you look at your life,
and all that you see,
is brokenness
and hopelessness
as if there's nothing
standing in your place.
you look at death,
and death looks back at you.

that moment when
they tell you
that you're
cheap and disposable
like the piece of trash
that you are

how many times have
you heard that before?

they throw punches
like they throw words
little do they know
words are like scars
they leave marks
on your life
like no other

it's like no one knows
no one feels
the pain
the suffering
the weakness

they call you
a coward
they call you
weak
they laugh at you
and belittle you
they push you down
and kick you
and like all
the other beatings before,
you take it.

they tell you
I'm sorry
but they don't mean it
they only say it
because they have to.

they tell you that they'll
be there for you
be by your side
every step of the way
but they're wrong
they lied to your face
just to make themselves
feel better
only to tell you that
they're busy
you don't feel better,
heck, you just feel
alone.

they say that
they know what
you're going through
they say it's going to
get better
but it --
--
--
--
doesn't.

they ask if you're okay
but they don't mean it
they don't give a ****
about how you feel
you want them to ask
if you're happy...  

but deep down,
your mind is shredded
your body is beaten to bits
and you feel like ****.
you want to slit your wrists
hold a gun to your head
and count to three...

One.
Two.
You don't even make it
to three.
You pulled the trigger
and your mind goes
blank.
You face death
and death stares back.

You.

You'd think a grown giant wouldn't be intimidated by someone like you but its true. It's you.

All it takes is one glance at you and the kingdom I've built comes crashing down.

You have the power to rock me to my core and bring me to my knees.

And you'd think after knowing that,
I'd leave my greatest weakness-
But no.

For I need my weakness to find my strength.

It’s an internal feeling just like any other.
Both hard and soft at the same time
and always unforgiving.

You write like you mean something to someone.
Like someone is going to read your words and agree
or understand
or try to get it
but it slips past them every time.

You write like you have something to say.
Like someone cares and wants to hear.
To understand.
To agree.
To disagree.
To spill respect either way.

You write like he’ll read,
like he’ll care
and he’ll hear you once and for all.
He’ll really hear you
and won’t tell you you’re wrong
even though you’re always wrong.

You’ll write like he loves  you.
Unconditionally.
Not conditionally.
Only when you’re perfect,
perfectly quiet
not writing at all.

You write like you’re right.
Like you know.
You know what’s best.
What’s best for you
and he can’t tell you what to do.
Though he can
and he will

You write like you’ve overcome it
once and for all.
Or just once.
One time would be enough.
For now.
To start.

You write like he’ll listen.
Listen to a word you’ll say.
Or write.
Or think.
Or try to spit out
even when your tongue is as tied as a shoelace

You’ll write anyway.
When he doesn’t read.
When he doesn’t care.
When he tells you you can’t write.
When he tells you you’re wrong.
You’ve misunderstood.
You’re too sensitive.

You’ll write
and breath
and cry
and speak.

And it’ll mean something,
to someone
somewhere.
Even if it means **** to him
Because he said it was wrong.

Every time someone
Tells me that they
Know what it feels like
It frustrates me
It feels like
No one gets it
No one really listens.

You're not like me
You have no idea what
I'm going through.

Those times
Hours, minutes
That you put in;
All that effort and energy
Wasted for nothing.

Maybe it's because
I don't see it
I don't see the pay-off.
The results seem to
Be diminished.
Finished.

It just seems useless
Worthless
Like there's no point
In telling you more.
My mind and my pride
They just shatter
Like there's no one
Holding me up
No one beside me.
My trust just vanishes.