What you deserve,
and what is received.
Two totally different ideas,
sometimes end up getting mixed up.
You deserve more than the hurt,
more than the pain.
You deserve joy.
You deserve freedom.
Let it be known,
Show what you need,
and you will get what is deserved.
Don't let people hurt you,
It will only get worse.
End it now,
You will receive joy, in the end.

Ahh for the cycles continue,
forever waiting for the end.
You never know whats really in you,
because you can no longer comprehend.

As you spin, the dizziness sets in.
You can no longer choose from right and wrong.
You force out a fake little grin,
to show everyone you are okay.

When in reality,
everything is spinning all around you,
and the only way to stop it,
is to jump off the wagon, and follow through.

You don't hide as good as you think you do*
Ha. Good one.

Everything she tells me is true.
I seek to impress,
I seek to understand.

I don't choose what my happiness is,
What I believe in,
What I laugh at.

They choose it for me.

I don't know how to disconnect.
I don't know how to stop,
because it's what I've taught myself.

She says I was most myself,
when I was away.
How can I bring myself to that standard?

They've taken that privilege away

I want to go back.
Back to that weekend.
So I know what it's like to be free.

Honestly I don't know myself anymore,
because everything I have done,
everything I ever though I believed...

*They'd chosen it for me

Something that goes through your mind constantly.

Someone who always sneaks up into your thoughts.

A feeling so strong, so powerful.

Something that will never be forgotten.

The feeling felt towards someone else,
Is the feeling I have for you.
Where does the cycle end?

I have friends who love me,
A family who cares for me,
even a dog who greets me at the door.
Why do I feel as if nobody is there?
Why do I feel enclosed in a box?
Why can't I ever break free?
I am not alone, I am never alone.
Then why do I always feel it?

Treasure the friendships you have,
know how precious they may be.
Prize possessions may not last forever,
if they are treated like costume jewelry.

Impossible to find.
Something so simple,
so close.
Most people have it,
they are the lucky ones.
Effortlessly Easy,
Forever holding in their grasp,
what people are searching for to the ends of the earth,
but is impossible for them to find.

I'm just sitting here,
feeling the pain.
Nothing will ever be the same.

I don't know how,
to keep going strong,
when it will haunt me lifelong.

It's not my fault,
at least so they say,
but I'm still and never will be okay.

What's going on?
Where everything should be?
Where everything actually is?
What should I be thinking?
How should I be acting?
Is anyone listening?
Does anyone actually know what is going on?
Please.
Inform me if you find out,
because I have no ******* clue.

I got the sign,
I understand now.
Another puzzle piece was placed on the table,
Though a piece was ripped out of my heart.
You don't know,
You will never know,
But I do.

One so familiar to me.

I've seen so many times before,
but it's different this moment.

I'm scared for different reasons,
never having these before.

I am fearless, yet I am scared.
I am the name on the screen.

A sense of peace,
is nice in times like this.

Clarity will not be reached for awhile,
but the little things are always there for support.

Taking my time,
My dignity gone.
I hate that I do this,
resort back to normal.

When can I go back to being different?
Will I ever be allowed?

I push myself to the different,
and feel free and joyful.
I turn to look at my past,
I see the happiness I had before,
and I run back to being normal.

I want to.

I need to?

I shouldn't.

I should.

No.

I can't.

Those words I will hear, forever more.
Each time I will melt away.
Either good or bad, It doesn't matter,
Just the presentation gives it to the entirety.
Listening makes me go insane,
I fall a little harder every time.
I shouldn't, but I do.
It all started long, long ago.
My eyes were widened to this new tone.
As I sat there, hearing the words,
I fell into a dream.
A dream that I wish was reality,
But I know will never come true.

Roses are red,
Orchids are violet.
Alone they grow,
through the weeds in the islet.

The little things open my eyes to reality.
The things I do,
The things others do.
Oh I finally see it alright,
First hand indeed.
I'm glad the truth is revealed.
If the situation were reversed,
I would've done things differently.
Just know
help is wanted,
help is given,
*help is taken away.

I wish there was a way...
I wish I could...
I wish...
I can wish all I want,
They won't come true.
Because my first wish,
still has yet to be delivered.

Tears fill my eyes as I read over the words again,
I don't know what to do now.

It has happened, I hurt all over.
I don't know what to think.

I never thought I'd see that word again,
I guess I was wrong.

I distract,
I move,
I find,
I come back.
I get pulled,
I get drawn.
Why?
Why can't I just stop?
I can't.
I'm afraid to...

The wells have dried up,
There is no water left to spill.
They said this might happen,
if the well was used too much.

There is nothing left to do,
but to stare into the emptiness.
Letting voices echo, and music flow,
as the town fades into darkness.

Can't y'all just shut up?
I turn up my music to ignore you,
you get louder.
I ******* hate this,
I always have.
Ever since I opened my eyes to reality.
I try to give signs, give signals,
that it bothers me oh so much.
Nobody picks them up, ever.
I lock myself away,
so nobody can get to me.
But sound still travels.
I hear everything.
Everyday it's something,
Whatever it may be, doesn't matter.
So thanks for sticking together,
even though I know you'd rather be apart.

Messages flow,
back and forth.

Only believe the truth,
what I said,
what comes out of my mouth.

If you believe others,
confusion sets in,
and more hurt is pushed around.

The light from the full moon,
that keeps me alive in the **darkness

I say I do,
But I never actually.
I say I'm through,
But am I really?

The thought puzzles me.
At first I thought it would be.
but because of the circumstances,
Would it actually?

It makes me sick to hear,
I hate that tone.
I don't like it.

It hasn't bothered me before,
but all of a sudden, I can't stand.
Why?

I may never find truth,
but I do know one thing,
I am going to stop listening.

I will ignore,
because I am not that person.
Never was, never want to be.

I was entanged in the game of love,
the games played in friendship.
I thought I finished the game,
but I've just started a new one.
the waiting game
When does it end?

Papers all around me,
A dog sprawled across them.
I have a computer on my lap,
A phone by my side.
I can contact people in a heart beat,
And could even hear their voice.
I have a closet full of clothes,
and a beautiful home full of furniture.
I have a fridge downstairs, with food galore,
And water that is nice and pure.
I have my friends, I have my family,
I have such wonderful opportunities that other people don't have.
I should feel lucky,
I should feel blessed,
Instead I feel alone, I feel helpless,
because I can't preform simple tasks,
and I can't help but feel
empty.