It's a strange feeling,
being too scared to leave your home,
to have to lock the doors,
and keep checking to make sure they stay locked,
to have people come get you if they want to go on a walk,
to have your mom tell you that she doesn't want you walking alone at any hour,
you even have to drive to work.
I'm terrified.
I don't feel safe being home alone,
being outside,
being in my hometown,
being in my county,
being in my state.
I'm terrified of the things she's capable of.
I'm terrified of the means she's willing to go to,
just to make herself feel better.
I'm terrified of the darkness she brings,
the shadow she casts on my happy life.
And the worst part is,
**I'm not the only one who's terrified of her.

You once asked me how I felt about you, and I answered
"I love you, and I always will."
Now as I lay in my misery, plagued by nightmares and haunted by the smell of your perfume. I pour another shot to take the pain away, and repeat those same words to the spiders in my dark, lonely, room.
"I love you, and I always will."