My father said believe in nothing
My mother told me everyone will do you wrong
I thought to be taught a wise lesson
Sang along this song for far too long
Wasn't sure I'd know how to forget
or how to move on

My father cried only once
My mother never stopped her tears
Are we just vessels to be filled
with our forerunners' endless fears
Of a life that is begging to be lived
Just to be dead on arrival at the piers

My aunt said do what's asked of you
In the end no one could tell me how it's done
I jumped off the boat of broken ones
and got washed up at distant shores unknown
Though since then I saw many bright suns
never has anything clear been shown

Endless days of wondering
endless ways to go on pretending
always kneedeep in my head, always pondering
and how fiercely I'd like to be defending
the fragile insides of my chest but I let them keep plundering
hearts and hopes are constantly breaking and mending

To this shell I'm bound
for now my heart is cold and my ghost is still
in awe of what I haven't found
sitting on my mind's windowsill
wishing for a wind of change. May it be profound.

I yearn for something
bright, and warm,
and soft,
and glowing, and gentle,
and kind,
like a blanket of flowing sunshine
engulfing me,
creating a cocoon of kindness
to shelter me from
the outside world, and
everything in between,
I want to feel safe, and loved,
freed from inner demons
and jabbing words,
and tainted stares,
taken away and hidden
from poison,
my skin and eyes glowing,
my mind a vast, welcoming
pale blue sky
my lips a creamy peach,
tasting sweet honeysuckle drops
on my tongue,
I want to breathe easily
air as fresh, and clean,
and pure with the essence
of innocence, and
hushed, content breaths
of peace,
I want to curl up
into a ball, and
be my own savior,
wipe my own tears, and
preserve my own laughs
and soft, genuine words,
I want to be left alone,
alone from guilt, and fear,
and the red threads
of fate, tying me to
others, who make me regret
my existence, and every breath
I inhale,
and every broken step I take,
I just want to be
free and forgotten from it all,
to just be safe and sound
in my cozy little, but wide
room of warmth,
and softness, and solitude,
I will forever dance
like a beam of sunlight,
twirling softly in a palm,
always out of reach,
like a forgotten dream.

I have felt the ripples
of predestined change
Some crashing like tidal waves
upon my desolate plane

Others a delicate trickle
through this narrowing gorge;
complex and understated
in its methodical purge

Both deliberate in the upheaval
and churning of the soil
change that brings inner balance
to mind, body and soul

I’ve swum against their current
dragged to murky waters below
tumbling in the turmoil
of my urgent need for control

Now cast upon this rocky shore
panicked and alone
I must surrender to the journey
to find my way back home

I welcome the soaking of soles
as I intend to surf each wave
Immersing myself into its flow
I become the ripples of change