How do you find yourself subjected for loving someone whose mind is so young and out of your reach?
That is what I tell myself every time I think of you.
This falling happened over a year ago.
I'm just now gotten the courage to step out of it.
Attraction
When I heard the song on the radio, a bug ran though me.
"What is this...feeling?" I thought.
It couldn't have been anything else.
I told myself I was way too deep into my own world and needed rest.
But I figured,
What if I do have feelings?
I wondered.
As the days grew by, it grew stronger.
I was weak,
But not anymore.

She is.
What can we say about her?
Well,
She's well mannered and has the brain of an average teen, slightly forgetful.
Help me out people.
What is she?
She's a female,
A female who keeps her thoughts closed, yet open minded.
Belly isn't right and no face of a model.
She is the intellectual.
She's the reason why.
English skills above all, yet falls at social ability.
Why so many take advantage of the one we call she.
She is the cracked heart who still stands on healthy legs and is grateful for the life she lives.
People walk out on the precious.
Why?
Is it because she's not the normal?
She's not the top of the high standards?
What is it, guys?
We need to stop asking and start understanding the brown haired.
Eighth grade is when everyone stop seeing her bones.
Just to point that out.
She had friends,
Well,
They're gone now.
Don't get me wrong,
This artistic figure has grown to the crowd who disowned her long ago.
Her brain tells her to grow depressed,
But that doesn't stop she.
She is the Libra.
She can bring a crowd to the dinner table with hot bread and keep a settle conversation.
Shy. Wise. Lost. Glee. Wounded.
All signs of a growing she.
Let's not point out the acne scars or chubbed face.
She is she.
She wasn't placed on the earth for entertainment.
No monkey on tricycle.
So please don't ask.
She's growing friends as she grows herself.
Finds herself.
Affectionate,
Inflexible,
Apathetic.
That is she.
She will become something in the future the people awe.
She.

He's so dumb.
Yea I made mistake but he just lost a good *** friend.
What friend doesn't make mistakes?
He's made hella mistakes, but you don't see me flipping out and saying things I would never say to a person.
But it's okay.
He's confessed everything.
Everything he's done or said was a whole lie.
Which is okay.
Just shows me that I believed and gave my trust to the wrong person.
I have a big heart and I do the dumbest things sometimes.
I'm okay.
If he apologizes, which he won't, but if he does I swear to you I'm not letting him in this easy.
Or won't even let him in period.
He's done too much to get in easy.
I've taken too many apologies sir.
I've build a barrier around me and promised myself I won't be weak over this.
Up out my face please.
Irrelevant.
He can get up and leave.
I just hope he knows if he ever dares to come back, things will be extremely different.
Now, we might not ever talk again, which is okay.
He was scandalous, couldn't handle it.
Keep the headaches.
I'm moving on COMPLETELY.
He made things very awkward now.
This whole time I broke my back for him, be gone with all that.
I cried and begged.
We needed to be done.
We weren't seeing eye to eye,
But I tried my hardest to.
I'm changing my life because who can live like this?
Hope he lives a good life.
He said he broke backs for me, but who told him to do that?
He messed up long ago.
Wasted my time with these games.
I'm not dealing with this little boy anymore.
I'm shaking it off.
And it feels really good.
He thinks I'm going to stay around.
Needs someone who's gonna appreciate the things I do.
The love I give.
Don't need someone who's willing to be nice to me just for my sake.
Go somewhere.
Wasn't worth my time,
Gotta get this off my mind.
I'm doing this for the best of me and if it means tarnishing the past and memories,
Then so be it.
Every harsh word he's told me, it's being checked in my book of thoughts.
He put me out of my place and that wasn't cool.
He threw me in the spotlight and accused me of so many things that never came out of my mouth.
Did I ever do the same? No.
When you're mad and you say things, you must be careful what comes out the box because one day those words can push a person out and you'll never see them ever again.
Doors closed.
A little birdie once told me that you don't have a lot of people to talk to, so losing me was a mistake.

Piano playing in the background.
The same earing tune.
It's gray.
Too gray.
Might rain.
Stomach starts to grumble. I don't know why.
I'm thinking about us on that bed.
Just sitting.
I kiss your cheek.
My pants are so loose.
They have rips on them.
On purpose.
My shirt is so tight, I like it.
TEST TAKER!
They scream.
My basketball sits out on the front porch.
Wet.
Dewy in the grass
I feel you watching me sometimes,
I wonder if you think of me.

As a sit in blankness, I forget who I am and what I do.
It's because of you.
You do this to me.
In a good way?
I don't know.
I feel good, at the moment.
But overall, I just want a warm hug.
I just want a kiss on the cheek.
I just want attention like the people give the sun.
You can't direct orders if I'm not on your team.
You can't control me, until you say you love me and want me as your own.
Brain is about to exlpode.
I love you too much.
Haven't been myself since puberty kicked in.
Odd.
I don't know where I am or if I'll ever find myself.

I...
I don’t know you.
I knew you, my knives knew you better.
You like this aciculate butcher placed slanted upon your cheek?
I do.
I can whisper a thousand words in your ear.
Flushed and corrupt.    
But I can never do such thing.
I could sit and watch you hold your neck in fear as your hands paint me a picture.
I smoke a cigarette between my plump lips.
I sit there.
I look good in all livid black.
Sometimes, I think about what my knives can really do to you.
With my broad raccoon eyes, I look down at you in disgust.
I pull the bed sheets to reveal what could be your body agonizingly arranged.
Below zero.
Why waste my makeup on someone who has no heart to give.
My red lipstick will never smudge.
Don’t I look dainty sitting in nothing but in my bra? Watching you suffer.
Branch my heel in your throat.
Bend and curve, I hear your bones fracture as I jab deeper.
I like the smell of fear.
I don’t have friends, they disappoint me.
Claws are the new nails,
And I **** you up.
I got a pocket knife.
I like to chuck it out once in a while when thinking of you.
Hushes my nerves.
That black cat you saw in the alley last night,
That was me.
How about we ****** you and harvest your organs for beer money.
I like that.
You remind me of my favorite serial killer.
I have favorites.
I invoke thee.
Someday you will ache like I ache.
I have happy dust to make that happen.
My ****** up boots against your blasted head looks appealing to me.
I just look illegal, don’t I?
I need coffee and a donut for this.
Laughing hysterically while you spin full speed in agony on my marry-go-round.
I make violence look good.
I wonder who’s more evil.
Me.
Shall I say I’m the queen of death?
My heart has barbed wire around it. Protection is the key.
Your life was just a blank canvas until I made art out of it.
Don’t play with my fire,
It’ll burn you alive, baby.

I'm such a freak in the head.

Telling me I'm crazy doesn't make you sane.

So shut up.

I'm hurt.

But reality, you're in most pain.

Bad blood.

I am death, personified.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Do you think I'm sadistic now?
I invoke thee...

I hope.

I make violence look good.
I wonder who's more evil.
Shall I say I'm the queen of death?
My heart has barb wire around it.
Your life was just a blank canvas until I made art out of it.