the world has gifted us these hands,
to spread love, not exacerbate hate
it has blessed our eyes with vivid colours,
for us to appreciate, not to differentiate
and thus my heart weeps in sorrow
to see these simple rules not be followed

an explosion racks through my mind
in the dark, there comes a whisper
let me live, let me live
now it begs and screams, haunts me in the night
to let it live, to let it live
and i’m thinking of the weight you carry
the burden you have to bury
yet at the end of the day
i miss her (and so, so much more.)

a craving love can't satiate
an expression i can't help but hate
the voices in my head, criminalising and condescending
this empty feeling, is something i struggle to comprehend
because it's something that i don't understand
in order for the situation to de-escalate
i believe i need some form of escape
to stop myself from thinking about the end,
about when this end will come to be.
oops, i think I've hit my saturate
that wasn't my intent, surely?
i see, my world must be ending
so in hopes for the future, i must repeat the sentiment-
woe is me!

I'm glad I left your room tidy.

When they come for your things,
I'll whisper your name,
why the room was too full,
too suffocating.

Too much, too little,
a glass half full,
its emptiness consumes me whole.
It tips over to the edge, barely in place.

You smile and smile and smile it seems so real, but the water is piping hot,
the smoke and ashes form pretty shades on my arms,
I can't help but choke.

An unquenchable thirst,
a lump in my throat that seems to burst out,
I cough, you wretch.

All for a flower.
I crush its leaves,
the petals in my eyes,
my vision clouds,
I stumble,
The plug is pulled.

The hotline is dead.
Sinking deeper, out of the ***,
and into the boiling sea.
The room is angry.
A raging fire,
spitting flames of contempt.

The pale, cold floor,
my eyes unfocused,
like your bed,
empty.

A dream of a future,
all gone.

The walls tear and chew themselves on the inside, the carpet shrivels up and sinks.
Red and roses were your favorite.

A pretty sight,
all the roses that bloomed across your chest,
the chill in your bones never seemed to leave.

Few of those flowers blossom.
Thick, long vines of red,
trickle down from my wrists and onto the floor,
spreading out into beautiful roses.

I'm glad I left your room tidy, my beloved.

Chores can finally rest easy tonight, and so can you.

Please snap off all the strings,
That hang me down from the ground.
Dictate my feelings, give me rules to follow
Not a thought in sight, a word in mind
The audience, we know what you are.
A mere puppet in the wings, waiting.
Walking alongside you aimlessly,
Looking for a path that leads to nowhere.

Capable of loving, knowing what's worth living,
Forever endless toiling, from the winds of change
Enduring eternal hardship, with the bellowing storm.
Does the aforementioned guilt still linger on your mind?
Pain is all I despise, craving relief amidst the raging havoc
Whispers for salvation, but none hear my cries
Granted no mercy, to soothe this aching, to mend this broken heart.

Fasten a gift ribbon around my neck
Tighten and twist, form a bitter departure
Your bone meets my flesh, together we form a human,
Intertwined in fate, but never meant to be
Cut it loose, you're someone I need to lose
Looking for a way to live alone, to leave this encroaching trap
Impossible for a moment of escapism, for it will only seek to strangle me in the end.

your trust is truthfully misplaced
my acts, are falsely praised
i feel my brain being stretched
from the inside out
my rotting flesh
has an unbearable stench
the squelch of my remains
my blood, a liquid courage
or an act of self-sacrificing cowardice?

i know, for you, my words became nothing
and yet, i find myself wishing for more
our friendship, this relationship
i hope it meant something to you.

im suffocating
what were you expecting?
its all your fault
negligence
the cruelest thing you've done
is breathe life into my figure
at least if i die, not by my own will
the death will be justifiable, honourable almost
not a lone soul waiting, for their own self-destruction
i know you don't feel the same way
you'll never say i do
thank you for giving me the opportunity
to finally say i love you
and i miss you too

little starry dreamer, don’t hide your sin
blood follows your dripping tears
telling from the pages, you are not innocent
i can see the fronts you put up, all those silly disguises
and the lies beneath those eyes.

when the riverbanks turn up dry,
and roots on the ground shrivel up and rot
will you keep asking yourself, why, why, why?
when everything you once loved finally dies
leaving you without hesitation, not a second thought
will you realize all you believed in, was just a mere filthy lie?

the rich will get richer, and the poor will simply die
but i have to eat the starving crows
stuck between the lines, of poverty and the cold
roaming, lost, at the ****** crossroads
was the path to happiness always a lie?

i always wondered, how could betrayal be so bitter?
one would never expected their friend
to be the one who dealt them the worst hand.
now, tell me, good sir, where do you draw the line,
between the truth and the lies
is it only when your child commits suicide...
or do you have something else to hide?

we can see all the misdeeds
implanted, howling in your mind
your unorthodox cravings, your every need
so don't try to hide
your true malicious nature.
how do you plead? guilty.

pray tell, don't lie
im boiling,
brimming on the surface of lucidity
voice, full of venom,
dripping with raging acidity
you should know the limits of your regret
and never, ever forget
i’m here for your self depreciation
because i’m always on your side
in the storm, no matter what
i'll be there.
but...

you have to take my hand
and let yourself sink in the misery
asking, what am i doing this for?
see the logic, the motive, the reason
behind every action, every movement
then say you understand
the consequences of war.

the two of us knew
it was never meant to be.
(was it only me, or maybe you too?)
but we pretended to be together,
we pretended to be free.
yet, despite everything
without you, i am nothing
for you, i am nothing
and i will always be nothing, to you.

with the silence burning the tips of my ears,
and in my arm, laid a bouquet of fresh roses
i always noticed you...
amongst the weeds in the garden, you were fluttering freely in the sky
so i whisked away all your hopes, dreams, and fears,
i clipped your wings, yet demanded for you to fly.

now, open your eyes, and see.
this basket of flowers' thorns, that robbed you of your sight  
with my promises of love fading into false proposes
i had stolen your heart in the middle of the night
but never returned it back to the sender! (i’m waiting for you... are you waiting for me too?)

A single white swan, basks in the light
Graceful and elegant, it glides
Through the water, observe its reflection
One’s true identity comes to light
It now bares its feathers, in an effort to scare off others
But the dove sinks further into the water, longing for their warmth
Drowning, sinking, while the swan watches keenly
Encompassing, delving into madness
Both birds, now descending in self-destruction
Now this, I say—is true love.

Empire of distrust crumbs under the weight
Of a fortuitously timed defeat
Betrayal sinks in, the storm of the century
A slice of ill luck will shrivel in its grave
Come forth a hero, who rises from the flames
Let glory shower this coat of arms
Below reveals a casket of lies
Deceit entombed deep in their bones

you're better off without me.
why won't you leave me?
why did you leave me?
simple questions you can't answer
reveal the lies between your teeth
the truth peering through these gaps
glaringly obvious to my familiar gaze
don't you tire, from this endless game of lying?

Weakness
My bones feel weak
Round my eyes spin

Like the earth
Faster, faster I go
Spiral downwards, tipsy over the edge
It creeps out, inside it goes

Peeling and peeling the layers
Crimson, red and hot
This is not my skin

Luminous, heavenly birds
Fly up, high in the sky
Let your cries of freedom soar
Carry these dashed hopes,
And all these forgotten dreams
May it reach someone kind,
To cherish it dearly.

oh dear...
i think there's some fog in my brain,
it's filling up with fear
i'm drowning in the rain,
dripping with tears
nothing really feels clear.

seeing their face,
looking at me with disdain
knowing this is something,
something that i can't ever hope to mend.
i can't pretend that-
i don't feel the insufferable pain
of losing my only friend.

so i look at the bottom of the barrel,
take a swig of my beer
realising that things will never be the same
seeing that it's the end of my years,
thinking how i miss being here,
how i'll miss calling your name.

don't you feel the same when you see my guilted expression?
don't you feel the love, my twisted apprehension
is this not enough, my form of admiration
for you, i'll do anything.

nobody has to know
what i'm doing between my thighs
what i'm thinking about, like ending my life
alcoholism synthesizes the metabolism
living losing its meaning
dying feels like im thriving
im chasing this never-ending high
never wanting to stop, to ask myself why
i drown further in my thoughts
the disease plaguing my mind
the need to finally leave everything behind
the desire urging me to die
nobody had to know.

skin against skin
scraping the barrel
blade against flesh
releasing the insides
warmth fills my bones
and so does the jelly fat
it hobbles around silly
a reminder of what i've done.

Longing for freedom, to drift, like the boats on the shore
The ocean calls, it wants me to stay.
With sunny days gone, now knocking on the door
Promising to keep the sea of regret at bay
So I don't forget who I made these memories for
Now, steal this feeling of sorrow away
And smile all day, living freely once more.

Going through the cycles
Passing through the days
Seeing people move on already
They rise quickly, fade away slowly
One day, things will be okay
Even when I start to lose the droplets of hope
And life starts to seem meaningless
That phrase gives me hope
But I'm beginning to forget
Everything special to me
As I selfishly cling onto you
Praying for your words of permission
To make me feel better
I realise after all this time, I've deceived myself
You aren't real, and so is this future
I don't know anymore
Lies or reassurance, my fateful hand
Sorry for hurting you
Maybe I am

if i disappeared
would you even notice?
if i left
would you even care?
if i died
would you even bother to cry?
yes, you'd say
but deep down in my heart,
i'd know it was a lie.

staring at the walls with apathy
i cant help but ask myself,
whats wrong with me?

why do i despise the way my mouth moves,
and the horrifying sounds that follow?

why am i unable to speak, unable to think,
unable to meet your eyes?

i feel so small in your presence.
i feel so small in your eyes.
maybe i'm nothing,
maybe i'm worth nothing.

something must be wrong with my way of thinking
and my miserable way of living
or maybe-
there's something wrong with me.

Close your eyes and forget
All the lost ones along the way
Sleep peacefully, in the midst of the meadow
My forehead adorned with a wreath of flowers
Blooming prettily under the sunlight
A locked chest, behind glass doors
I stay back, closed off from the world
In my clasped hands,
Lies my key, alone and firm
Open this lock quickly, and free me from my chains
Into the dizzying, enchanting creation
Of people's hopes and dreams
Remember the promise I had bestowed upon you
That once I could fly, you'll look back, Watching me from the sky
And finally let me spread my wings, and take flight.

Extreme ends of the earth
Connect, collide, to form the stars
Reaching out, grasping for a relation
To mend the seams of this broken devastation
Static in my ears, as I watch them dance
Melancholy in my eyes, as I yearn to be free
I stare into the mirror, my reflection in the water
Is that unfamiliar face, truly me?

The hardest thing to do
Is to say goodbye
To close your eyes
To peacefully lie
The world goes dark
I'm afraid of the cold
The emptiness within
The fact I'll never grow old
Or see the flowers blossom
The sun rise once more
Not another breath
Pain, suffering, grief
It becomes meaningless
In the great scheme of things
A life once worthy
A memory once happy
A person once, ending it all
And everything is—
Finally gone
Like how things should be.

New life comes, taking in every breath
But with spirited birth, comes unseemly passing.  
So I contemplate over the aftermath
Ruminating for any causes of death
Since I have nothing else to think about
To take up my days of leisure

Too afraid of tying up loose ends
Abandoning all of my closest friends
For a mere slip-knot, and a moment of doubt
My way, my compass, my long winding path,
I lost everything.

Tears wash away the stains
Time erodes any yearning pain
The things I kept close to my heart
And everything I held dear
All lost to my lonely, selfish fear
This love, no longer mine.

I molded stones into tall buildings
I formed the thoughts that you were thinking
I gave up the world so you could live
But in the end,
You ignored the miracle of my gift
You fell from the sky, up above
And sank into the abyss, down below
Yet, I waited and waited in the cold
Saying goodbye to a past memory  
Only for you to say you forgot me.

I'm-
Thinking about something.
Something, someone I forgot.
A companion, who had made my heart warm,
This friendship, now faded, and withdrawn
And a home, where I believed, I could finally belong.  
Each and every one of them... truly long gone.

All that remains after is nothing,
Except this pent-up swirl of emotions
Screaming out of rage
It's begging for you to forgive yourself, and move on
Please turn the page, and end this story.

Don't worry about before,
Live in the present, not the past
In order to set yourself free, from this cage of misery
To find a happy ending for both you and me
You must leave the stormy seas,
And venture out to the beyond.
Leave, dearest me, and finally be happy.

Lacerations litter your every being,
Slits decorate the spaces between your arms,
The skin around your incisions reddened in fury,
And the mess simply peeled apart at the seams.
With self-gratification as your holy grail,
You wait anxiously, for the next moment of temporary relief.
Knowing every time, you give into your desires of hatred
That you'd slice yourself up giddily, with no thought taken to spare
For the consequences that come after, the burning red scars,
And the choice, the temptation, to suffer all over again.

How can that lovely, pursed mouth of yours
Spew such horrid and distasteful lies,
Utter nonsense dripping from your lips
When you say,
Dig my heart out, for the masses to see
How much I loved you, how dear you were to me
They sting and burn, chipping away at my skin
Ruining me from the inside out, I've become ugly
It hurts when you speak, it's killing me slowly.
Why, why do you hate me?

A handful of coins, to pay the fee for the bus.

Quiet chats, with rough leather seats, a skin away from alive. Scenery, stretching out into the unknown, the window outside, painting a gateway to the acres of trees.

I smile, knowing these moments are between the two of us.
Just you and me.

With the sea and sky for company,
Guided, by a soulful dream
We are one.