I don't know what to do,
as I wade helplessly through
these murky waters,
because I fear that you have
once again slipped through the
cracks of my foolish fingers,
and the darkness of the swamp
has returned as I am left
grabbing the muggy air
where I know I will not find you.

I really want to be shot
to feel excruciating pain at the brink of unimaginable pleasure
to be covered in blood staring at the light at the end of the tunnel speaking words of profound wisdom
to laugh with tears rolling down my face
with coughs of blood interrupting my last address

I really want to be shot
not in the head so I don’t die quickly
but close to my heart so I put my hand to my chest and bleed out slowly
as each pulse escapes my grasp and my life flashes before my eyes
each a fleeting memory never to be recalled

I really want to be shot
as she tried to stop the bleeding, she cries out
stroke her by the face and tell her everything will be alright
smile a midst the chaos to ease her pain
eyes close as I fall into a sleep I probably will never awaken
open them to the warmth of lips upon my cheek
I really want to be shot so I can ask ‘Am I in heaven?’