I don’t regret meeting him because through him I met a lot of nice people and I don’t blame him for how I am and I still don’t know why we went through what we went through and I’m learning to be okay with that but it’s taking me time, like before I would dream of him and I’d wake up with an anxiety attack and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t love him when I was with him, but later on it grew on me. But I’m slowly growing out of it. I don’t have panic attacks when I think of him anymore and my hands still get cold when I go to places where we use to go but I think I’m understanding what I’m worth more than anything. I read a quote one time that said “you can be with someone 2 years and
Feel nothing and you can be with someone for 2 months and feel everything” and I think that’s what happened so that’s why it’s taking me so long.

Am the worst one to ever be born,
Lacking an aim to objectives,
Am as information within torn...
Making excuses for my life's grace so gone....

Joke at me, I am a thing to mock at,
Ofcourse, am insane - so inhumane...
Tracking existence of nothingness...

Keeping my eyes at place,
As a matter of fact, for me is impossible...
Umbrella saves you from rain,
Rain doesn't stop cause of it!

Making a decision on whether I want to live, or not,
Actually is quite tough, quite boring..
Nobody can ever have guts to live my boring life...
"Going places " from knife to knife...
As if, I have no reason to live,
Tragically, I have no responsibility to die...

I'm suicidal
I have thought about it not only once or twice but thrice
I'm suicidal
I have written hundreds, thousands and millions of letters
I'm suicidal
I'm a danger to myself
I'm suicidal
I see no fun in living.

The I love you stopped a long long time ago. Sometimes I'm tempted to say those three words just one more time. Sometimes when we're together the piercing words almost spill out but in a instant I stop myself.
I stop because I know how you'll reply.
When I hear those two words come out of your mouth I'll be crushed because that was the inevitable outcome for me saying I love you one last time

Ten tall trees
Surrounding the stony path.
Nine familiar faces
Onlooking the happenings.
Eight rough rocks
Lining the rugged road.
Seven small points of nature's creation,
Frogs and dogs and birds and logs.
Six strong scents
That nature breathes.
Five fingers
Fumbling to find safety.
Four stable wheels
Lying under the board.
Three friendly hands for confident comfort
Deceitful yet calm.
Two arms for balance
A lonely truth of real care.
One blue bruise
From the lies of onlookers and the deceit of a skateboard.