Entrance, beautifully passionate dance
Your radiant light, chords take flight
Explore in your tangling wilderness
Call out if it were your show
Grow in your brilliant glow.

- Jay M
October 14th, 2022

Trapped
Within the confines of your own mind
Unable to escape
The prison cell it has become

Calling;
"Please, don't leave me!"

Yet
None can hear
These cries for help
And none are registered
For you wear a mask
Of flesh

"Hopeless..."
Comes a whisper
"You are hopeless..."

You can't take back
What is in the past

I'd love to leave it all behind
But I can't let it go
Lie to myself
How could I?

Forever afraid
Of being loved

Put the bottle down
I tell myself
Again and again
For the 100th time
It seems...

I do anything
Just to feel
Alive

I look the same
But I'm not fine
No matter what I told you
I am;
Broken
Bleeding
Lost and defeated

I am merciless
To myself
Merciful
To all else

I am just another casualty

When they least expect it
It will strike
Taking a hit
Shooting me down

This is me;
The monster
Revealed
Right before your eyes

What do you think of me now?

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019

Wooden door, wooden door
I shall enter you evermore
With weary feet or woeful mind
Your locks never hard to find
Opened by many keys, over many years
Mine of gleaming crimson red

Beyond the threshold
Into the depths of my despair
Washing over like an intoxicating wave
Slowly yet ever so surely
Knowing this is their sacred lair
Since I was but a young child
Seven years in this dismal house
Break a mirror, and of course
Hope the misfortune would be gone
Faded after seven years

But is it so,
That the misfortune had anywhere
Anywhere else to go than here?
As I pace these bleak halls
Of blank white and dust
Floor creaking upon uncertain steps
Sounds surely to fall upon
Overly critical ears
Wooden door, wooden door,
I shall pass through you evermore
Many times you’ve been slammed
Other times sheltering the world
From wars of words, of hatred
Fear and violence echo here,
Echo in the still of night
In the near silence of their slumber
But I do not sleep, I cannot dare
I lay awake, night after night
Dreamer am I, shall I always be
Grant me freedom, wooden door
Grant it to me in due time,
Oh wooden door,
Grant it to me evermore.

- Jay Martinez
September 12th, 2022

Haunting, echoing
With every time that I
Close my searching eyes
It's colorful as fireworks
Some darkness, but beautiful
Something wild and wonderful

Every time I close my eyes
It's a calm curiosity
Cold hardwood floors
Warm embraces and
Familiar faces

Every time I close my eyes
It's a grand vastness,
A strange madness
Floating in the expanse
Drifting in the space between

Every time I close my eyes
I am neither here, nor there
Neither then, nor now
Perhaps now and then
When they open, I see
A beam, a ray of light
Guiding me from the endless
Endless nightmare of reality
Leading me away, far away
To where I do not know

Every time I close my eyes
I hope, wish, dream
To open them and be
Gone, gone away from here
In a place where perhaps,
Just maybe, I may belong

Every time I close my eyes
I am, for but a moment,
Gone, lost, disconnected
I have escaped, disappeared
Gone away, vanished
To a place unknown,
To lands uncharted
Besides by the poor
Lone cartographer
Exploring my mind
Ever so curious
As to just what
They may
Find.

- Jay M
June 7th, 2022

Burning heat
Skin dry and cracking
Clinging with sweat and exhaustion
An itch that just cannot be scratched
Only to increase tenfold
Put the misery in bold

Warm faces to greet
Blistered and well worn
Move along before they change
Easily irritated in the scorching sun

Passing along a busy street
A sea of unknown madness
Perhaps joy, perhaps woe
None shall surely know

A cacophony of voices and feet
Thundering and shrieking out
Like drums and warped winds
The orchestra of the apocalypse

To fade into a coffee shop seat
Settle into a greatly soothing chair
Rest the ever aching arches
Shelter the running mind

Drown it out with a playlist on repeat
Disappear from what remains
Of the world gone mad
Ease the daily pains

- Jay M
June 21st, 2021

Wooden door, wooden door
I shall enter you evermore
With my feet or with my mind
Your locks are never hard to find
Opened by many keys, over many years
Mine of gleaming crimson red

Past the threshold
And into the depths of my despair
Washing over like a poor wave
Slowly yet ever so surely
Knowing this is the sacred lair
Since I was but a young child
Seven years in this house
Break a mirror, and of course
The misfortune would be gone
Gone after seven years

But is it so,
That the misfortune had anywhere
Anywhere else to go than here?
As I pace these bleak halls
Of blank white and dust
Floor creaking upon uncertain steps
Sounds surely to fall upon
Overly critical ears
Wooden door, wooden door,
I shall pass through you evermore
Many times you’ve been slammed
Other times sheltering the world
From wars of words and hatred
Fear and violence echo here
Echo in the still of the night
In the near silence of their slumber
But I do not sleep, no I don’t dare
I lay awake, night after night
Dreamer am I, shall I always be
Grant me freedom, wooden door
Grant it to me in due time,
Oh wooden door.

- Jay M
May 10th, 2022

1

Thoughts, dreams;
All seem so real
Yet reality
Seems false

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

~

#2

Forced down
So deep
Far beneath the surface
Writhing in agony

Days dragged out
Made eternities
Stretching my torture
Far beyond the breaking point.

- Jay M
May 6th, 2019

~

#3

Failure;
We don't deserve happiness
Not a drop
Not an atomic second

Reminded;
What you love most
What you raised
Will go
If you don't stop fighting.

-  Jay M
May 6th, 2019

Crying in the night,
Mother, uncertain of what to do,
Tried so many ways to hush her,
Yet she cries in her arms.

Taking her outside,
Under the star light,
In the moonlight,
The beauty it is,
Soothing the child,
The cries slowly stop,
Giving way to slow, sleeping breaths.

Years later, the child is restless,
Sitting in bed, unable to sleep,
Finally getting up, and going to the window,
Looking out to the moon,
Giving her that soothing feeling,
As the many times before,
Yet a bit of energy,
Some sort of comfort,
So strange, yet familiar...

Night falls again,
The child is older,
Senses the connection,
Goes into its light,
Basking in it as the moments go on.

Found, she is brought in,
Puzzled, the mother asks why.
The answer comes,
Easily, like breathing;

"It comforts me,
It soothes my soul,
It connects somehow,
So familiar,
Yet so...different."

Realization, though not entirely,
The mother brings her in,
Seats her, and holds the child in her arms.

"Not even I understand,"
She admits,
"But it soothes me too."

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019

If you wish
For the truth
Without a filter,
Without a coat of sugar
Straight to the bitter core
Ask, and you shall know
You shall finally see
All that which is
That lies here
Awaiting
Those
Eyes

- Jay M
May 17th, 2022

I tried
So hard
To be where you are
Dancing with the stars
Yet
I only made it as far as the mountain top
Unable to take my feet off of the ground
Tethered to it
By countless lines
Invisible to your blissful sight
For you are dancing with the stars
Twisting, laughing among them,
Whilst I am twisting,
Crying alone
Yearning to be by your side
And say
I am here, too
So don't you ever cry alone
Friend
I hear you cry
The tears of an angel

As you frolic
With the others
Just please
Remember me..
Just once
Where you embrace me
Without me saying a word
Would be enough
To make my heart soar
Brighten my day

I know
This isn't right
But I can't help it
Begging you
Because I feel like I'm losing you
To everyone else
And it scares me..

When I pass by
Will I get so much as a "Hi!"?
Even that would be enough
It would be enough

I'm waiting here
For you
Again
Hoping you see me
From over there
Across the room
Laughing with them..

How badly I wish I were one of them
How desperately I wish I could change the past
Alas
I cannot
For it is too far gone
And no matter what I say
No matter what I do
It'll never be enough
And I know that
But please
Forgive me...
Friend, forgive me...

I never meant to hurt you
I just didn't know what to do
You were so easy to talk to
So kind, and understanding
I didn't realize it then
But I was killing you
Burdening you
And what now?

So many times
I've tried to apologize
But nothing
Nothing
Can make up for my mistakes
So instead
Of falling over myself in guilt
I just ask this,
In all seriousness,
Not a shallow answer,
But truly...
Do you forgive me?

I only want to see you smile
Carefree, and happy
Not weighed down by anything
And if you are
I am beside you
In spirit
So just seek me out
Give me a call
I will come
Ready to listen
To help, if you want me to
All you need to do
Is ask me
And I will come

Trust me
Is all I ask
Because I'll be there
Whenever you call me
Just say my name
And I'm on my way
No matter how far away
If you need me
I will come
Bounding through the thickets
To you

Anything
To be back to the way it was
Before

Laughing, smiling,
Seated side by side
Like we ought to be
Once again

- Jay M
June 23rd, 2019

In all fairness, who is truly whole?

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022

Pressure from those around
That which surrounds
Words fester, linger, poison
Persuade a confused mind
Whisper their insecurities
Their misgivings, their way
Their sway and hold,
Truly a sight to behold

It leaks, it burns
It poisons, it taints
Happiness to bitter
Joy to sorrow
Laughter to cries
Wailing like banshees
Foretelling destruction
Corruption of bliss

Leave me be,
Let me sleep,
Let me sit and weep
Let the memories creep
Let me be alone
Just let me isolate
Let me be
Just let me be

Hidden away from the world
From the people and their words
Their tongues that drip poison
Their voices that speak
Persuade like siren song
Bullets ricochet, songs play
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
Sing to me as I sit and weep
Lull me into sleep, take me
Take me away from here,
From this bitter reality
Into the land of dreams
My own little wonderland

- Jay M
August 14th, 2022