I can see your eyes
Tearing up with dust
You've triped from grace far too many times
The rest of you
Has fallen Though the floor
Your finger nails clinging onto old accolades and awards
As your feet lay under floorboards

Soon is the time
We'll have to say our final goodbyes
Just another mear chapter in life
But I've written down and memorised mortal moments we shared
Immortalised and sealed
To be posted down the line
I know you never got to greet with smiles
But my sister, Your granddaughter
Is expecting her first child
Soon is the time
I'll have to say my first hello
Just another mear sign of time passing by

I've become a coroner and my bed's become a casket
I've got myself nailed in for a long stay inside my head
I've realised I'm the only one mourning
And for flowers to bloom upon my grave
I need to cremate this self pitty

I've got a house  
Full of broken parts
And the lights don't work
So we'll sit in the dark
Build a tower to find a signal
for this old TV
But believe me
this is the happiest I've ever been
Cuddle up on the sofa
That's older
Than the years I've had
I'll open the door to the delivery man
Feel the cold winter air through my spooky pajama pants
I'll bring the covers down
Feel your cold hands upon my knee
But believe me
this is the warmest I've ever been

The teeth inside my head
Swollowed
And overdosed on doubt
Clamping my jaw shut
The only thing that poured out
Was oxygen
Escaping my lungs
Adding fuel
To a already bitter furnace
Inflating a over indulged balloon
Ready to expload

I walked all the way from the other room
To show my motivation isn't breaking
With words you need to consume
Promise to regurgitate and keep passing them on
Remember there's never a step too small
When you feel anchored down
And trapped behind walls
The use of "all the way" makes it seem like miles
The truth is
It was only a few feet of tiles
This rooms got better connection
And this is the only time I don't struggle to connect

I watch your razor blade float across the water
With the scissors resting on the faucet
But the only thing that cuts deep
Are the thoughts in my head that never leave
I lay dorment til the water gets cold, sometimes fall asleep because I normally don't
Some of my best works have been scribbled down on wet sheets
I used to try wash everything away
Wishing it went down the drain like water
But now all I need is a pen and a few sheets
And I'll feel cleansed again

The space imbetween when we're cuddling tightly
Is far too much
How do you think the distance effects us?

I'll hold your hand down the rabbit hole
I'm considerate like that
Or maybe just crazy
My fragile minds nieve
To the devil behind my own eyes
I'll forever hold onto last autumn and all the things we shared in common
I'm everything your parents warned you about
From the sins under my soles to the air in my head
Take me back
Take me back to wonderland

sat with hands clenched
Praying ghost will haunt these halls
Hoping that my door will creak open or maybe you'll even call and my chest will once again  become a pillow for your head
Did you find the  words at the bottom of a bottle
Or from the pile you left on the floor
Let's play a game of Scrabble so you can try string together a word that means anything at all
I'm not one for childish games
But I've grown up with people drinking far too much
Liquid courage always helped
Ignite the words they'd never of said
Take a shot or maybe even two
A small reminder of all the bullets I took for you
I left you a note on the table on the back of a wine bottle label
Which tells you why I'm unable to be here when you wake

Of all the words I struggle to say
There was only three
Where I went all in
And risked it all
They found refuge
In my cheek
So I stumble when I speak
But they couldn't resist
When you moved In for a kiss
The words got cancelled out
When they eventually fell from my mouth
By the redness in my cheeks
And my heartbeat
My chest became a pillow once again  

I hope you find comfort in my jumpers
When I can't be there.

If all the emotions and feelings I create
Can be represented by colours
When all the paint
Runs away from this A4 slate
I should be left with Gold
Because my mind has been set
And I don't plan to settle for anything less

Soon it'll be easier
And the tide will pull me in
Retracting me from your shore
Wiping away memories set in sand
Every kingdom must fall even though they take so long to build
Etiquette and mannerisms lost over night
I wish I was built of sterna stuff
Because not coming back is the hardest thing I've ever known
Knowing that we keep changing our mind
Everything my hand breaches the surface
Or everytime I open my eyes wishing you where here
Scrambling for rocks and relic's and any fragment of time
But I know it's better to let These things die
Something new can be built from the ruins.

Imagine being blind
And someone comes along into your life and fills all the categories you've been lacking
For you to one day gain the miracle of sight
And no longer love that person
Because what you see with your eyes
A  mere reflection of light
Blinded from what's on the inside

A man walks into a hospital....
They watch him die
Because he can't pay the price

I spoke until my throat was sore
Because the list of things I adored about you contained far too many Rs and Ls
My lisp stopped the smooth delivery I'd pictured in my head
Now choking in fear
The stumble shook my confidence  
Like a school boy giving a presentation in front of class
I waited patiently to be graded
Hoping your response was the one I wanted
I didn't want to get into a prestigious school
I just wanted to be with some one has prestigious as you

I've made myself remember
My summer's were better than they were
But I've been unwell through all four seasons
Nothing changed in the warmth
The same fluoxetine dose
The same minimum hours of sleep
And a notion drilled into me
That this is a happy place to be.

I'd write you a poem but I don't think the words I conjure would do you any justice
So I'll send you "a good morning"  before I sleep
Just so you don't wake to nothing.

I've got your name of a calendar full of vacant days
I swear to god they say it should get easier
Everytime the distance pulls you away
But I still get a persistent pain
Everytime the train leaves the station
And you're on your way to that place you call home
We fall asleep Evey night on the phone
But we wake alone
Hoping we can hold this relationship together
Tested by distance

I held reasons in my lungs
that needed birth, tears in a pillow case that needed to be heard
But engulfed by  medicine
That I was told would help
Things not get any worse
My emotions were dulled
Every four to eight hours
But the reason I was here
Was because I couldn't express the feelings that made me want to leave

I have the same wish for you
As I do the snow
That you won't settle
And you'll go
Exactly where your heart yearns
That place that feels closest to home
Melt through the surface
Right to the core
And find that inner warmth
Hot fire's and Coco galore

I've been selfishly wanting you to call
Haunted by the phantom of my phone tone in the halls everytime I have a shower
But Rushing out to no missed calls

I'm scared now
it'll always be the same
We'll lie about forever
argue and refuse to take blame
6 months of medicore happiness for it all end same
And six months more to make sure it cut the right vain
Two halfs of my heart lie on the bedroom floor
One half to be taken and the other half yearning to be complete once more

Everytime I picked up a pen I felt progress
And everytime it touched paper the weight of my world had been lifted
Always drawn back to the top of my snare drum
Where I wrote most of my art
Resting on a A4 note pad, trying to figure out the best way to express both my head and my heart
They've always been so far apart
Tuned to different frequencies
But I'll try my best to broadcast both parts

These tears are a minor leak
I felt overfilled like the bathtub
With the drain as it's only release Still plugged up but some droplets found a dramatic way to make a exit
My blood pours faster, it doesn't wait for doors to open up, just the slightest break in skin
Cuts under sleeves are easier to hide than red eyes
I want to scream
But this is all I've got right now
This is all that remains of the flood
I used my emotions to channel this

I do sincerely believe the words I write in the moment's I write them
But sometimes the weight capsizes the boat sending me off course
To a destination unplanned
But the original idea isn't lost
If you push through the woods
Cut through vines and shrubbery to the better ending
Or leave a trail behind to help the next adventures find there path.

January again
And I'm already counting down the days til the next one
Already made enough mistakes in a matter of days
Febuary I'm so done with the rain and the  pattering on the window pain
It's march again
Another year older but I feel more or less the same and not much wiser
Continuing counting down the days
Maybe I'll learn a lesson or two along the way
And learn to line what I think and what I say
April,May
There's nothing much to say just a reminder of the wasted days and praying next year won't turn out the same
June, July
Summer time
I'll just watch and wait inside
November  in sight
Just more sitting and waiting inside
I missed my bus but you know how I get when I write loose all concept of time
December is here met by a cheer
This year it might turn out alright

You're always growing and getting strong
But you need to let it out if something's going wrong
Don't be rooted down by problems

If you ever have the audacity to feel worthless
I know things didn't quite work for us
But remember the purpose that I wrote this
To remind you that you're beautiful
And I know there's not much to my life right now
Other than living in clouds and looking down
Trying to bargain your value while I don't even know my own
Why should you take the time to read a single line?
A poem I wrote in just fragments of my spare time
Because every second is priceless
But it'll always be worthwhile to try make you smile
And Every second I took to write this I was thinking of you

Death is needed so we can have life
Fear is needed so we can overcome and strive
There's no going under
These no going around
No corners to cut can be found
Take it in your stride
Go right down the middle
Don't hide or shy away
From the risks you after take
Smash through the cracks in the divide
And master the power you have inside to take control of your own life
You was born to do this

It's painful to read lines
That once meant so much
But now mean nothing at all

I'm in that headspace
Where everything I say
Gets written down
And maybe
Just maybe one day
In time
These words will form a short sentence or rhyme.

The place I go when I'm sleeping
Is right back to the hotel room
Where this all started
Because
You were once a dream
That occupied my consious state
I didn't sleep a wink the first time we shared a bed  
And now you're only here when I sleep
I wake violently to empty sheets
And I always wonder if you ever think of me
I slept an entire twelve hours today and I still ail the kinda tired sleep can't cure

Holding time so tightly
With you in one hand
Hoping that it might stop
Giving me the chance
To align the words I struggle to find
Time after time trying to make the perfect line
Something so much sweeter than I love you
If we don't sleep tonight maybe tomorrow won't happen
And the train's won't take you  away

If you were the tide
And I was the sand
I'd pray for you upon these shores  
To build a castle
That we could call home
And when you decline
My love won't be following far behind

I express my moods with weather types
And my growth through nature
Because I guess we're all clinging onto the sun's
Warmth and better days
Spent finding ourselves
Filled with good health
Long socks and shorts
Pop punk anthems and talks
About how we'll be better off next year
It comes around so quickly
And I'm still mocked by my evergreen for being under the weather

Peace isn't all its cracked up to be
Maybe we're peaceful and that's why nothings getting done
Just a pile of cards in order
Ready to be played
Terror is fed from the hand it was delt
And the dealer made a choice for  all of us
Maybe he was counting cards

I could forge lies with my tongue
But you wouldn't fall for none of them
You could see the gaps in my stories
And the truth in my eyes
So believe me when I say
Things can only become better with time

On one hand
It's one of those days
I fail to string a sentence together
But on the other
I'll form a line
And hang this old birthday banner
And celebrate
The day my head is silent

You're my graveyard
A safe place to rest
Where I never feel alone

I always doubt
What remains on the page
When the rest has been crossed out
I wish you could see
What didn't make the final cut
Believe me
Someone
May fall in love

My work doesn't reflect a picture of me
It's more like a family photo you don't want to see
Shown by a aunty in pretence to remember how it used to be
And you look at yourself and see the struggle to express
From the way that you dress
And that fake smile
You've held for which seems like a awfully long while
They can't contemplate how the image the camera makes fails to translate the frown that you've Hidden away

I still see the Sharp reminder gracing my floor
Of where I hurt myself
Chasing you all those times you walked out the door
I should have just let you go right out of my life
After all the times you said you didn't love me
But when I found strength to give up
You came back pleading with me to give more

If I just lay in the snow
Will it take long to die?
That's what I hoped when I thought about it one time

No one's at the top of the pile
And no one's on the bottom
We should float with each others support
If one link breaks
We should build back up together

Being with you is a dream leading to a nightmare
Everytime you have to leave
I don't know if it's getting easier or harder

Do my ramblings in the form of poems sound like a mad man with fantasy's of love?
I've been saying your name in my sleep
I've been told by People I won't remember next week
I didn't even catch there name

A safe place I made
Was a place where I could rest my head
And watch repeats of old TV shows from my bed
But quickly that dream became stale
Instead of escaping through vents
Dark thoughts circled my head  searching for a release
Soon what I loved was no longer my friend

Find somebody with the same gravitational pull
Because you're my world
And I want to get lost revolving around you

Riding around on a rusty child sized bike far too small for my frame
Recapturing youth in a well kept playing abandoned in the middle of the day
Spinning you around on a roundabout too heavy for my weight
Wishing I could hold you on my shoulders at a gig some day
But I'm far too weak for that
We only made it half way to the castle that night
Traded bricks and ruines for climbing frames
I remember your chocolate melting in my pocket
Like my heart was for you
How can this make you happy?