skin to skin i lure you in,
rip you apart from limb to limb
in the deepest shadows

oh the almighty,
you don't know
i lurk behind every corner,
impatiently trying to watch,
your sight as always a catch
i thump and drag along
a bag to carry, for you to last

in dark fantasy i taste your flesh
your blood drips and drops,
but you stay fresh
i store pieces of your skin for later,
stirring your meat to neat batter

your bones do break
but your heart wont shatter
pure lust glides through my fingers,
touching up your moveless figure
i yearn in obsession, in dreams it lingers

in light you shimmer, brighter as ever
moonlights kiss caresses your body,
its getting thinner
your pulse fastens each push i make,
you will get better
fallen apart, i sew you back together,
pins and needles push through you like softest butter

pray, pray and cry, feed me your tears
show me more,
show me, show me.
in despair, i waited and caught you
wretched and ruined,
now you loathe me.

i tell you,
i’ll wear your teeth on a necklace,
your eyes will see salvation
for you are the prettiest you have ever been,
one last rest before i begin

how redeeming, as in death to still be not lost in darkness,
how fortunate to live inside me,
finally you found the meaning of life,
you have been searching, i know.

YOUR LOVE IS MY PROPHECY
AND YOU ARE THE PROPHET
AND YOU ARE THE PRAYER
I SPEAK IN CHURCH
YOU ARE THE FUTURE
YOU ARE THE DESIRE
BURNING IN ONES HEART
YOU ARE DEVASTATINGLY BEAUTIFUL
YOU ARE DESTRUCTION
YOU ARE THE BLOOD I TASTE
WHEN I BITE MY TONGUE
YOU ARE BITTER AND SWEET
YOU ARE FRESH LIKE THE GRASS
ON A SPRING MORNING
YOU ARE THE FLOWER BLOSSOMING
AND YOU ARE WITHERING
YOU ARE THE DESTRUCTION I SEEK
WHEN I WANT TO DIE
YOU ARE HORRENDOUS
AND I AM YOUR PUPPET ON A STRING
HELD BY YOUR HANDS
THAT GRIP ONTO MY FLESH
I AM MY OWN WITNESS
AND YOUR ANGEL
YOU ARE DESTINED FOR MY REMEDY
AND MUCH MORE TO COME
I WANT TO RIP YOU TO SHREDS
AND EAT THEM UP
I WILL STICK THEM TOGETHER
LIKE BRICKS ON A WALL
AND CLIMB OVER TO YOUR HEART
AND HOLD ON LIKE A BABY TO ITS MOTHER
YOU ARE THE SWEAT I SWEAT
ON A HOT SUMMER DAY
AND THE STAR THAT DANCES AROUND THE MOON
WHEN ITS FRESH AT MIDNIGHT I STARE AT YOU
AT THE SKY WITH THE CLOUDS MOVING
YOU ARE MOVING ME
WITH BLISS AND LOVE

WITH
SURREALNES
TO ITS CORE

touch my neck up down my spine,
am i sickening, unholy?
tell me, am   i   pure?

i will never eat again and i will ask you;
           will you still love me if i am just skin and bone?
are you scared of what i might become,
are you afraid that your mistake will live up to you?

when you feel the bones poking through,
                             are you disgusted?

the shadows seem to grow bigger
    why wont you rip my ribcage  open?

use me as your last sacrifice to god,
as you always preferred him over me.

as proof of love,
a promise never kept,
sit me down and tell me your regrets.

you would never want to be at fault.
                            hide me,
hide me from the world.

dont show anyone what was done to me;
keep me as your secret and my soul in a cage.


you cling to me still,
i am allowed to just breathe.

paint the walls with my secretion
and i will pray i am abundant until the last tear was shed,
to the moon i look up and dream of never being born,

while you watch tv with beer in your hand and your scheming laughter echoing through my head

being sober feels like living in a shell
that doesn’t show who I am.

when I drink, I feel like a true human being,
like I am alive.

Suddenly, emotions flood me, and they feel real,
my heart beats in a rhythm beyond words.
It is an addictive warmth that spreads
in my body,

you could say it is like a disease,
but to me it feels like salvation.

love feels closest to my soul,
I feel like someone who belongs.
Not when I am sober.
sober, I am caged,
a cage I cannot escape.

a sickening guilt gnaws at me,
because I am my father’s daughter,
an alcoholic, not to his extent.
yet still I drink,
alone, without friends,
without sense.

I live in solitude, the only way it feels right.
the preacher at church
told me when I was eleven:
I wear my father’s sins like a veil,
as if I was born with it.

so maybe I don’t just look like him.
maybe I will become
what he regrets the most.