i hope my shadow follows you through the rooms of your house
i hope my perfume lingers in your bedsheets and my naked body lingers in your mind
i hope that when you look at your backyard, that all you can see is the red hammock that we broke
and we laughed and laughed
i hope you sit in your living room and remember when i counted the fourteen fake candles. i hope you count them and find fourteen and remember when we kissed on the floor
i hope that blonde hairs litter your possessions. i hope that you find them on your clothes, in your car, in your room, for months after i've left
i don't want to be so easy to get rid of.
i hope my voice has stained all your family photos so that all you can see when you look at them is how cute i thought you were
i hope that the sight of your empty passenger seat physically pains you and i hope that every day you feel as if something important is missing
and i hope that that something important is me  
i hope your lips burn bitter with my aftertaste and your hands grow lonely just like your friday nights without me

i want you to miss me
even if you won't

I haven't logged into my Hello Poetry account in so long and wow...
I am so sad at what I'm seeing. I cannot believe that there was a time in my life where I hated everything. It amazes me that I'm still alive, after reading these forgotten memories, they bring me so much pain. Today I'm in a very different space and I can't thank you guys enough for all the kind comments you left on my worst nights. As I'm reading these entries, I remember all the hatred and darkness that fueled me. I feel the tears and the ache and I feel it all so intensely..

But I also feel the light now. I still have those days where I fall but these days I know how to pick myself up. I hope to anyone who is or was in my situation, I hope you all feel the same strength I do now. My sickness didn't **** me, I am alive and everyday I fight.

Everyday I'm surviving.
I hope you all continue to fight with me.

Are there ruins in your head?
Where I see treasures
Is there pain in your eyes?
Where I see hue lit sunsets
Is there darkness in your heart?
Where I see fear
Is there a secret in your laughter?
Where I hear tomorrows
Is there deceit in your words?
Where I see promises
Is there armoury in your arms,
Where I find comfort
Is there anything real?
Where I have built air castles
Is there hope?
In those ruins, that pain, darkness, laughter, words, arms,
all that I am hopelessly in love with

The minutes leak away
I just needed you to stay
I'm tired of sculpting gifts for you
Then you just shatter them on the ground
The pieces of me disrupt your path
I hope that you can flicker enough light to make it through the night
I would tell you to walk slow
Take your time
Be careful not to cut yourself
But you won't listen to me
So ignore my shards and run through the night to your other options
I'm so incomplete
Maybe that's why no one ever stays
I didn't want you to stay anyways
I have a room full of art that I'm too scared to share
Because it will end up scattered all over the floor without a care
You taught me that
Thanks for being a good teacher
Now I know that I'm not going to light anyone's way, I can't
You threw me away
I won't keep handing you my pieces
Plaster can't fix all of this
Flicker your way through life without me
It's better like that
I guess this is goodbye

I sold my soul

I sold my soul again last night
Six times up on the block
I traded for a friend of mine
I thought it was a lock

Don't speak to me of Jesus
Don't speak of what is fair
I sold my soul again last night
For a friend no longer there

Cancer took him early
He had so much more to give
I sold my soul again last night
In hopes that he would live

I guess the devil owns me
At least he comes to talk
God, just is a bully
But the devil walks the walk

My friend won't be forgotten
Of this fact I am sure
I sold my soul again today
To make sure someone finds a cure