And here I thought you were a man
But you ran away
When the truth came out
You're just a boy

So how is it that I feel shame
When you played with me
Like a toy

But honey you're just a boy

Okay, so maybe I haven't showered since Monday,
way behind on ALL of my assignments, didn't even finish half of my essay which is due in 17 minutes
BUT
I still got out of bed
I wrote the outline for the paper
I saved two honey bees with paper and a Starbucks cup
that's something.
It barely counts as functioning, but it kind of does.
I am trying

I am breathing

I am doing the best I can

And that has to be enough, it has to be enough for today. Because right now that kind of all Ive got. Oh geez 14 minutes, to be honest I am kind of panicking.... She gonna go over my essay and be disappointed, I want to run. I cant run, if I run then I get another zero. If I get another zero- Okay okay. Stop! Breathe, good. Youre spiraling more than if you give a mouse a cookie. What is your life now "If you give Carissa a 0,"? Deep breaths me, deeeeeep breaths.  

See now I am trying REALLY hard not to spiral and all of these random anxieties are flitting through my head and everytime I go for one I let go of another. 10 minutes


10 minutes
whoooh boi
I am not ready

She's a teenage tragedy
With scars that will never fade away
She's no longer in a cage
She has severed her life line
She wont need your shoulder anymore
Her tears have stopped falling
Your heart feels sore
She gave you all these fears,
The day her life ceased

Food in a box
Plastic wrapped
Safe
locked away
Salty
or
Sweet
or
Spicy

I tried to make a salad
what's hiding between the leaves
               Bugs?
Creeping and crawling
               Eggs?
waiting to hatch inside my stomach?
Something sinister is lurking behind the crevices
I dump the bowl into the garbage
I wrap the head in two plastic bags