the thoughts she has
She'll always be a follower
Forever a **** pushover
She looks in the mirror and hates herself
And that girl will always be me

fireflies
moonlit skies
starry eyes
empty canvas
drowsy nights staying up too late
movie marathons
the temptation of closed gates
homemade cookies
faraway lands
questioning authority
taking a stand
building sandcastles
finding your home
giving up something
you never owned