Our first kiss tasted like forever,
we grew up poor, different , outcasted.
Your eyes, once bright, filled with smiles.
Do you remember the math class, where we sat in silence. .
It was just me and you. .
Do you remember the nights of longing, touch and desire.
We planned our future. .
Do you remember when I told you in college "**** it lets run away"
Without hesitation my ride and die said "lets go"
Remember those memories, remember the happiness, remember me.
Your eyes, once bright, are dimming,
I am chasing a shadow, a ghost of my loved one, who is still living.
All for what? A different kind of high,
was I not enough, were we not enough?
the man who looks back at me,
is a stranger in our home,
please let me fill whatever void haunts you,
I'll be kinder,
I'll be funnier,
I'll try harder,
come back to me, I feel my heart losing patience,
a fading memory of love,
I grasp each memory, through your distance, through your screams,
through your anger.
but this grip loosens,
it slips away into this world,
of grief for you're alive,
but dead to me.
I loved you,
I am trying to love you
through this life you chose. . .
I'm sorry.

"you know I don't care"
this knot in my chest, is it pride or longing,
his apathy, a stab in the heart,
did it mean nothing, when I held your hand?
did it mean nothing when we gazed into each other's eyes,
did it mean nothing , the gazes, smiles and tears.
each time I try to pull and hide,
you pull me back in with a flicker of belief that glows,
let me go, leave me alone,
perhaps you don't know each crack you make,
for this painful truth, is that I am scared of hating you,
scared of not "caring", so please I beg let me go.

I never wished you bad,
    I wish you the best, after you broke me.
What is stolen departs,
    & when I cried and you laughed,
I never was your enemy,
    for the love you want , you wont find in him.
your eyes will watch, his distant gaze,
     as it continues to depart, for another's bloom
          that will mirror my ghost.
that will be your constant fear,
            for everything in life is paid in one way,
and he will do the same thing to you.
            I just wish you realize, before you're in my place.

A single ugly monster keychain remains,
it whispers through the garbage juice stains,
I'm sorry I threw it away, and dug it from the trash once more.
memories surge, of your sly smile, the subtle wink and the dominating gaze.
free me from these half-forgotten dreams.

I trace each line upon your face, your eyes, your mouth
searching for an answer , why, why why?
I want to be near you, I want to feel the warmth,
only to dig myself more into this hole of longing.
this keychain is all I hold, please , give me the strength to throw it away, to throw us away.
I am weak, for this story tragically untold.
wanting, longing, pleading, hoping.

Today was the first day of silence,
no answer,
no text,
the message was simple and hurtful,
it was goodbye.

To my bright heart.

i'm sorry,
for the way i let you linger,
in solitude,
of their indifference.

sorry for the nights,
i ignored your cries,
chasing circles,
like I always do,
of unreturned affection.

forgive me,
for handing your warmth,
to hands that broke it.

i should have loved you better,
i'll take this pain and turn it into something better
for both of us, i promise
I'm loving me. . .
this time and forever.

Don't give me up,
I wanted to fight this pit in my chest,
but your hands, built a different home.
a beautiful garden, with a white picket swing,
and two souls that aren't mine,
I am just a ghost.

Don't give me up,
My love, a tumultuous sea of emotion,
of longing, of want, of pain.
this weight I carry in my chest,
where echoes of your laughter bloom,
but not for me.

Perhaps, in another life, in another time, in a distant future.
where sunlight is dark,
where rivers run backwards,
where clocks stand still,
we will meet again.
what is this pain? how unfair is this love. .  

Look at me, look at the battles I fought,
look the wars and bullets I took in silent rooms,
the pleas, the tears, I swallowed in the night,
you would see my hand, alone waiting for you warmth.

I asked you to choose,
what for? I already knew the answer.
you walked away, you didn't fight. . .
you fought for them, and left me on this battlefield in my chest,
broken, maimed, longing but above all loving,
someone who does not love me,
& that is the most painful thing in the world.
-Goodbye.