I’m going to be honest
Not that I need to
Just feels like extra weight

I looked at all your poems
Everyday
Even though I said I wouldn’t

But I think you knew I would

I’m going to be truthful
Sorry
So help me god

Indefinitely

Must be fate
I can’t stay away from that word
Stuck in a loop of wanting
Still in the same situations

Yet I’m still growing
One day maybe I’ll have it all
Unless I can’t manifest it

Except
Let’s be real
It wouldn’t be that bad
Zebras aren’t that rad
All I can ask is for peace

I’m tired

Less and less sleep each night
Out and about more each day
Very much exhausting
Especially while being heartbroken

Yet here I am
Outgoing per usual
Until-indefinitely

The engine roared
And she looked over
Smiling
And looking at me

How I wished she was in my car
But in the moment
I couldn’t look away from her eyes
She’s my world after all

Then she put her music on
And we waved goodbye
I waited
Fearing I’d lose sight with her in view

She drove past
Another exchange of smiles
I put my hands up in a heart-our signature
How I wish she could know

I wrote to you
I don’t know if you saw
But that was all of it
A last message

I’ll put it here
Because I feel bad how long it was up for
But I don’t know
I don’t know


I miss you
I’m not supposed to
But I still want us
Where did this go

You had me promise to stay
I made you promise to stay
I knew it’d happen
You knew I was truthful though

And now it’s gone
I act angry to make you forget me
You blame me for your problems and pain
And I live on, grieving internally

I’m deleting everything
I’m letting go of all my trauma and memories
I have nothing to give this emptiness inside my mind
I manifested a life I can survive in

But that doesn’t mean I’m fully happy
It means the lexapro takes away the ability to suffer
And it doesn’t mean I hate you
It means I wish I could show I still care

So goodbye, for real
I won’t cause any more trouble
As hard as it is to put an end to my dreams
I’ll do it for you

You won’t read this
I’m going silently
I want to do anything
But pulling us closer would **** us

I put everything into us
I know you did too
But you ended it as if it was just some fling
That’s why I can’t forgive you

It’s not that you did anything wrong
You didn’t do what I wanted
And no matter what anyone thinks
I can’t change my heart from being purple

The question on everyone’s mind
So I’ll answer it
The why

I had to delete my account
268 poems
All of my heart spilled open
All revealing of my truth

And people twisted it
Made me feel terrible for being human

While my poems offered sanctuary
To any heart involved in the tale

I wanted to write without being judged
Seen without hearing of it
But that required not being seen at all
And it was time for my poetry to refresh

It doesn’t mean I’m disappearing
I’m right here
I just needed to restart
I needed to reanalyze