It started out as just a hug and grew into a kiss,
A friendship that had blossomed up to more than I could wish.
You are my shining star at night; you help me find my way.
You are my inspiration directing me each day.
See, when I fall and need a hand, you always pick me up,
And when I cry and need a friend, you're there no matter what.
I wish I were just like you: strong-hearted, brave, and sweet.
I'm glad I have a friend like you to make my life complete.
You're a very special person.
I'm glad that you're my friend,
For when I need a little advice,
You always have some to lend.
You help me when I am troubled,
Feeling down and out-
I never have to say what's wrong.
You seem to know what I'm all about.
I can always tell you my feelings
Without having you put me down.
You're the person I can turn to
When no one else is around.
I can cry on your shoulder
When things are going wrong.
You give me a smile
And help me to be strong.
You seem to understand me.
After all that we've gone through,
I only have one thing to say...
Thanks for being YOU
I don't know how to say this,
but I thank you very much
for always being there for me,
your gentle, friendly touch.
Thank you.
You helped me to get better
and stop what I regret.
You helped me through the hard times
that I can't forget.
Thank you.
You listened to my problems
in a kind and caring way,
and without you,
I may not be smiling today.
Thank you.
I trust you with my secrets
that no one has been told.
I trust you with my feelings, and I'll remember your words
until I'm grey and old.
Thank you

I loved you. Oh God, did I ever love you.

And the worst part is that you never knew. And you will never know.

When we met, the idea of how tremendous an impact you would have never crossed my mind. You were just a friend of the girls I was friends with, and I knew they adored you. So, on that crisp October day after I nonchalantly added you on Facebook, and after you private messaged me swiftly following said request, I allowed myself to adore you. Without hesitation or a second thought.

We both knew what we were getting into. And now after 3 months later, I’m sitting here writing this because I failed—the inevitable price of taking a leap of faith. It’s been a 5 1/2 days since our lips last touch  I knew something was already up, after 3 days I had 4 text  an one phone call that whole time then u send me a video  in this video  I saw my heart drop out your hand and on your floor board , my stomach and heart sank.
I wish I hadn’t begged you. I wish I had perfectly re-enacted the breakup I imagined in my head (itself a huge red flag). I wanted to be graceful; you would tell me it was over and I’d nod my head and smile and tell you “OK.” But breakups and emotions are unpredictable. So I begged. Over and over. The proud lioness cried into your chest, and I felt your heavy tears land on my head.
I shut the world out that night and  I promised myself that I’d allow myself to grieve and move on as quickly as I could. But that didn’t happen. I messaged you a few hours and begged you again for a second chance. But I still haven’t heard from you.
A small candle burns bright with false hope, but I can’t keep feeding the hope that you will return. So I’m here to say: that’s it. Enough. No more.
“Maybe one day,” a mutual friend said. Maybe it won’t work out now, but in the future, when we’re in better places and are better for each other. But I won’t hold my breath.So if you’re reading this, please know that I will be OK. I hope, if our stars ever align again, that we meet in the highest of spirits and that we can hear each other laugh again, because to me, you have and always will be worth it.

trying to escape, tried so many different ways
yet still, minute by minute, day by day
stuck in my anxieties, have thoughts
yet nothing to say

damage has been done that i cant reverse
this anxiety is more than a problem, its a curse
always worried not to upset or say something wrong
always uncomfortable, not one tamed thought
the edge is always near, always on guard
knowing normality is to far

watching the laughter and fun but never truly involved
as soon as i start its like my mind has a wall
all negatives come flooding threw taking my air flow
in and out my anxieties grow
what are they thinking? what do i do?
Am i fitting in? not knowing how to be me, true

some days i think i am changing, getting better
being louder, more thoughts being said. Not so tender
one person, one thing can bring me right back
its like i was seeing then lost the track
like i was running, now i am just in place
i was winning, then slowing down, lost the race
the light at the end of the tunnel was so bright
everything was feeling good, i was feeling right

then the clouds cover me, swallow me inside
there i sit, looking down on what i could be
that rain you feel, tears to all my cries
crying out for someone, something to save me from all these edges
loud in my head yet quiet to the ears of all present

PLife is like a bullet it goes by so fast here today and gone tomorrow.
There's so much I wish I could change if the past would come back around for just one day.
I would leave this letter for my younger self then maybe I wouldn't regret the choices I made.

Dear Younger Me,
There's so much I want to say like slow down enjoy each day.
Don't take the one's closes to you for granted there will come a day when they will go away.
Live hard love even harder keep your loved one's close and never let anger get in the way.
Enjoy the little things even the sunrise that wakes you up for school every morning.
Don't try to grow up fast because one day you will be 32 and not even recognize your own face.
Losing your loved ones to old age it's no fun being alone when your old and grey.
So heed my warnings life is not something you can replace you get one chance so make it count each day part

My mind racing in confusion,
so scared to speak a word.
My mouth starts to move,
but a word was unheard.
My heart racing so fast,
love comes to mind,
tears in my heart
that couldn't begin to speak the pain,
but every time I see you,
I remember that sweet kiss you put upon my face.
A love that never begins to fade away
'cause my heart calls out your name,
repeating the pain I caused you every day,
but my desire is to love you - til death do us part,
but that same question still remains in my heart.
Even though you are gone, I can't let you go.
I have so many things I want to prove to you.
I'm not trying to hide myself in tears,
but I only had a glimpse of what we could be
I'm sorry I didn't show you my love,
but I'm not ready to travel or give up.
I need you by my side
so you again can be mine.
I want you to grow old along with me;
the best is yet to be,
so bless the memories within your heart.
Please don't forget about them and tear them apart.I'm sorry I hurt you; I know now I was wrong,Saying you loved me, with that look in your eye.
I wish I could say it was a cold-hearted lie.
I know that you love me, I know that you care,
But the rage inside you slowly flared.
I admit I've made mistakes, overstepping the boundaries,
Which made me look fake.
I always said I would never do the things I did,
And I know that's why it's so hard for you to forgive.
So many times we've said that we'd try,
Just to turn around and make each other cry.
Remember how it was when we first started out?
We fell so hard, maybe fell in love too soon.
At one point you'd notice ONLY me in the room.
We both did things we can't undo;
Now it seems our relationship is headed for doom,
And not that long ago, I was EVERYTHING to you.
Now you're looking for other things to "do."
I admit my mistakes, an take full responsibility
I am still paying for what I have done,
So why is it like this? Why can't we even talk?
You call me names and act like you don't care,
All a while, our love for each other is still there.
I never meant to hurt you or cause you any pain,
I know neither of us want to go through this same old stuff again.
I owe you so much, and I have so much to prove to you,
But you continue to do things you wouldn't want me to do.
We always have these tears to cry,
And are left with all these wondering questions of why?
Why can't we get past the past? Do You think I expect too much too fast,
don't you want to become whole at last?
Why won't you at least try to believe me, instead of pushing me further away?
I have these emotions, I wish you could see,
Sometimes I get really upset, 'cause I feel you don't understand me
Will you ever  touch me? Show me the love that I ONCE knew?
The love that we both grew,
When will you see? I'm starting to feel like I don't exist anymore?
When can we go back to how it was before? Will we go back?
Will we still hurt if we heal? Or by that time, will we still feel?
My dream of US does not look like it's coming true.
All I feel is sad and blue,
And I know you're looking for other things to "do."
You're sick of me and want something else
but remember, we all stumble.
Every one of us do wrong,
so will you give me your hand,
and help me through this too?
I know you're still hurt, and I'm sorry for that too.
Maybe one day you'll realize it's true.
It's coming,
coming from my heart to you.'