I've failed but this time I'll fail better

When I was born
across the galaxy
it was too
-depression is just
  missing what only
  you know

the day my handwriting
became adult
-I linked the chain

There is something so raw about poetry
You need people to know
but not them
Not the ones you see everyday
but strangers?
     -Yeah They'll Do

We hauled ourselves to wealth and safety
But we forgot them.
   -whoever they were

bra down
pearls clumped
eyes lusted towards headword pen
lips parted
with soldiers to her back
she's a picturesque statue

Dear Mama,
   I don't think you ever taught me to love.

With much indifference,
-Grinding rocks

I lived by Catholic faith and law
so when I dream of her
it makes me nervous
   -I still think of him too

drip
drink
drop
down the well
we
  f
    a
        l
           l

Death is so far off
but I can feel it still
-dawning my grey pearls

There is nothing for me
-Why won't I leave

something's gone awry
I'm just not sure of what
-Lost: Something
-Reward: My 1,000 sunsets

I'm writing over
their worlds

To be anyone else in the world must on some passion feel grand
implanted in the seed of the vast growth of humanity
here i stand
me as i am
   -you can find me on Pluto II

She was taught to be pretty
But don't you know?
Ruby red slippers were made to hide the blood

Running
Running on
Running out
-Which is it?

God I'm gone
and so are you
-my bedside prayer

happy doesn't pay
-neither does depression

I left my soul in his hand
back in California home
    and I've been calling for it back
but it just won't seem to come

That other girl is gone
Ellis is all that is left

Sweet child
Sometimes its ok to
close your eyes
-bruised sockets

I bought it
hanging purple
size double zero
in my closet
I won't let it go

I wonder
when I'll be able to put it on
when my body won't roll
when I'll be accepted
for who I am
And not the 129.6 pounds I held this morning

I run at five a.m. sometimes  
the face of diet culture
before the sun
c o m e s    up
with only moonlight to path my way
only venturing out
when my weight
drops, drops
d
   o
      w
          n
with my depression

.2 or more is the minimum
the equivalent of an extra cookie
a glass of water, a second helping
and my worth

I'm scared someone will see
my flaws

16 counted, growing
you taught them to me
shouted via ads
and social cues
and who you'll let on tv

my face, 4 pimples today
with rounded cheeks
I don't want to be the fat one
the ugly one
the girlfriend's best friend
the duff
the dud

But me is all that's left
1 fat duffy dud of a best friend

And as it is now
what value do I have

Please just stop for a minute
and look
-my eyes are dull

Today it all just crumbled
There I felt again
And I'm sorry to say
     -I fell

Writing is like a road map
carving directions
through times of trouble and hardship
in little yellow lines
it tells us the way
and keeps us on our journey

If they knew how you made me feel
They'd never let me see you again

I told her I loved girls
but I hated her
-what made it easy

on or off
I'm not flipping the switch

witches can only burn
-stake and gasoline

girls with lost sparkle
floating in seas of untouchable plastic
-to the over 35's

drawing fingers
with hither accuse
-all of him

bye bye mama
-losing voices

Sad little girls
dancing tiptoes
in a drafty lane
-child's goggles

And mama your child is gone

here is the
moon filled sky.

this is the town
of sleepy wanders.

these are the
star-lusted street lamps.  

these are the houses
where they roam.

this is the sidewalk
where she has pondered.

here is the house
of quiet lone.

where she has
escaped to the back-porch.

rainbows of glass
can be shattered
-part of growing up

something's going to hit
something's going to work
-bathroom floor pep-talks