My conscience
carries your voice,
it wears your face;
I'm talking to you
when I think to myself.

Do not be afraid;
go ahead, like my page,
because oftentimes sad is
the only thing I am,
and if it is in sadness
that I am solely literate,
I shall be sad,
and when you happen
to give it a like,
*I will be unspeakably glad.

The forces of attraction
can only be explained in
this chemical disarray of
hormonal derangement.

Attracted to intellect,
turned on by clever words;
it's only natural, every now and then,
*attraction tends to burn.

i choke on these words
that have fled from containment
i sob and i take
gulps of air like hydration

i starve to maintain
this excess of hate
that sits loud and patient
across my whole navel

i blame these sharp words
that sneak out through my teeth
they lash out at you
as you stare wide at me

my headlights alarming your doe eyes
(no malice apparent but it breeds behind light)
as i speak in these slices of sentencing spite
(then i silently lie and regret in the night)

thought i grew this act out,
but i caved it all in
let it push its way up
let it surface my skin
just to see myself lose
what i thought was a win

Reader, lover, pioneer.
Lover of words,
Conqueror of fears.

So many words
of wisdom and worth
they crowd in my head
never breaching the surface
and I tire of calling them forth;
I tire of it.

So I pull my smile down
and I sit in my silence
overcome with the exhaustion
of forcing an utterance;
I am never who I seem,
and words do not come easy to me.

Unroll me like an ancient scripture.
Flick through my pages,
a creased-binding book.
Boring descriptions
you choose to overlook.
but in retrospect,
I've got you hooked.
Caress the frail pages
that once used to be bark,
watch out for papercuts,
my edges are sharp.
Absorbed in the middle,
you almost forget
there are 142 pages
that you've left unread-
and yet you read on,
though some pages are torn,
but what matters to you
isn't my physical form.
It's the miracles born-
those thoughts you adore,
written down with such care
that you're scared to read on...
But Alas!
Time passes so fast!
there are three pages left
but you want this to last,
so in your own mind
you'll tirelessly write-
yes, thats right,
you don't want to end this-
you'll stand up and fight.
And as you hug me tight,
and re-read me on sleepless nights,
I'll keep your thoughts safe
bound between my own pages
until our lives
entwine once again.

My heart is full of emptiness

My brain is full of mindless thoughts

My lungs are full of words and verses

And memories my past forgot.

My stomach feels like deadweight.
My arms are about to fall off.
My lungs feel like they're paper frail.
My teeth hurt from smiling.
My mind has gone on overdrive.
    My heart's functioning automatic.
Lately I haven't felt anything but
the air that I'm breathing.
Theres a whole world revolving right now and I'm just sitting here wasting water.
People want a taste of death but
I want to feel alive again.
There are things I have to do
but I lie awake unnmoving for hours.
I lie to everyone I make contact with,
every ******* day.
Deep down I feel the tremors of an earthquake that may never surface.
**I'm waiting.

When I was younger,
from the age of four.
I ran to my room,
Barricaded the door.
I would go to my corner,
And sit on the floor.
Myself, I would remind
Of my supposed crimes.
And I would cry;
I would drown myself in misery galore,
Until I couldn't take much more.
And during this time
Once you came inside,
Looked around the room
Then turned off the light.
You didn't see me,
Didn't look hard enough
For the girl breaking herself,
For the crimes she'd never done.
It's not a matter of caring,
Or maybe it is
But you never tried hard enough.

Now let me tell you this,
in the midst of my 'teens
In this new life, it seems
You would never have thought,
Or could never believe
When I do something wrong
And you punish me,
With knives from your mouth
Far worse than before
I go to my room,
Barricade the door
Telling myself,
Could I take this anymore?
I thought things would be better,
Since the worst of it stopped
But I sit by the wall,
On the right of the room
Hoping that right
Would embrace me soon

But I hear them carry on,
With their time passing ****
Forget my existence!
Stay in your bubble of bliss
But know that I love you...
I don't have a choice
When you'll be gone
In your grave, you'll rejoice
Or maybe you'll mourn, the daughter you hurt
You'll notice, as a spirit, the girl internally burnt.
Because even in your grave
When you're dead and gone,
I'll never forget
How you left me torn.
How you walked out of my life,
And turned out your light
And never noticed
Your Girl in the corner,
Out of sight.
And thanks to you I can endure pain
Yet I could never endure you
And this may sound insane
But thank you for these walls you helped build;
For all the blood that you spilled.
Because I've learned my lesson
Never to love
You caused this fear
Due to the above.

The hungry beast.
She left me alone
For a couple of weeks;
She had left me in liberty

She has now set herself free

She's the invisible spider
Crawling all over my body.
She's the magical monster
Climbing inside of me.

I dread the nights,
I put up a fight;
Insomnia likes to cheat

She promises an hour
That hour becomes *eight
The sun leaves me blinded
I'm not ready for today...

We're so quick to judge each other
Without knowing one another
Some things are still left to discover.

We see ourselves in our reflections
Some of us look like perfection
When did we stop believing
That looks can be deceiving?

Society,
Has moulded us to be
What we aren't.
We fall apart.

So we glue our pieces back together
Paint our pictures of "forever"
That's how we fall back together
The story of our sorry lives.

There's only so much our eyes can see
What we see doesn't have to be
We pick up pieces of broken dreams
And fit them in our reality.

A word can have 1000 meanings
Depends upon that persons feelings.
So you still believe in me?
I guarantee, you won't be pleased
*With what you see.

I've started talking to the insects
crawling along the bedroom floor.
They scuttle away
when there's nothing to say,
but I still talk some more.
I find myself conversing with
the paint on these four walls.*
They stare back at me
without expression,
but I continue much like before.
I text myself
inside my head at night
before I close my eyes.
I find that these conversations
can get lonely sometimes;
atleast I get replies.

I want to run through green fields
screaming at the sun;
fearless.

I want to climb a mountain whole
and swim free in the ocean;
thoughtless.

I want to dance among the trees
and sit somewhere cosy,
pondering over love.

I want to walk through this city
and listen to my music,
slowly falling apart.

I want desperately
to breathe in
the madness of nature.

I've never known falsehood
like the empty laughter at a party
or when the people dance
inside the limitations of
what is normal, what is preferred.

Nobody decided dance
had to be executed a certain way.
All you need to do is sway.

I will not accept the pollution
of the people around me.

You were my favourite shade of blue to drown in.

Words flying through her mind
Scattered, uncoordinated;
Not in a straight line
They all jumble together
To form her persona,
She's a being made with a vocabular aura
Her soul can be read like a scripture.
People go through her like a book
Some don't take care of her.
Others admire, others desire
Others simply need her to complete their set.
Some find beauty in her unique mindset.
Some judge by the cover
Others read and discover
Between the lines
Of her complex mind
Some like her; some don't
She's not a bestseller
Her author is God
Books with blank pages? They tell her
That really is odd
She smiles a small smile
At their shallow train of thought
Then continues her journey
*Built on the words they forgot.

You can never die;
You will remain alive,
simply being misplaced
among thousands of others
between these pages and pages
of eternal dedication.

No, you could never die;
You shall simply be misplaced
until somebody, somewhere, sometime,
finds you once again.

I can hear you,
the beat in your chest,
it rings in my head;
a wordless lullaby.

I wish
sometimes
that you
could be mine.

But we both know creation
in the cage of my mind,
can only exist
behind my closed eyes.

Do not build your house
upon the clouds
because while they look able
they fall apart
like the best of us
when their load amounts
to more than they were created for
they open up and pour
and feed the greens of the floor
and I know they sound
promising to visit
but I'll let you know
don't float too close
because they lose their brilliance
and are much more shallow
than the rain they pour
had you assuming
before.

I was never good with letting go,
always caught hoarding my belongings
and stacking up my secrets
in a safe little box.

I was never good with letting go,
always storing my candy in a jar under my bed,
making sure I had plenty left to spare.

I was never good with letting go,
playing the same old children's games
much longer than the other children my age.

I was never good with letting go,
hallucinating about the people I lose
for a year or so after they're gone.

I was never good with letting go,*
I remember telling you in our confessional,
the diary we wrote in two years ago.

*I was never good with letting go,
and you were the only person I ever told.

When our problems look smaller,
the good becomes greater,
the sky fails to fall at our feet.

Drink up the horizon,
pink stripes heading East,
the sky stays upright while it's sweet.

Nothing is insignificant.

Remember that
there are parallel universes
and each universe
contains infinite galaxies
and each galaxy
contains beautiful constellations
of innumerable stars.

Remember that
each galaxy
has a multitude of planets
and each planet
is made up
of massive volume.

You.

You are living on
one of these planets
in one of those galaxies,
surrounded by stars;

a solid figure
on the map of our universe
among other worlds;

a permanent location
on this figurative map
known as life.

Just imagine the disarray
you could create
if  you chose
to stop existing on
this galactic map of mine.

"A toast to me, myself and I, a glass of sweet solitude."

Stretch a sweater.
Watch the wool
Unravel as the cold
Seeps in through
Gaping holes.

This might take
A while to stitch.
Perhaps I could
Leave it like this.

Purposeless but
Purpose built.
I've got no wool
To stitch it with.

The stars don't know that they're shining and they don't like how we stare at their bodies and it makes me wonder if we're any different and maybe the sky is a mirror reflecting us all and we're flipping a coin with night and day, and the stars will all fall when we destroy ourselves tomorrow.

i am the silt of the ocean bed
falling into places i am not meant for
swept away from where i would like to be
floating, drifting into scene
sinking, falling back to sleep

I'm realising things
and something keeps hurting
and nothing really makes sense to me
except that dreams can plague you
and thoughts can shake you
and talking has never been easy
but it's alot harder talking to you now

I'm realising things
and I'm holding onto promises
and the more I come to realise
the less I really know for sure
and maybe it's time you moved on
because the weight of maybes are crushing
and the sound of this silence is deafening
and I'm realising things.

orange flower flicker shy
pinprick of light, puncture the sky
break the day, hold my face
kiss this sleeping heart awake

Missing you tastes like death,
if it had a flavour.
Lately I've been getting bad breath,
and my conscience is unstable.
I haven't been able to find a solution,
put a conclusion  to this sadness,
this madness the distance has instilled
inside me-
It hurts.
It burns.
Forces my brain to take a wrong turn,
churning up the bad thoughts
like mouthwash-
more like dirt.
Over and over-
until the mouthwash starts stinging
my gums and the dirt begins to rot my teeth.
Missing you might taste like death, however
I don't know how death tastes;
**I haven't tried it yet.

I've never understood
What this really meant...
So I'll tell you what I've gathered
From all the ones I've seen
Hand over their hearts
To "The One" of their dreams.
                
Love is a ray of sunshine
On a lonely, hopeless day.
Love is that immense joy
That can never be portrayed.

Love is that rush of adrenaline
The surge of aliveness in your bones
The craving for skin on skin,
The lust for the one, deep within.

Love is a promise
An oath of "together forever".
But love is a coin with two sides,
And here's the reason why.

Love is a weakness,
You depend on another.
Love is destruction,
When that person leaves, for some other.

Love is desperation,
When you blindly trust.
Love is the need
To find someone to lust.

Love is agonising
When you're not good enough.
Because love never lasts long
But is left as ashes and dust.
                  
That is why
On the subject of love
I'm thoroughly confused
I've explained why, above.