And then, I whispered....
Be still; my soul
But how do you still a soul that’s never been whole
How do you quiet a storm that was born in your bones
when your silence itself becomes its own cyclone

See...
I’ve been chasing peace in pieces
knees on broken thesis
pleading with time to rewind what it seizes
but grief doesn’t lease us  it feeds us
like wolves beneath wool in the seasons we pray

I asked God for light
He gave me delay
Said; “Be still; My abd”
But what if stillness feels like decay
Like rot wrapped in ribbons
like faith turned fray

Still...
When my breath breaks in echoes of doubt
when my mind maps exits; but I can't get out
when prayers pour in but the answers drought

Still...
When the doctor said "wait"; and the night said "no"
and my strength got slow but the pain said “grow”
Tell me; how do you still what still bleeds in your chest
When the wounds wear robes and still call it dressed?

But then
in the middle of noise I heard a hush
not silence; no
but a sacred rush
Like a whisper that whittled through marrow and dust
not loud
but just enough to trust

Be still; not as surrender
but a different kind of fight
not giving up
but giving God the right
to write the night with His own hand
I finally understand

Stillness is not pause
it’s power
It’s walking on storms
when the waves still tower
It’s knowing your God’s not late  just slower
than fear would like
but wiser than doubt

Stillness is faith when the map fades out

So now; I stand
not idle; not cold
but still
Not frozen
just bold
Because though the wind may roll and the thunder patrol
my soul is still  and God is in control

They said loyalty pays
But I've been investing time in a system that only pays attention to favourites
The office clock ticks like a ticking bomb; not a heartbeat
Because each beat reminds me...
That I’ve been sitting on a desk that was never meant to rise with me

See; I’m the guy they call when pressure breaks bones
When deadlines **** dreams and the best hands are too burnt to build
But they never call me when there’s applause
Never cc me in the glory mails  only the blame ones
I’m the one who cleans the mess the favoured made
But still they call me second best
Like talent came with caste and titles were born; not earned

I’ve written proposals that raised eyebrows in boardrooms
Only to watch my ideas wear another man’s nametag
I’ve brainstormed so hard my mind got soaked
Yet they called it drizzle when my skies were breaking
And the man who always gets the mic
Well... his voice ain’t louder; just better connected

I prayed; oh I prayed
That the system would glitch
That maybe the gold-plated prodigy would slip
That for once; skill would be picked over pedigree
But no
He never slips; or maybe he does
And the fall is framed as flight because he’s their favourite kite
They blame the wind; not the wings

But oga; oh...  I mean boss
Yesterday; another recruiter said
"A talent like yours should be building empires; not watching over one"
He said...
“You’re not stuck  you’re stitched into a system that fears your shine”
And for the first time; my silence felt like a betrayal
To myself

So here's my resignation  not just from the job;
But from this theatre of pretend promotions plus plastic praises
Do well to keep your blessings to yourself
This flower needs sun; not a corner of the shelf
No hard feelings; but I can’t water down my worth anymore
Somewhere out there
A room is waiting
Where the seat fits the spine of my purpose
And the applause won’t need subtitles

See, my new oga didn’t ask for my résumé first
They asked for my story
Said; “What have you built in the shadows
That deserves to touch morning?”
And for once… I didn't shrink
I spoke of nights where I typed dreams into silence
Of times I offered gold; and they printed it in another's ink
And instead of doubt; I saw nods
Not the kind that pities
But the kind that says...
“We’ve been waiting for someone like you”

Here  the room breathes different
The air doesn’t smell of fear or favourites
Here  progress wears no politics
And the meeting table ain’t just a stage for sycophants with good suits
Here  when I speak; I don’t echo
I resound

They said...
“We don’t need benchwarmers; we need playmakers
We don’t clap for status; we clap for substance”
And my fingers; once blistered from holding back brilliance...
Now type freely
No masks; no mirrors Just meaning

And it’s strange  how quickly I grew
Like potential isn’t dead
Just exiled in environments where ego reigns
Now I lead projects I once cleaned scraps from
Now my name is spelled right in success stories
Not hidden in footnotes behind plastic smiles

Sometimes; I sit at my desk and remember...
That old place
Where I was a ghost in glass offices
And I almost cry; not from pain
But from the audacity of hope that brought me here

Because sometimes; favour ain't a thing you beg for
It’s a room waiting on the other side of ‘enough is enough’
It’s the fruit that grows once you stop watering dead roots
It’s the light that lands not because you chased it
But because you finally stopped hiding your sun

This one’s for the ones who stay too long
Who shrink to fit desks that were never carved for their shoulders
Who laugh in meetings
but cry in restrooms
pocketing pride like loose coins they never get to spend
For those whose brilliance is buried
under piles of silence and “Yes sirs”
and “It’s not your turn yet”

This is for you
You; who were told to wait
wait behind politics
wait behind praise that was never yours
wait behind people who knew less but knew someone
You; who knew the codes...
but not the code words
Who did the work...
but weren’t in the pictures
Who trained your replacements
while holding back the resignation in your bones

You stayed
For stability
For hope
For the idea that maybe...
just maybe...
they’d see your worth
But truth is...
some rooms are blind
And no matter how brightly you burn
they’ll never stop adjusting the curtains

But hear this:
Your light is not wasted  it’s just misplaced
You weren’t born to flicker under fluorescent ceilings
You’re not a spare part in someone else's machine
You are blueprint
Backbone
Builder

And if they won't seat you at their table
then build your own
Even if it starts with a chair and conviction

Because here’s the secret...
Better doesn’t always come dressed in promises
Sometimes; it comes in quiet exits
In courageous leaps
In nights when you whisper to yourself
“I deserve more than this”
And mean it

So go where you're celebrated  not just tolerated
Where you’re not just part of the payroll...
but part of the purpose
Where your voice rings; not ricochets
Where “thank you” isn’t currency... it’s culture

And when you get there
don’t just sit
Shine
So the next tired soul watching you from afar
knows it’s possible to leave
and still bloom

The other day...
a brother of mine
the one who laughs with lightning in his chest
and walks like nothing in life could break him
was broken

He found his girl
wrapped in limbs that weren’t his
Another man’s scent
on skin he once swore smelled like forever

He was inconsolable
Reduced to a crying spectacle
The kind of grief that doesn’t scream
it folds
It trembles like something holy has just been undone

He said...
The street don’t smile; my G
Love is sweet
but only for a while
Till your girl decides to cheat

And I believed him...

Because his voice cracked
in the middle of the word “loyalty”
like it wasn’t made for this century

He said...
Staying faithful now...
is like wearing armor in a world that prays with bullets
I didn’t reply
I just let him bleed
through words shaped like warnings

But quietly
somewhere between his sobs
and his snot-stained truths
I whispered to myself

If I were to love
I don’t think I could heed his counsel

Because love
even when it’s foolish
is the only thing
that makes me feel less like a ghost

And the truth is...
I don’t trust myself
Not with love
Not with pain
Not with the strange echo between the two

So I sat there
patting his back with one hand
and hiding my own heartbreak with the other

Because maybe
just maybe
if I console him well enough
he might be the one
to console my sorry self when it’s my turn

And there will be a turn

There always is

They say men don’t cry...
but we do
In silence
In showers
In long late-night texts
we delete before sending

I told him...
You loved right
She cheated wrong
That doesn’t mean your heart was weak
It means it was real

And as I said it...
I wondered if I was lying
or just practicing
for when I’ll need to hear it too

But one thing I swore
If I love again
I'll love loud
I'll love honest
I'll love hard

But I will not love stupid

Because heartbreak has taught me this...
it’s okay to give your all
just make sure it’s to someone
who won’t trade it
for a stranger’s touch in the dark

So here's to loving wisely
not wildly
To trusting again
but never blindly

To knowing that sometimes
it’s not love that failed you...
it’s who you gave it to

I don’t think I have it in me again
To hand someone my heart
like a peace offering
only for them to treat it like a placeholder
until something better walks in

I don’t think I have it in me again
To soften my voice
to dim my truth
to rearrange myself just to fit inside someone else’s version
of love

I’ve sat in rooms where love sounded like promises
and felt like pressure
Where silence was punishment
and vulnerability was currency
they never planned to repay

You ever love so loud
your own soul went mute?

Well, I did

Gave someone the unfiltered version of me
the trembling hands
the past I don't speak of
the joy I stitched together with borrowed thread
and watched them leave
like it cost them nothing
to unlove me

So no
I don’t think I have it in me again

I’ve smiled in mirrors
I was too shattered to trust
held people close
who only came to collect
made excuses for red flags
because I’d rather bleed than be alone

I let people camp in my softness
and then got blamed
for the fire they started inside it

So now
if you whisper my name with longing
don't expect rose petals and candlelight
If your touch feels like possession
and your words sound like control
I'll leave before you even notice I'm gone

Because now I live in caution tape
and not everyone gets past the yellow lines

I don’t think I have it in me again

To explain why silence became my safe place
why I don’t cry in front of people anymore
why I ghost conversations
when they get too close to where it hurts

I don’t think I have it in me again
To gamble time
to risk my sanity
to hand someone the pen
and pray they don’t rewrite my story as tragedy

So if you want access
be earthquake-proof
Be sanctuary; not spectacle
Because if you say you love storms
you better know how to swim through the flood

I don't come in pieces anymore
I come as wreckage
as warning
as a survivor who’s not asking for rescue
but respect

And if you're not ready to hold space
for someone who's had to hold themselves
for far too long

Then leave the door closed

Because I don’t think I have it in me again
Not to fake smiles
Not to settle for half
Not to beg for the kind of love
I already gave to myself

I don't think I have it in me again
But if I do
you’ll have to earn it
with presence
with patience
with proof

I used to ask;
“How much did you miss me?”
like a child tugging at silence
hoping it might speak love in return
But your eyes always darted away
like the truth was too shy to show its face

Still; I waited
Waited to hear anything
even a lie dressed as affection
You could’ve said
"All the time"
and I would’ve built a home inside that fantasy

Now the room echoes
and I’m the only one listening to ghosts
Does your night flicker quietly...
with memories of the way we once were?
Do the jokes that once lit up your smile...
still ignite laughter or just smoke?

And when the world plays our old song
do you hum along  or skip the track?
Do the things that made you cry...
still pull at the same wound?
Do the things that made you smile...
feel smaller now; without me?

I wonder...
when you're caught off guard by a scent
a street name; or the tilt of a stranger’s head
do you think...
"That used to be us"
or do you think nothing at all?

Because I remember everything
the tone of your voice when it softened
the shape of your silence when it didn't
And though it sounds pathetic now
I would’ve swallowed every sweet untruth
if it meant feeling loved; even briefly

So tell me
did you miss me?
Your once favourite human
Or am I just a chapter...
you never bothered to finish reading?

Today
when my friends asked after you
I froze
not the kind of freeze that chills the skin
but the kind that paralyzes memory
I stared blank like a cursed cursor on an unsaved page
a heart buffering
because how do you respond to a question
that tastes like salt in an open wound

I thought to say you’re fine
that we talked last night
that you laughed the way you used to
like the moonlight wasn't so far out of reach
I thought to paint a picture that never existed
hold up my fantasy like a canvas in the Louvre of lies

But that would be a lie; wouldn’t it?
That would be me playing God with truth
molding fiction from the clay of my denial
That would be me feeding poison to my peace
me...
serving myself self-sabotage on a silver plate
as if my soul wasn’t already choking on unpaid debts
and unanswered prayers

So I said nothing
Nothing  because silence is safer than make-believe
Nothing  because I’d rather be empty
than full of stories I made up to stay afloat

And when they laughed
when they said
“C’mon bro; it ain’t that deep”
I looked them
dead in the eye and said...
Don’t ask me silly questions
Don’t ask me about ghosts I’m still haunted by
Don’t bring up her name like it’s not a spell
like it won’t summon all the soft places I bled in silence

Don’t ask me how she is
when I’m still figuring out how I am
without her

Because you see
you can’t ask the sun
how the eclipse feels

You can’t ask the wound
to describe the blade

And you can’t ask me
the boy she left behind
to tell you anything true
when I’m still trying to write the ending
in a language my heart doesn’t speak yet

So no;
don’t ask me if she’s fine
Don’t ask me if I’m okay
Don’t ask me anything that starts with “Did you two”
because we didn’t
We almost did
But almost never heals
Almost is the name of every poem I wrote for her
that never ended with “goodbye”

So I told them
don’t ask me silly questions
unless you’re ready for honest answers
wrapped in broken metaphors
and bleeding metaphysics

Because the only truth left between us
is the one I whisper in poems
that no one will ever read

I thought I was the closest
Not just near in distance...  I mean in essence
in meaning
The echo their soul called out
when silence grew loud
The secret they’d whisper
when the world turned too proud
The soft place... the hush
the first thought at dusk

The one they'd whisper to when the light's dimmed
Their confession booth when guilt got grim
Their calm before storms
Their safe before harm
Their anchor; their breath  not just a charm
I didn’t just guess this
They made it seem like scripture; written on skin

The voice they’d search for in chaos
The map to clarity when they got lost
The voice that threaded peace into panic;
Who'd speak light into their havoc;
Call their name and the world would slow
I was the calm within their undertow

The face that anchored their peace
Where they’d find laughter; where anxieties cease
The picture they’d hold when they closed their eyes;
The only truth beneath a thousand lies
I believed I was their favorite view;
Their mirror; their muse; their ever-true

A sacred name resting on the cushion of their heartbeat
Pronounced with softness; like a hymn incomplete
I swore I lived in the folds of their chest
Right between yesterday’s pain and tomorrow’s rest
I wasn’t just in love; I thought I was loved
An answered prayer; a gift sent from above

I thought I was it
Not a maybe; not a placeholder
Not just a name on a long list
But the name... the highlight... the gold ink on their wrist
And I wore that belief like a badge; so sure
Even framed my worth in how they adored

Not out of arrogance
Not vanity
But because love; when consistent... feels like clarity
And they were consistent  or so it seemed
Even silence between us felt like a dream
The quiet was warm; not distant or mean
I mean; how could I doubt what felt so serene

But out of how gently they laughed at my jokes
As if every punchline gave them hope
How they smiled before I even spoke
And waited; like I was always worth the quote
Out of how they lingered when they said my name
Like each syllable had its own flame

How they held my hand like the world might end if they let go
As if letting go meant losing the glow
As if I was both the moment and the memory
Both the journey and the remedy
I thought I was the sun in their orbit
And maybe I was
Until the shadow crept in and distorted it

So I made a home in their heart
Built it brick by brick; every word a part
Furnished it with trust
Hung paintings of moments
Framed laughter in the corners
Lit candles of atonement

But then...
There came a day
A ripple in the pattern
A crack in the clay
A small shift  like a cough in a quiet theatre
Something out of place
Like a voice breaking in a prayer

An emergency
A silence
A crossroad
A dance with absence no one foretold
And in the middle of their storm
When lightning struck; and winds took form
They reached for someone else

Not me
Not the hand they once claimed to need
Not the voice that calmed them in grief
Not the warmth they called home
Not the arms they used to run toward when cold
No  not me
Not the version I swore was gold

They told the news to someone else first
They let them hear the tremble; the burst
They cried in someone else’s arms
They curled up in a different calm
They needed warmth
and mine wasn’t the fire they sought

That’s when I learned
Love can be loud and still lie
It can shine like a sun before it says goodbye
Spotlights lie
They burn bright and blind
Until you can't see you're not centerstage at all

I thought I was the dearest
But I was just there
Not the safe place
Not the sanctuary
Just; background comfort
The one you forget when your real one's back
A season; A chapter; A scenic track
And it took all of me not to scream into the sky
"Was it all pretence? Was I just nearby?"

I smiled through the fracture
Held back the flood
Walked through the ruins wearing their love like mud
Swallowed the lesson like bitter medicine
Sometimes; the one you’d leap for
Wouldn’t even call your name in the fall

And that’s the cruelty of assumption
To believe you're their person
Only to learn
You're just a person