let me pick your brain
show me your grey
maybe then i’ll do the same

****** me with the gin
you hide behind your grin
maybe then you’ll have me

overwhelmed
by the beauty in your ugly
oh, i thirst for a taste of truth
lies burden your chest, whet
my flesh, maim my chained head

see your reflection?
how your ugly makes you lovely

pound me down on my knees
beat me, ravage me, unleash
the savage you’d meeked

loosen me, wear me thin
widen my heartless mind
strong-arming might make me feel

make me your canvas
paint me with blood-red,
master

me,
shatter my heart to pieces
it makes masterpieces better, i’m

overwhelmed
by the beauty in your ugly
oh, i thirst for a taste of you
why burden your chest when
i beg, thrive on unrest

see your reflection?
how i’m what makes you lovely

confined by the nighttime
its darkness sets me free

- end

it's nothing you haven't seen before.

what you love, I hate and
what you hate, I adore

tell me that you'll never
come knocking at my door

but if you do, tell me before
so we can do it all once more

i'd like to look pretty for you
but i'd love you even more

had you known
I am a woman

who sometimes
you'd deplore

May He forgive me for my role.
and my silence when you cried out for help
from me.

but hindsight
lagged behind
by a year
and that’s why
we’re here
where
20/20
is merely a year

i’m sorry i failed to see
what was right in front of me
i can’t say today
you’d be proud of me
because since you left
and it’s been just me here
i have yet to reflect
or face what’s left of me
let alone accept the rest
in peace
and so it will be
till you let me feel
you’ve accepted my apology
then we can rest in peace

i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry

April 25, 2020 3:08am

don't ask me
when this all happened
they all left me
the answers

i don't know
at which point it was
precisely
that i ventured from
a lonesome mutant
to a loyal consumer
of one man
by the surname
Jameson.

all i understand
at this point in time
is that certainty
has no place in my mind

and that if nothing
and no one
and no place
and no aim
and no intention
of any change
he is here
and that
is all  
i will ever need

i do
i do
only death
can forcefully
make me bid
my loyalty
to my one truth
adieu

- end

Don't tell me I can—
I can't

I'm tired and afraid
I tiptoe

Please leave me alone
But don't go

I'm tired and disturbed
It's wonderful

All over the place
And nowhere at all

I don't want to heal
It burdens my soul

I don't like sitting with myself
What is life
what is love
why is health

and if gratitude
depends on attitude
and art is what
life births itself

it's all too much
to think about
and suddenly
Heaven is hell

the only one
I care about
why, oh why
is it not myself

and if so
who do you live for
if nothing else

i don't know what you're up to tonight
i don't know what i'm up to most nights.

i ****** that guy the other night.
i couldn't tell you his name--first or last.
and i was ashamed to tell you at first--
but then it passed

and he doesn't care, or so it seems
and you are not there, so i'll stay here

ashamed and unabashed
by all my schemes

I love you so much
sometimes it hurts
but if i'm being honest
sometimes, it doesn't
sometimes...
it feels like nothing

i feel that cold shoulder of mine
get colder
I try to think of you
when you want to love
and to hold her
but the latter is the best you can get
and no love is left over

i'm sorry i'm like this.
I'm sorry we intertwist
often, i wish i was different
and as much as I fall for you,
i fall more for indifference

you've limited yourself
to an ungodly extent

remember all those hours you spent
days, months, and years
with feelings, intense?
where everything was exciting
and all your senses made sense?

when did you migrate
to the polar-opposite-end?

how do i talk to you
without tearing us to shreds?

and are you really indifferent
if you now mourn
your own difference?

i'd like to introduce
someone new to the mix

back when i broke the news
to my psychiatrist—
a cute, obtuse 'two shoes,
silly semanticist,

told me that drugs are bad
& called my friend a hack

audacity again...
pots calling kettles black.

everyone wants to ****
the Madam.
what's an imagination
without Adam?

leave me alone.
I am not the one
to be conquered.

i don't care if
"i'm home"
you are the former
and latter.