It has been ten dreamlike days,
And nine sleepless nights,
Since I found my father,
So still, his eyes void of light.

Even when my head is foggy,
Whether it be ***** or dope this time,
I find I cannot sleep,
I see you lying there behind my eyes.

Dad I just want to die,
It hurts so ******* much,
And no one understands,
Even the most potent narcotics cannot heal me.

They all expect me to be fine,
But it's been so long since I knew what that word meant.
Now with you gone I'm afraid,
Mom might have to bury me next.

I just want to close my eyes and go to sleep,
Like you did that night all alone.
I wish I'd found you sooner,
I wish I had ******* known.

I know I can't go any time soon,
I promised I'd take care of Elijah.
He's so young he doesn't understand,
Lucky him, he's not the one forced to be a man.

Can't you just come back,
And hug me one last time,
Dad I know I promised,
But there's no way Ill be ******* fine.

I haven't really slept,
Since you passed away.
You were far too young,
It wasn't the right way.

You should've gone out fighting,
But instead you fell asleep.
Everyone's been so understanding,
But ****, I just want to weep.

I've spent the last few hours crying,
Something I'm not used to anymore.
Lately I've felt like vomiting,
But there's no bile left in store.

Figures I had to find you,
Aftet so many months away.
But dad I'd give anything,
For just one more ******* day.

Dad it's been three days since I found you,
They said you had died in your sleep.
Now I find myself drunk on *****,
At 5 am unable to get any peace.

I've handled it the way you'd think I would,
But I don't know how I'll fair,
When we see your open casket,
And all of the family there.

I just want to stay so drunk,
I don't have to see you lying there.
Even if my veins are filled with morphine,
I'm afraid it'll be more than I can bare.

I've seen my own blood,
Trickle down my wrist,
As the rush hit my heart beat
Shattered my reality.

My blood began to pour,
I think I hit an artery this time.
I want to care, I want to be scared for my life,
But the rush is all I know.

And now I feel my heartbeat slow,
Oh God, is this the end?
Am I going to die,
All for this horrid, oh so horrid, beautiful high?

I'll be seeing all my friends tonight,
The ones I thought left me behind.
Nothing makes me feel secure,
Like I did with them at my side.

Its been nearly two years,
Seven hundred and thirty days,
Countless needles shed,
And infinite milligrams consumed.

I just hope tonight,
No one asks me how I'm doing.
I don't know if I can lie away this time.

I went out on a limb that day,
When you pulled me outside,
And told me just how you felt.

I didn't know then what I now know,
That I'd fall in love with you so quickly,
That I'd yearn for your presence,
More than I yearn for the drugs in my veins.

I went out on a limb that day,
When I was still seeing what's her name,
And told you I had a phone call to make,
So that we could see where it would go.

It's been nearly five years and I can honestly say,
That for every mistake I've ever made,
I was rewarded with you,
Just for going out on a limb that day.

Oh it's the last day of the year,
The year my family found everything out.
I've kept everything up for so long,
But a needle point drove me down.

I'm sorry mom and I'm sorry Dad,
I'm sorry to my whole family,
I'm sorry that chemical reactions,
Are the only thing that lights my brain.

I'm sorry I like dopamine,
And the rush that dope always brings,
I'm sorry a few pills keep me sane,
But hey, at least I'm still alive.

I'm sorry I'm such a mess,
And I'm sorry you found my needles grandma.
I'm sorry I hate living,
And I'm sorry life is just too slow.

I'm sorry I ever opened my eyes,
The night I dosed just a little too much.
I'm sorry I ever popped my first pill.
And I'm sorry to everyone,
Because I know I will never, ever have my fill.