I used to think that the penalty
for devastating loss
was a metaphorical
            hole
                   in your
heart.

And though that
            hole
                  made you
broken,
something would come along
to fill that
            hole.

All things broken
could be made new again.

I know now,
that is not true.
A
            hole
                   in your
heart,
cannot be filled.

When you lose a piece
of yourself,
that piece is gone.
Forever.

And no amount of love,
or support,
can restore you
to shiny, new condition.

But
that is not to say
that the broken
cannot be healed.

For though a heart
can never be made
             whole
again,

It can be made larger.

You can never replace
the missing pieces,
But you can always
collect more.

And though more surface area
leaves more opportunity for
              holes,
It also changes the size
of the existing ones
relative to what's left.

You will never not miss
what you have
lost.

You will never not feel
burdened by your
brokenness.

But it will get easier.

How do you tell your mother that you've been cutting since July 20 2015?
The one who loved you.
The one who told you it was just a phase when you came out as bi.
The one who walked you across then street when you where to small to see from a car.
The one who has been completely oblivious as you sobbed in your bed room.
The one who asked if you cutt when you drew a picture of a broken angel.
The one who you have been lying to for 9 months.
How do you tell her when your afraid she will dissapointed in you?

Upon a mood that is rather pensive
I appreciate my newfound friendship
God has methods of letting people meet
Whether through poetry or on the street.

I am grateful for the warnings and advice you provide
Knowing that you won't hesitate to scold or to chide
I thank you for being a helpful friend
A truthful friendly and helpful godsend.

Loser signing out
      Star gazer.

Fake smile,
           Dried eyes,
                       Scratched wrists,
                                         Bruised thighs,
                                                         White pills,
                                                                      Rope tied,
                                                                                Gun loaded,
                                                                                                     *Suicide.