i'd tell 8 year old me
that she is strong
and that right is never
ever
wrong
i’d save her (from a) life  
catch her nightmares
and her plagued thoughts
her daily mournings  
and high mornings
and her struggles
in reminiscing
and fixating
over little clothes
she used to own
o n e  d i s t a n t  d a y
in a land far
                      far
                           far
away
that were once like her
free
and free
of stains

- end

stay up with me please
stay silent like me
let’s be quiet like death
let’s live as one in peace
i want to hear you breathe
just let me hear you
    exhale
  inhale
    exhale
  inhale
stay, i’m so restless
my headrest, your chest
resurrects me beneath stars
just let me listen, please
you help me just by breathing
just let me hear you
    exhale
  inhale
    exhale
  inhale
i feel your heart, it pounds  
my ears pound with its throbs
the pounding in my head
beats down my heart’s rhythm
but there's peace in your breath
just you can hear me
  inhale
    exhale
  inhale
    exhale
    stay up with me please
    your beatings mend my pieces
    i’ll meet death halved and peace-less  
    if for one moment you leave me
    with lungs that gasp for air
    and no exhales to breathe in

- end

shy away from the negativity, i don't care
i used to but i can see you'll see your day
and even though i wish i was a malicious *******
i pray reluctantly that you find someone to bear your pain
when you see your day

- end

i have perfected
the art of acting

now my audience
is absent

i'm alone
with my reflection

it stares at me
with empty eyes

it leaves me
with no direction

- cut

you are one puzzle piece 
out of ten thousand others 
all linking arms
with adjacent neighbors 
you are missing—
absent-
minded and worthless
you are insignificant 

you are weak-minded
they have others
filling their crevices
each indifferent
to your presence
oblivious as to who you are 
or what you look like
you are stressing
that no one misses  
one tiny little piece 
among thousands of others
isolated and self-centered
too 
absent-
minded you have decided
that
you are insignificant 

i come in and
look at the bigger picture
but i am puzzled 
i can’t get past something  
nine thousand nine hundred 
and ninety-nine others 
but all i can see is
a picture so big
yet worth so little 
without you

- end

selfish seated next to pure
how does evil lure demure
underserving, i am cruel 
a wildfire only one ruled

narcissistic, i saw snow
so i torched it, saw it glow
watched the torture, killed it slow
forced together, white and coal

hand in hand and as they melted
when things ended, i reacted 
if only i'd been forewarned
would’ve never fired that torch 

a refugee i fled for help
from war i'd waged against myself
when ceaseless thoughts of him intrude
i knew fate had picked my refuge

an Angel touched my hand 
he took from me my black
his wings lifted my sins 
he sensed my innocence 
rinsed clean my slate with his
for me he risked his wings 
saw my tears made them his

he is my tears
he protects me
offers relief 
he sustains me
unhesitating 
   made quiet my fire 
   he seized my fears
   saved me like tears
                                     he is my tears 
                                     he is my tears
i am pyrite, he is gold
in-fractions quartered my soul
so one tuesday night in june
i raised my weight up on a stool

pessimistic i sought sleep
sewed a tassle by my eulogy
blotched its ink as my eyes spewed
forced my neck into the noose

inhaled the last breath i’d hold
when in he rushed, my precious stone
if only he’d been forewarned
would’ve never touched fool’s gold

then an Angel touched my hand
he changed my jaded plans
his words exuded jewels
he sensed my dissonance
synced my dead breath with his
with jade greener than spring  
filled my lungs to the brim

as my eyes streamed in front of him
he swam dark seas and prized me with
faith i’d drowned cowardly in gin

he is my tears
he protects me
offers relief 
he sustains me
unhesitating 
   made quiet my fire 
   he seized my fears
   saved me like tears
                                     he is my tears 
                                     he is my tears
he kneels down by my knees, says he
wished he had his lens now to steal
this image his two lenses see 
the sky's iris crowning his queen

dilates my pupils as he speaks 
constrict-in vein when high i peek
see no bright stars can make me peak  
like sights of his smile just for me

seep fingertips deep in my wrist  
feel my heart racing, so i sprint 
hear its beats use my ears as drums
hymns his tears sang that day still haunt

i stole from him all but my tears 
he held my burden selflessly 
and as i robbed strides selfishly  
my faith fell back beneath my feet

he is my tears
he protects me
offers relief 
he sustains me
unhesitating 
   made quiet my fire 
   he seized my fears
   saved me like tears
                                     he is my tears 
                                     he is my tears
wish he could see 
that even when they kneel
     Angels                                              ­        
exceed queens.   

- end

confined by the nighttime
its darkness sets me free

- end

we will never be alright.
until we admit
we will never
all be
right.

- end

the most deceptive mask
Lust can wear  

- end

we are all dope fiends
why can't we see
our eyes are so clouded
that we can't see

if it was as easy
as choosing either
i wouldn’t be
a passerby
a passive eye

i'd rather be
a dope fiend
out in the open
with nothing to hide
than to be

a passerby
seeing me
my needled arm
out in the streets
scoffing by
thinking that

i
am better
than
me

- end

i’m* not
like them
afraid
of the
                 monster
lying
under
my bed

they asked
me how

i'm not
like them
i'm afraid,
i said,
that the
monster
laid
upon
my bed

- end