I think I dreamed you up...probably/maybe
it's the whiskey
Here one minute...late night phone calls....then
gone
-------it's only an illusion
I'm stuck on----
That would be the gentler truth...any other...
than your vanishing...
cause you knew all the authors...we chimed
in on
...stanzas
You had no idea; how much it all
mattered...
I so caught up
...I weaved you words polished in wine
to be greeted by...
silence...
left/a/lone
to write sappy lines....

How I woulda, coulda,...shoulda...

taken.my.time.

i seem to
have-so-much-to-say
to
you
i want you
to know/the/whole/story
    the rest
justdoesn'tmatter
how did it ever
...come to this...¿
i've always been so
...comfortable...
in. my. own. shadow.

I. need. you.
To help me...
Let/this/go{ifthatswhatyouwant}
Because the taste of your words
...And\your\mouth
Are- merciless- spectors
In a mind swimming with wants...
It takes only.one.word.
Your choice
Stay....
Or go,...
2 letters or 4
...and no//thing more,...

I've had them FA{ithinkiwanttodateguys}ST

I've had them SL{imsooverthis}OW

I've had a wi{justdome}fe

I've had a di{idontwantanykids}vorce

But this time it was all coffee arm wrestling sexwax....and
whiskey
.... then
[                                     ]

I think you know;
how I want you
there's so much
in/be/tween //     us;
[that. we. know.]
yet i'm sitting here
alone
how we can run》so 》hot》
justtogo.         cold
i'm breaking down
each ~time ~ you're~ shut^t^ing ^off
& i know your reasons
}}}live  your life in doubt{{{
but ¡these ¡changes¡
in seasons
just. bring.
                   me.
                           down.
Recall our mmmmmeeeeeellllllllllttttt
and mo|me|nt|s
RElease your ^guarded^
heart.
Be//cause darling, darling
If you don't-  know- by- now
You Can Never Know
howmuchthisgirl
wants. your. love.

How. I. wish.
her....po//ems.S.sssss
Were.
about
m
E

"****** my trigger
blame my gun"
And who knew...you... would have such an... effect
on/in me.
I see you had no intention...nor did
I...but...still
Dumb luck.
We had so much to say/mean/connect/upon
...and all/of/a/sudden
it was all I ever wanted...before
I knew what
I wanted..
And... that's how loving seems to go...
Chasing our ghosts,...while another chases us with
prose...
Each deciphering the can-not-haves///
from different ends of the... barrel.
And I have only sadness and longing
and joy....
For what you struck.in.me....
Because,... I know that my aim is
true...
...but my gun is too
weak.
And,... my darling, darling girl,...
I've been there,...
too.

layers-of-you
| layers | of | truth |
is it ¿ still a lie¿
when you just. don't. say.
Who am i to = judge
i ~ had~ your mouth &
"maybe" a few other ones
but; here ^ you ^ are ^
《back 《 again
Stepping out//sliding in
how. easily. you'll. pull. me. in.
such  _.  a sucker {for those eyes.}
& slow gin
the ¡sound¡ you ¡make¡
whenyoufeelthepleasure
of _  the _ pain
how it #lingers [with you]
the/ next /day
you don't _ ever _ have _ to _
saY;

need >>> to let it go
justanothernight
on _ the _ floor
even my dog
doesn't wanna hang;
anY MorE
Spend so much time
       for/get//ting
ifonlyitwere
like = breathing
& i could be done
without- so--  much--- as
[a thought]
Then; here. I. am.
thinkingabouthow
I {shouldn't} be thinking
@you now
& **** it
i have to start all over
》》again,...

I guess,... I don't get to.
know.
It was...all the somethings I said/
The lines that I wrote;
it was all you...you. the. catalyst...forgotten
whims of passion and romance, {back to life}
...so/so/so
long; lost at sea*

And; ...now ...I don't get.to.know. if you...
hitch hiked..ed...to Africa//with Beryl...
SOARING; West With the Night,...

Or if Nin's siren; was
That woman you can't/not love;...as you feel
your soul haunted in the House of Love,...

So,...what's to come...of//old
Heming{blasphemy}way...in Spain as the Sun
Also Rises; so tortured by the love that can
not consumate,...does it make your
longing for it...//more...?

And,...I g.U.e.s.s.
I'll never know...
...if you tried your coffee with
Honey...

...I just don't.get.to.know,........now.

I'm so spun out
spinning
spun
spit  me out

slipping
sliding
sinking
d
o
w
n

to an empty space,...where
there is no room for love...because
you don't believe and you
don't need it

how many minutes will it take
there is a sound it makes
peeling back my skin
would be easier

it was always the birds
and the freckles
on your chest
that mattered to me

and i only hear
your breathing now
or nothing at all
stranded in cotton sheets

shades/of/gray
&thesoundofyourname;
when breathing = needing
&wishes;
are just. empty. cups.
&forgottensongs;
it's _ mostly <always> _ you _  
&poetry;
all the hues we heard
sk,...ip,...ping,.. ₩ords,...
like sk _ ip _ ping st _ one _ s
&yourheartbeatisall;
that could ever{really}matter
to ○ me

It was im//pos//sible from the start
..but my god...
...You were delicious
I have held you in my
mouth...
I have held you on my
...tongue
I have spilled my words and my
...heart
As you rest there against my
teeth//
I tasted your letters and I drank your
Loves
And now I'm just here
........starving.

we didn't talk. of. the. weather.
except to concede
its power over sub//lime sleep
Our hushed
Whispers
of what
Set
our
Skin
on
f...^^i...^r..^^e
,,...the wet
longing
in the the pages of
a French harlot
,... the empty spaces left
When love
Is 》》》 gone
& how kissing
Should be done only
by,...°°hours°°...
How melodies
can leave us n.a.k.e.d
& time and space
are tiny matters
when the stars aro{we}und collide

no,...we didn't speak of
^little^things^
We lost our hours in
ThE WoRdS
and it's the teary
re// col// lec// tion of this
That has me typing
At 3 AM
..._again

¿did i make it all up¿
what\ i \thought
this. was.
you _ just _ dropped _ off
whileiwassosure
of. this. love.

of course,... I get it
Where/can/it/go
why.bother.even.try/ing
You're playing it smart
Protecting your
...heart.
For me...it's was just.too.late...
too many...connects;
...not every{any}
one is...like you,...and so that/is/my/problem.
The more im pos si ble// = so romantic
It's like fuel to a fire
...and the years/lifetime be/tween //me and you
scream how much more....learning
I have to do
And there is no fault...really,
...longing is.the.beast...
We've both been here before
You already know...
She {insatiable brute} will not
stop...//...harnessed heart...//leading
thoughts and pulling parts...until...
...maybe,...we have the guts
To set -- her --
Free;
onto you//into me

layers-of-you
| layers | of | truth |
is it ¿ still a lie¿
when you just. don't. say.
Who am i to = judge
i ~ had~ your mouth &
"maybe" a few other ones
but; here ^ you ^ are ^
《back 《 again
Stepping out//sliding in
how. easily. you'll. pull. me. in.
such  _.  a sucker {for those eyes.}
& slow gin
the ¡sound¡ you ¡make¡
whenyoufeelthepleasure
of _  the _ pain
how it #lingers [with you]
the/ next /day;
you don't _ ever _ have _ to _
saY

Ah,..
What.A.Thrill...first thought...last
thought...first thought,...last...and my words
don't...
scare...you...because you like to read...and
feel...and think and know...and, I have
always been in love with honesty...and you
accept the... words...that
walk out of my
fingers,...
and swim off my
tongue,...
thankyou
it feels like freedom,...
and sunrise....

how ¥ou would
take/my/arm/
wheneverwewalked
i went along; ten-feet-tall
@thatundergroundbar
} our place on the couch {
& so. many. whispers.
& kisses.
& thoughts.
oh/who would-have-thought¿
it would >come >to >this.
all that we were[n't]
is _ all _ that _  i  _ want.
can't ^find ^the ^will
to. Just. move,..》   on.

I.Fell.
Hard.
I think it smacked me...
stupid.
I think it's got me...
******.
To think; I think; if I can write
the...right...
words...
It will change the whole
song.
I must be moronic//
my brain is just complete mush.
The band long since left the stage....
and the mics have all been hushed.
There is no combination; or action; or words
I know; I know; I know;
that can change your mind or change.the.
world.
enough for US to ever...work...
I keep telling my simple self
{some small part knows the truth}
But here I am still s p i l l i n g l e t t e r s...
...I s t i l l keep w a n t i n g......
you.

I don't think... I.am.s orry are the right.
3. words to choose
They can't retract/remove/retrace the wreck
of all the ones I used
Oh/my/I couldn't help myself; Your voice was a sunrise
your words Neptune

Hearing you,Hearing you...Reading you,...reading
you,...reading you...

There was no other way this could go
...regardless of wisdom
and the light of ageless truths...of distance and time.//you
should know; passionate women are always
going. to. be. so,..
and with reckless abandon...
[the more it doesn't make
A
N
Y
sense] the hyper! incessant! flashing! green!
light! in my head...just blink-blink-blinking
me to keep spilling...the...letters/words/language/said...

{that.should.have.just.stayed.in.my.head}

and so here we are...it WAS the cru{foolish}
elest lie...when I tossed you my banner: I said
I.have.nothing.to.lose.
...so very wrong...I lost it all; and now I
don't
even
have someone to
Cry over Clementine
with.

Lips..;
your Mouth...
I want
N
ee
D
...to
Kn
...OW

wide 》a》wake
as the mental musings
of howquicklymyfeetcould
take me any _ where _  you _  are
& no. thing. else. matters
~ there ~is the
{hope}less truth
who¿ is ever going to
to kiss me that//way
       .again.

you have a phenomenal...smile.., close to
a...**** eating grin, really...of epic proportions...it says...I know fuckingshit you don't know... and... I wanna color and do
Play-Doh with you...and when you share
it...well...one can feel...absolutely certain...
that you have carnal knowledge
of...every...inch...of...skin...and that
you...can...smell...the wet...between
the legs...at the sound...of your name...
and it's all swimming together in one...
marvelous...grin...and all at once...it's
******* lovely...

There was something in the way
she left nail marks in my...
shoulders...
and she rode me for hours...
and she liked to be up against
the shower...
and she told me to dosomethingabout_it...
and she liked to watch my eyes...with me
behind her...
and she begged me to tell her things in her
moment...
and she wanted all that I could give her.
The night we crashed into the table,../with
wine wetting the moments;
and on the carpet in the bedroom.
The way she took me in the kitchen,
{pressed against cool Lemon tiles; with
dinner burning}...
and she thought that I ought to
****/the/brat/right/outta/her...
it was so much to savor...
but knowing how I know her
...what she really needed was someone to
save
...her.

& so
now~i~know
just _ how _ much
imeantto
you;
what all /of /those
late nights
& hours-on-the
phone
{were};
how you fell
aSLeeP in my
^arms^
& how you
held. my. hand.
[it's nothing]
It. Never.
Was.

stupId
(for you)
i know so  _ much _ better.
Been 》 There》and 《Back 《
(time&again)
~ smile\eyes\ lips.
can't. bear. to. go.
(anywhere).
& to <rest> in you
i'd give UP
all-of-the-things
(i thought i knew).
to simply be
| locked | in your
        .stare.

there are
so ¡many¡ times
when i \catch myself/
in °°wonder °•○●
¿how is it that
you are so
]] lodged ]in my ]]thoughts]]
ever ~sp~in~ning~ there
not {even really}
in.    my head,...
it's kind of
in. my. bones.
^cell<>ular^
from the | moment |
we met
on >the >edge
the precipice,.....of some _ thing;
}tangled{ in you.
& it's not as if i'm
//complaining.
only that i
don't - know - how
tonotmissyou

not _ quite _ a _ shift
most\like\a
}}press{{
grasSsping at
'..",..slivers'..."
#whateverisleft
the | peace | that i found
#whateveritmeant
& all. Of. those. words. [you said]
live-on-to-loiter
in the <nagging>
[    silence    ]

there's been...enough... wine
but...not,...enough
time...to for-
get
a
Bout
You.

That's gonna take

more.

...and after they had finished speaking...
tucked soundly in her sacred
bed...it...rained...it poured...the most
delicious sound her ears could hear...it
rained...and, so...christened...she and
she...and what it all could be....

green eyes
pale skin
you- know- me- already
so much better than most
...the endless loop
of your mouth/and/your/words...
too young to walk
around with your ghost,...
old enough to know
what .you're. worth.
and the miles
...and years between us
...don't scare me...
but the steps I take
with~out~you
KEEP me
from getting any
sleep

Hung...
over.
Trying to get over...it
Half the time,..I don't even know what.I'm.
Doing...
There's been too much w (h) in e .
...I know
that much.

When the words
are no long er my
...allies
How I still covet
each... l e t t e r
shared
,...yet;now
she swears
<< timing >>
owns
every\Y\thing
& I
don't even...k{NO}w
whatthatmeans

I.
Tripped/Fell/Crashed/Burned
In-
Love-
With-
You.

Sadly,...
That.
Is
The
End...
Of.
The.
Story.

I don't even know what.I. want.
...but there is such...beauty
In the longing
...you taught me
That.

letting...it...go
But/can/someone
...please...
Tell
me

What do I do with the [    space.    ]
left
...///between//

us