I wish I could stare in the mirror
Look back at that haunting reflections
The long, dark shadows, lying behind my eyes
I want to tell myself to live—
To finally learn how to smile, genuinely, for the first time in my life
But deep in my heart, I have always been a coward
And I could never forget you
So I hide away from the truth, sinking into oblivion
"Things will get better."
But that's just another lie, isn't it?

In a sea of faces, I'm just another one in the crowd
A number on the board, a pawn never worth your attention
I start seeing people seem so happy
Smiling with joy I've forgotten how to possess
And yet I linger like a ghost, staring into the fields
Watching the flower petals scatter into the wind
Memories of a past, lost forever
Wondering how I can ever learn to feel that way again
But my existence seems meaningless,
An easy way out gleams forward, lighting the path
A tightening around my cord, ticking seconds pass by
Counting down to the moment it ends
The sound they hitch and catch, lost in my throats
Words long pass the notion of death
I only wanted to be set free.
Final sailors wait at the station
Stone meets my sentiments, followed by the foggy after
A lone umbrella waits quietly in the rain
Ones trying to remember a soul already gone
Soon they become busy, far and few
The thought occurs to me, sudden and sharp
An unease fills the cavities in my chest
It creeps doubtfully, into the corner of my mind
Reminding me of that haunting statement, once I used think was true—
"I can't believe anyone would miss someone like me."

Thank you for making my last few moments worth living
A ray of hope in these troubled times
Although this might an experience
One I rather not repeat once again
I would do anything just to see you again
My final declaration of thanks
I love you so much it hurts.

I just can't bottle these feelings up anymore
I stare at the ceiling, picture the swing
The slow, gentle sway, and the thing that hangs hauntingly
A sight for sore eyes
But I wonder what will take me out next
My inevitable boredom, or the questioning of my existence
Then, I realise I don't care—
I just want it to happen soon.
Now, to repeat the same lie
Etching in my skin like routine,
A fond friend to this darkness
Dissolving deep within my bones,
This old yet familiar companion
Of words and falsehoods alike
"Sorry, I really am."
Followed by a quiet realisation
Comes that ****** question
The one I always hated to hear.
"Do you think anyone will miss me when I'm gone?"
Of course they will
Still, I'd rather they don't
I know in your arms, I am wanted
And yet, I already feel guilty enough
From stealing the air from your lungs
Glancing upon the smile on your lips
I never deserved a thing.
So please, don't think of me kindly
Just bid me a goodbye
That will be enough for this weary soul
Don't love me at all, let me rest in peace
I shall offer you one last comfort
As the world fades away,
And the months bleed out
Leaving a shadowy, crimson splash
Blooms across pale skin, lines across the road
I breathe my final words
"It wasn't your fault."
But who really believes that, right?

Say goodbye to someone
The person I used to be
With feelings I will miss dearly
Remaining stagnant, void of change
So many emotions running wild
Deep in my veins, they smile
Waiting for the day
I can go out with my sorrow
And bid that wretched thing
Finally, a blessed farewell—
Any day now, it'll be my time.

I don't know what to do
It's just a cycle, this misery
Hoping things get better, but they get worse
Without you, my life has no meaning
Lingering quietly, as I wait for the end,
I mourn my past feelings of happiness
I miss being younger, letting go of those carefree memories
I miss my friends, and how things used to be
I know some things can't stay the same forever,
But am I so wrong for wishing they would just remain as it is?
And for one day, I can convince myself with this foolish lie—
That everything will be okay again.

the erasure of a life i could have loved
but the most horrifying thing was never remembering
looking at things that arent quite right
smiling at people who arent quite there
questioning a scene that was never lived in
slow, drips of crimson seep through my skin
blooming across my chest, red angry streaks
a long ago, they meant something to me
but now, i dont know.
and i cant remember who
or what i was ever meant to be
now im stuck rotating, spinning around the clock
watching the hours tick by
forgetting, waiting for the inevitable end
looking for a memory of someone i used to see.