Losing, torture, death, these thing I’m afraid of
Power, strength, ecstasy, I try to attain
Love, ***, pleasure, I always look for it
Jealousy, people, life, I just can’t take it
Family, friends, partners, I lost so many
Trust, secrets, affinity, I will take it for granted
I go through all these emotion. I sometime feel so weak.
I sometimes feel so strong. Being human is sometimes hard but what else can I be?

I am sitting in my studio
trying to get to you.
Gazing at smoke
drift off this beautiful ember
All
the way up
to the ceiling
slowly
filling the room
Hitting this without you,is just not as exciting
I guess
I
hit
myself
beat
myself
to this high point
to this fluffy cloud
All though
all alone
I am content  
slowly drifting
away.
To a place
No one can tell me negative things
if they did
I probably
would not care
   My mind
uncontrollably goes
to this wonder place
you know,
that place
where any idea is cool
and everything is,
you know
positive.
But
Lighting my bowl
flashes me back
to that moment
you know,
the reality
that you are not here
simply, cause
you do not want to be.
Quickly
pulling myself back
to a positive thought
I start to tell myself
what you have done is really no big deal,
and how you make me
smile.
I grin.
You know that cloud
I zooted myself to,
the figment
that I created
I fell from it
I fell so hard
I have no idea what I could be feeling

feeling?

Feelings,

As crushing as it has been throughout the years
I have never been ashamed of these feelings I have for you,
that I just simply can not explain,
why?

I understand,
you do not believe
these feelings,
at times
I do not even believe these
things
to be mine,
someone must of put them here,
maybe you did before you left.
Regardless
I can not believe
how consistent they are
how selfless they are
how unchangeable they are
cause
of
how
you
are.

~~~~~~~~

How you were unaffected
by my feelings
I hesitantly
showed you.
There was
no reciprocation
of your feelings cause,
you could not even feel for yourself.
But
without words spoken
I knew
there was feelings there
that you denied
Cause
what was there within us
vibrating back and forth
was so potent
so vibrant
so tangible
it could only have been denied status
but
could not help, but to have been seen.