Kai - Hello Poetry

Mar 31

alison

you cannot just walk in and out of my life.
I am not a door.
I am not a robot, so do not treat me as if my feelings don't matter, because I'm human, not anything else.

what else is new

Kai Mar 31

Whispers

The intrusive thoughts
They call out to me
Whispering
In my ear
To take the axe
And ****** the first person nearby

They consume my brain
Once I pick up a pair
Of scissors
My thoughts
Once full of the intention of cutting up a crocheted pear
Now reduced to one
With the sole intent
To cover myself with super **** scars

They colonize
They mineralize
They reorganize
They way how
My nerves
And brain functions

They tell me
Everything is fine
When I do mere cat scratches
At my thighs and arms
They tell me to do more
And everything will be okay
They tell me
Everything is their fault anyway
They're the reason why I'm doing it
The stings
Fall away
And they keep encouraging
Telling me to try to cut deeper
With a dull blade

The axe
The axe is telling me to release my anger
Onto someone
Someone that deserves
Getting an axe
Thrown at their head
It's telling me
I'm not going to be a danger
To society
Or myself
If I follow
It's command

These thoughts
Are begging to see
Blood
Even though
I'm scared to see
The blood
I'm scared to see the insides of humans
Yet somehow
I manage
To let them see some blood
One way
Or another

From begging for me
To be punching holes
In the walls
To making me want to slit my own throat
And call it a day

They help me
By letting everything go by
They provide me
And help me see
That everything is going to be fine
They remove most of my struggles
And blame it on someone else
They reassure me
Like no one else can

They're like a leech
Yet, I still love them

toxicity! Anyways, i feel like I'm getting choked again! Yippee! I got to go home because of it too!

#whispers #selfdestructive #independent

Mar 31

Cassandra Livingston

A Little Advice

Stop waiting for your prince
on a white horse,
go and find him.

The poor man might be lost,
or stuck on an island
or something.

Can't take full credit for this one. I found it on the internet, and it just made me laugh.

#humor #love #life #advice

Mar 31

Poet

Live

Are you alive?
Don’t test your pulse
You know that’s not what I mean
A beating heart means nothing
When your head is grey
When your breath is short
When your lungs refuse to breathe
I don’t ask if your body’s alive
I ask if your mind is
Are your breaths long?
Do you enjoy the feel of them inflating?
Do you see it for the miracle it is?
You ARE alive
There ARE people who care
There IS someone who loves you
Who would become what you are now if you were gone
You wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone
So don’t just live for yourself
Live for the people who love you

Mar 31

Poet

Sincerely…

breathe
do you feel your lungs expanding?
do you feel you chest rising?
open
open your eyes
do you see the sun?
the moon?
the stars?
the clouds?
all of them were made for you
you
wonderful
       beautiful
                lovely
                                           YOU
sincerely,
someone who cares

Mar 31

Peter Gerstenmaier

Breath

Maybe they're right…
Maybe I’m a terrible person
A narcissistic ******* with
Manipulative tendencies
And a giant ego

Breath

Could I be a wolf
Disguised in sheep’s clothing?
Or perhaps a deceptive villain
That became an expert at
Playing the good guy part?

Breath…

What if I’m no better than
My **** father and grandfather?
What if the difference between us
Is merely circumstantial?

Breath!

You know all those dreams
Are never going to happen
Right?!

Breath!!!

It doesn't have to be like this
It could all go away, you know?

Breath, breath, breath

It will go away eventually
But not like this

Breath…

Had another episode last monday... they're becoming more frequent. Happening like every other month.
This piece is not pretty, and writing this was really hard. But it's my best effort in describing the chaotic struggle of trying to push those intrusive thoughts away and getting back the control of my mind.

#depression #breath #struggle #chaos