Maybe you just always need someone to be kinda sad about. Someone to think about when all too well comes on.

The goodbye that flashes into memory when you watch a romantic movie.
Maybe people need that.
Maybe I need that.

The void will always be filled by someone until there is an equally powerful opposite emotion to take its place.

It always surprises me when I somehow still shed tears for you.

I keep thinking it will be the last time. Then it happens again.

My mom prays for me a lot.
Which is good.
If God has favorites, I know he’d listen to her more than me.
She deserves a direct line.

I keep cleaning up my apartment.
Thinking it will clean up my brain.

There surely must be some evolutionary benefit for me constantly assuming the best in people.

Like a snake shedding its skin all the old layers of me left in the tight spaces along my path.

Each layer gone reveals something brighter and shinier. Or was it the same amount of shine of that old layer when it was new?

Is it better or just different?

I subconsciously opened the calculator on my phone. Like I was going to take the sum of me.

I try very hard to be good.
At everything.

But often I just want to be happy.
Happiness often feels like the string of a balloon slipping from my fingers.
So close to being captured as I watch it flutter away into the sky.