You say you care
You say you love me
But do you really?

What’s my favorite flower?
What’s my favorite color?
What’s my favorite food?

All simple questions you should know
The hesitation when answering them
Proves just how much you know me
You don’t
You have no idea who I am.

What do I wanna do when I graduate?
What college do I wanna go to?
Why isn’t HE in my life anymore?

Harder questions.
You should still know them.
Instantly off the top of your head because…
Because you supposed to love me
Your supposed to care for me
Do you?
I don’t know…

Am I pretty?
Am I smart?
Am I a horrible person?

Questions only you should know.
Questions I don’t even know the answer to
But you do.
Or at least you should.
If you loved me
If you cared about me
You would know…

Get to know me
When you can answer every question I ask
With no hesitation
You will then know me.

When it happpens it sticks
The swings
The kicks
The trauma.

Physically
Emotionally
Mentally
Draining.

The trauma that sticks
The trauma that stays in my mind
No matter what I do it sticks

The depression
The flash backs
The anxiety
The trauma that sticks

Never leaving
No escaping
The trauma
                    That sticks.

”Please stop”
Your hand molding to fit the shape of my breast
“Please stop”
You do it again
What’s supposed to be affection
Has turned into you crossing the line

I say stop
You keep going
I say top
You try to make me wanna keep going
STOP
please…
You’ve crossed the thick line
It’s grown thicker with everyday with you
But now..
Now you’ve crossed over it

How dare you keep going when I say stop
How dare you keep molding and squeezing
I said stop can you not hear me?
You’ve crossed the line I thought you would never cross

For what?
For your enjoyment?
Your fingers are blades.
Cutting deeper into me with every grab, *****, and rub
The line is gone how could you do this.?

One full year of trust down the drain
I said stop
It started with just little things that annoy me
Now you’ve crossed the line
You hurt me.
HOW COULD YOU.

Maybe I’ve let the line grow to thick
Your supposed to be the person I trust
But now you’re someone I’m scared of.
What if you take it to far next time..
What if this leads to ****..

You’ve crossed the line
I trusted you.
Now it’s gone.

Your words feel like razor blades cutting my skin
My mind is racing
“I really ******* up this time”
But no true apology

Every word pushes the blades deeper
The pain you give me
The worry you give me
The amount of guilt I feel

Every touch is like a knife through my heart
Every feel is like my skin is burning off
A drug is what you are
So addicting
Yet so painful to me
So bad for me physically
But so good for me mentally

Or are you..
The torture you put me through
Brings me flashbacks from when I was young
Watching him laugh as she beat me
Watching him hold me down so I didn’t
“Squirm”

I wanna be set free
But i want to keep you
Be better.

Let me free
Let me squirm from your grip
Please let me go
Stop holding me down

Watching her be tazed and taken down in front of me
Watching you hurt me over and over
Dragging me down further and further

My heart is ripping
My heart is dropping
Everything slowly falling

Self love gone
Confidence gone

But my love for you stays
Why?
Your acid
So painful yet can’t help but love the pain
Want it constantly yet want it to go away

Please stay
But please set me free
Find a balance in between

I need you
But I need a better version

Set me free quit stopping me from squirming..

What does the future hold for me?
I’m not sure
But I am sure of one thing
I will never be like you

The pain I feel because of you..
I will never let my kids feel
You knock me down then stab me
I never get a break

I sit in a ball crying wishing for it to stop
Wishing for the pain to stop
But it never does..
It just gets worse

I hate you
I ******* hate you.

Manipulator
Liar
Narcissist

My future doesn’t hold you in it
You are not in my future

Tho you think you are the worlds best mom
You Aren’t
You are far form it

The things you do don’t help me
You break me
You have shattered my heart into pieces
Pieces that can’t be put back together

The things you say to me
“Your selfish”
“Try harder”
“I miss the old you.”

You miss the old me?
Well your the one who killed her

The girl who loved
The girl who cared
The girl who wanted to live

She’s dead.
Because of you

I hate you
I ******* hate you

My future holds many things
But you..
You aren’t one of them
I hate you.

A year of true love
Four bouquets of flowers
Every petal slowly plummeting
Sitting in the middle of my room
How could I ever get rid of them
Especially since they’re from you.
My teenage love.

15 years of torture and love
1 blanket given to me years back
Still attached is your scent
How I miss that version of you
Maybe that’s why I hold onto it.
My once amazing dad.

The pencil scratching against the page
Words of love being written
The notes you write all together
Just like us..
I could never leave them alone.
My bag of love.

All together my room
If I’ve ever loved you your there
Attached to a wall or hidden in the closet
Your represented in some way
My 15 years of life packed into this space.

Im pleading to e noticed
For more than just my grades
I want to be heard
More Han just my anger
I’m not always angry
But I hold my emotions in so it comes out as anger..

I’m pleading to be loved
Love the way him and her are
Your words tear me apart
Do you even care?

It hurts the favoritism is clear
You favorite them as I watch silently
But when I finally explode…
I get in trouble?

You don’t care its clear
What can I do?
I only want love…
I only want fairness…

Why do you do this to me?
How can you do this to me?
I’m your first born
But you hate me?

You call me your best friend
But you pick them?

How does that work?
It doesn’t.

You could try and hide it you know…
Why do you have to throw it in my face?
As if I don’t see it everyday.

Every word you say shoots an arrow through my heart
I’m bleeding.

Do you notice?
No.
Do you care?
No.
Do you love me..?
….
No..

I sit here pleading and pleading you
I just want parental love and care…