I am fragile
A piece of glass under pressure
But do not mistake my pain for beauty
There is nothing beautiful about this
Flowers are beautiful
Sunsets are beautiful
Crying yourself to sleep is not
Cutting just to feel alive is not beautiful
Not wanting to feel alive is not beautiful
Throwing up pills because you changed your mind is not beautiful either
I am withering away
Losing to the demons in my mind
In a world devoid of sunshine
Or flowers
And don’t you dare romanticize this
I don’t want this promoted
I want this defeated
And I will never recover when I am told
The only beautiful thing about me
Is the disease that is killing me

The first day of summer was two days ago
The air was hot and the pool water was cool
Yet as I heard my friends scream gleefully
I was locked in the bathroom
Crying and alone
I’m so uncomfortable in my own skin that I slice it open
My ***** secret
My guilty pleasure
And it was supposed to remain a secret
Each scar a tally mark for times loneliness chokes me
Each line drawn methodically
My forearms are a canvas for self destruction
I broke down again last night
Voices in my head screaming
Urges I cannot control
Until I see red dripping out of my skin
My pain manifests itself in these moments
I cannot take it for much longer

The ocean is the most powerful force on earth
It is calm yet furious
Fierce yet gentle
It can separate nations
But provides a path between them
But behind this power
The ocean is lonely
Isolated
Abandoned
It is rare for people to love an ocean
Because an ocean is dangerous
Capable of the worst kind of destruction
It lures you in
Waves call to you
The ocean seems authentic
But underneath its facade lies another truth
A current boiling
Stirring
Crying
Pushing people away as soon as they are pulled in
It knows of its power
It know of its danger
Yet still cannot grasp
Its beauty