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 Jan 23 Mariya
Em MacKenzie
I’ve heard it takes a lifetime to live a minute
and it takes a minute to live a lifetime.
You don’t know what you’re in until you’re in it,
and you don’t see the sun until the sunshine.
So I’ll resign to waiting in line,
wasting my time, and losing my mind.

I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be surprised if I retreat.
I’d rather face the music then face the heat,
rather ******* tears as they’re sweet;
as sweet as sweet defeat.

It takes only a second to start a war,
and then naturally all hell breaks loose.
Do you know which side you’re fighting for?
Did you even get to choose?
So I’ll resign to the front line,
biding my time searching for a land mine.

I know when I’ve been beat
so don’t be shocked if I move my feet
to find cover from the fire on the street.
At long last the circle is complete
and it’s as sweet as sweet defeat.

“I’ll get you and your little dog too”
it’s all I’m hearing, and it’s ringing true,
along with “what’s a poor boy to do?”
“You have a choice: red or blue”
do you dare turn reality askew?
Or take your chances and wait for lieu?

I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be worried if I take a seat.
I can’t win the battle and I won’t cheat,
I’ll be lamb to slaughter; made to meat
and I’ll taste as sweet as sweet defeat.
The white flag is stained and ripped.
I can feel the rough rope
Gently caressing my neck
Embracing it like an old friend
I'm not afraid, I'm just tired
So very tired of everything

So I take a deep breath, 1, 2, 3...
And in a passionless swift move
I kick the bench under my feet
Dance in the air for a little while
Until I finally find my peace
Note 1: this poem was reported and taken out of HP. After a review, it went back on (gladly Eliot York has more sense than the one who flagged it).
Note 2: if you're having this kind of thoughts, please, talk about it. Seek help!
Original note: Another nightmare I had last week. Woke up sweating and frantically kicking the air.
It's not like suicide is a new thing to me - I attempted it when I was 15... but I haven't had suicidal thoughts in many years. And that's as scary as it gets. I don't wanna give in to them.
Gazes magnetically meet
Across the crowded room
A slight touch of hands as we
Pass through the hallway
I steal a kiss when
No one's around

P.s. no one can know
About a girl I hurt a lifetime ago...
My friends used
To always be around
Good times, bad times
It didn't really matter
Every day was a new
Exciting adventure

Fast forward 10 years
Our group is scattered
All over the world and
We've become merely
Memoirs to reminisce
On my insomnia nights
Realized I don't have any friend left. Did my depression took the best of me? Did I become that dull? Or that's just how being a grown up supposed to be? I really couldn't say...
I never felt more alone.
Today I took
The long way home
Added a few extra miles
To my beat up VW while
Listening to some oldies
And watching the sun rays
Gently finding their way
Through the trees before
Fading in the horizon

Today I took
The time to see past the
Darkness I was plunged in
To appreciate there's beauty
In the perpetual changes of life
For most things might never
Be as they once were
But what matters
Will remain...
Almost forgot how beautiful life can be...
 Jan 1 Mariya
Pax
From all these years questioning why I am alone?  Now I can simply answer, it was a choice I made that never made sense since until I see I was behind all closed doors.
Happy new year my feelings and friends here....
Stay happy even alone...
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